ROBERT ZEMECKIS TAXIDERMIA REMAKE GREENLIT

HOLLYWOOD – A Robert Zemeckis Taxidermia remake has been greenlit by Dreamworks and Universal. The 2006 Hungarian surreal, multi-generational horror / comedy will receive a dramatic makeover. It will be shot in the style of The Polar Express, using motion capture and CGI animation. The Robert Zemeckis Taxidermia remake begins shooting this January.

Robert Zemeckis Taxidermia Remake To Star Guess Who? 

Tom Hanks will star as Brick Bateman, a shy and socially outcast Taxidermist, who looks after his severely obese and embittered father. The film will tell the story of three different generations of men from the Bateman bloodline.

Motion Captcha Coming Right Atcha

Zemeckis will return to using motion capture suits and fully realized CGI environments such as the ones used in his 2004 Christmas hit, The Polar Express. Andy Serkis will don the mo-cap suit to play Mick ‘Guzzler’ Bateman, Hanks’s father in the film. Javier Bardem completes the triumvirate of leading men. He plays Cleetus Bateman, Brick’s amorously challenged grandfather. The Exec caught up with Zemeckis to discuss this unusual choice of project.

Robert, What Made You Choose Taxidermia For Your Next Project?

I remember seeing it and thinking that it was a real sweet tale about love, sporting triumph and family values.

Are You Sure We’re Thinking Of The Same Film?

You betcha. What could be cuter than innocent love in a barn, overcoming adversity to reach the top of your sport and looking after your dear old Pappy?

Don’t You Think It’s A Film About The Darker Sides Of Lust, Greed And Our Own Self-Destructive Natures?

Nope. I think it’s a neat film about caring for animals even after they’ve died. That what Tom likes about it also. We’re going for the family market, so we toned the nudity down a little. But only a little. And by going full CGI, we can really draw the kids into the story. We’re hoping for another Christmas classic. Something the whole family can sit down in front of after a nice, big Thanksgiving or Christmas Dinner. Lovely stuff.

The Robert Zemickis Taxidermia Remake Begins Shooting This January

UNIVERSAL SAY DARK UNIVERSE WILL GO AHEAD

HOLLYWOOD – With the Dark Universe in trouble, Universal issue a statement confirming the franchise will go ahead.

The Universal franchise – ‘The Dark Universe’ – is in trouble. Creative heads Alex Kurtzman and Chris Morgan have left – Kurtzman to work on Star Trek Discovery and Morgan to wash his hair – leaving the franchise very much in doubt. The Tom Cruise vehicle The Mummy tanked at the Box Office earlier this year, leading to rumors that the whole project was in trouble. However, today a spokesperson at Universal issued the following statement EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

Although there have been some personnel changes on our creative team, The Dark Universe is to go ahead with a series of films based on iconic monsters from Universal’s cinematic legacy. However, certain changes are going to take place. First of all, The Invisible Man – starring Johnny Depp – will actually be an Invisible Film. The first kind of film ever to be shot with this 0D ground breaking technology, people won’t be able to see it anywhere.

Did you say 0D?

Yes, it’s like 3D, but you know 3 less.

Okay.

The new Frankenstein film will just be a mash up of all the other Frankenstein films. And colorized. Javier Bardem will do the narration.

Right.

Russell Crowe stars in Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in a new definition of terror.

This sounds good. 

We’re changing the film into a musical and Crowe will be singing all the way through.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I knew you’d like that. We’re just worried about the certificate.

Universal will release the Dark Universe on Monday.

DARREN ARONOFSKY TALKS MOTHER 2!

HOLLYWOOD – Darren Aronofsky is in talks to direct Mother 2! a sequel to his controversial film Mother!

Following showings at Venice and Toronto, Darren Aronofsky’s Mother! has been one of the most talked about films. It has garnered boos and an F from an unappreciative audience, despite the presence of big hitter Jennifer Lawrence and Javier Bardem. Aronofsky is however unfazed and is already in talks to follow up the sequel.

I want to go back to the house if you know what I mean. With Mother! I did something truly remarkable. I took an allegory for the creation of the universe and the effect of mankind on the natural world, mixed in some stuff about celebrity culture and put together a rocking good time. Obviously, I immediately wondered if I could do it again. After all, the film is about a cycle, so it wouldn’t be hard to go back to the beginning and start again.

So the story is…?

The story would start right at the end of where Mother! stops. Then it just goes on through, pretty much the same with some minor differences.  I could make this movie over and over for the rest of my career.

Wouldn’t that…?

The only problem I have is where to put the exclamation point.

I can give you a suggestion. 

You are hilarious SE!

For our review of Mother! CLICK HERE.

 

TWO VERSION OF PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES SHOT

HOLLYWOOD – Two versions of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales have been reportedly shot.

The fifth instalment of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise – Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales – has been shot in two radically different versions, the Studio Exec has learned. Both films revolve around a desperate search for the pirate Captain Jack Sparrow by Javier Bardem’s Captain Salazar. In one version, Jack Sparrow played by Johnny Depp is found and in the other Amber Heard version, he isn’t. A source close to the production spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

It was actually fortuitous that the plot was already written around this search so it just became a matter of adding some bits to the second version and changing the ending. The studio has always thought this was a strong vehicle for Johnny but with things going the way they’re going they want some insurance, particularly as this is a family film. Should there be a video released of Johnny doing wild drunk shit, ranting about Jamie and the Magic Torch or humping the family dog, then we’ll release the non-Johnny version. However, if that doesn’t happen, then everyone will forget and we’ll get the loveable old pirate back again. And we all love Johnny, right? What do you think?

Pirates of the Caribbean will also star Orlando Bloom and will be released in 2017.

JAVIER BARDEM PULLS OUT OF BLANKET FACE

HOLLYWOOD – Rumors are rife today that Javier Bardem has dropped out of Sam Raimi’s low budget horror shocker Blanket Face currently in pre-production, because the Spanish Skyfall star wants to do a Pirates of the Caribbean film.

Sources close to Bardem said that the star was concerned that scenes of early morning facial distress might have an adverse effect on his career. He is also understood to have always been a huge fan of the Pirates of the Caribbean films, specifically for the way they make money. If true, the news comes as another blow for the Drag Me to Hell director’s dream project which has already suffered from two other high profile desertions, Sandra Bullock and Charles Dance.

The synopsis for the film reads:

The latest in extreme horror, Blanket Face tells the terrifying tale of a mythical psycho-beast who creeps into bedrooms at night and leaves disconcerting lines on the faces of his victims. Psychic explorers Jose (Javier Bardem) and Margo (Sandra Bullock) check into the Fern Grove Hotel where creepy owner Xavier Fern (Charles Dance) has seen his business collapse as a result of Blanket Face’s antics. Can they defeat the ancient evil? Or will they too look like they ought to rub their faces with hot towels?

Blanket Face is due out in 2015. 

 

JON VOIGHT PENS LETTER TO VLADIMIR PUTIN

HOLLYWOOD –

Dear Vladimir Putin,

I’m Jon Voight and I am more than angry. I am genuinely furious. I mean, what the f*ck do you think you’re doing Vladimir? Seriously? Stirring up all that shit in the Ukraine and then a passenger jet gets shot down. As if the Malaysians didn’t have enough to put up with without you causing them even more grief. I’m so angry with you I can hardly even speak.  Continue reading “JON VOIGHT PENS LETTER TO VLADIMIR PUTIN”

TO THE WONDER: REVIEW

TO THE WONDER: REVIEW – Matt Damon’s dumb ass friend and Iran hostage rescuer goes to France and meets old Bond girl. They monkey about on a train, then go back to America where Olga Kurylenko (for t’is she), plus sprog, can’t stop dancing.

Poor Affleck looks a mite confused because a. she’s hot but b. she won’t stop dancing. Later he looks even more confused because Rachel McAdams turns up and a. she’s hot but b. erm… I don’t know. Confused? Hmmm.
The cries – criticising the emperor’s new clothes – were loud when Tree of Life was released, but I for one, thought it was madcap fun (read that review HERE). Here though it’s not so much that the emperor is naked as we can see his internal organs and it ain’t pretty. Well, that said, it actually is pretty. But the Malick aesthetic has now become industry standard for car and jeans adverts and other than the look, there is very little to hold onto here.  The interminable voice over has now become grating. Sixth form poetry passing for stream of conciousness. Poor Ben looks confused.      Olga dances and doesn’t so much hug trees as suck twigs. Javier Bardem turns up, looking baffled to find himself a priest. He preaches a sermon about love being great, a few more shots of sunsets and cows, and we’re done. The film ultimately overdoses on reverence: – not just for nature, love, God etc. – but for Malick himself who seems in great need of an editor who doesn’t like Terrence Malick films.

PEDRO ALMODOVAR: ‘I AM GAY’









BARCELONA – Spanish film director Pedro Almodovar finally put paid to rumors that have been circulating for years concerning his sexuality.
‘I’m gay,’ he told journalists, feigning surprise at the question. ‘I’ve never made a secret of my sexuality. Jesus Christ, look at my films.’

Journalists were horrified to discover Almodovar was not married to Penelope Cruz as many had assumed, nor engaged, nor dating, and she was in fact married to Javier Bardem, another Spaniard, who played the gay villain in Skyfall.

Is Bardem gay as well?
‘No,’ he said. ‘That was acting.’
Antonio Banderas is also Spanish.

MI6 CRITICISE SKYFALL

LONDON – Sources within MI6 have let it be known that they do not appreciate the new Sam Mendes directed, Daniel Craig starring James Bond outing Skyfall due to its ‘unacceptable levels of accuracy’.

The British Security Service has until now had a relatively warm relationship with the franchise, with one inside circular claiming that ‘78% of recruits credit James Bond with the reason they applied to join the service, and substantial evidence that the other 12% are lying’. However, when heads of the Secret Service sat down to enjoy a private screening of the film alongside producers Michael Wilson and Barbara Broccoli the cosiness didn’t last long.

One insider said:

As soon as the final credits rolled there were boos and hissings and one senior agent pulled down his pants and let out a loud fart. The main complaint was how close the film was to reality. Most of the Bond films represent a flattering fantasy, but Skyfall showed MI6 very much on the back foot as it is tormented by cyber criminal Silva (played by Javier Bardem’s hair). In the very first scene, they lose a list of all the embedded agents, well, we do that every other week.   

Daniel Craig’s Bond was also seen as overly true to life. ‘At one point Bond goes on holiday without filling out the usual P17/38(B),’ said an MI6 spook. ‘Well, I did the very same thing last week.’

SKYFALL: REVIEW

Buggalugs










Buggalugs Bond runs, jumps and falls in rivers in an attempt to save the Dench-ist from the hands of Anton Chigurgh.

007 is back! And this time without the invisible car. Although frankly there might be millions of them but we wouldn’t know because they’re, you know, invisible. Bond is helped in his mission by Tom Jones, Voldemort and Romantic poet, John Keats as Q. Plenty of fun to be had – out Bournes Bourne at the beginning, Batmans it in the middle and Harry Potters it towards the end – but in the end is his own loveable self. Bond films have never had to be any good but it’s a genuine treat when they are.

SKYFALL: 007 BUYS A ZOO










LONDON – Plot details have emerged of the new and highly anticipated James Bond film Skyfall and Studio Exec can reveal exclusively that 007 does indeed buy a zoo.
In a secret screening given to Studio Exec we can now relate how the Sam Mendes film begins in a traditional enough fashion with a chase and 007 apparently receiving a fatal shot. But while M and the British Government have to deal with attacks from International Scientologist Javier Bardem, Daniel Craig as James Bond (007) goes to the countryside and accidentally buys a zoo.

There are heart-warming scenes in which the British agent learns about the real meaning of life via mucking about with hippopotami and laughing at giraffes and getting into all manner of mischief with a gang of red-assed monkeys, before having return to the secret service to save the world, but (and here’s Mendes’ stroke of genius) with the help of his new found animal friends.

The film is released worldwide in the next few weeks.