JAMES GUNN KUNDUN REMAKE GREENLIT

Hollywood – Disney today announced they have greenlit a James Gunn Kundun remake.

The Suicide Squad director will helm a remake of the Scorsese tale of the young Dalai Lama. With the James Gunn Kundun remake greenlit, The Guardians director promises it will be an all action CGI spectacular. The Exec sat down to talk remakes and Scorsese with Gunn.


 

How will your Kundun be different to the Scorsese version?

“What many people don’t know about the early life of the Dalai Lama, he was a hyper-violent vigilante. He would often dress up in a costume, sneak out of the monastery and fight crime.”

 

Was there much crime to fight in rural Tibet?

“Oh shit, yeah. There were gangs of psychopathic supervillains everywhere. But many of them had superpowers. Luckily, the Dalai Lama can fly with his rocket boots. So, many nights, he would put his Walkman on, listen to Bowie and fly around looking for criminals.”

 

That sounds a bit like Star Lord from Guardians?

“No. It’s completely and totally different. Honest.”

 

Who is playing the Dalai Lama?

“Chris Pratt. Because he has the right balance of physicality, spirituality and slapstick comedy chops. Michael Rooker will play the Chinese Government representative who shafts the Lama. But in this version, the Lama doesn’t go into exile. There’s gonna be a huge CGI fight between the two. Because Skyscrapers blowing up everywhere as they fly around in their laser-ships is true cinema.”

 

What do you think Martin Scorsese will make of this, given his recent comments?

“Marty? He wrote the fucking script! This was the story he originally wanted to tell but couldn’t get the funding. He wanted to film mid-air battles but the technology wasn’t available. People are making a whole thing about what Marty said. But it’s all misdirection, believe me. Taxi Driver would never have ended like that if he’d had a decent budget. Travis Bickle would have become a masked vigilante. Goodfellas would have had a running gun battle like Heat. It’s all bullshit.”

 

James Gunn’s Kundun Begins Filming Next Month

JAMES GUNN REVEALS THE SUICIDE SQUAD RUNNING TIME IS 60 SECONDS.

HOLLYWOOD – Twitter imploded this morning after James Gunn revealed the running time of his final cut of The Suicide Squad is exactly one minute.

 

After hearing the news, outraged fans began tweeting their outrage. @outraged22 said ‘This is outrageous!’ whilst @alwaysoutraged9 wrote ‘I’ve never been so outraged!’

Karen Shill, editor of the notorious website www.fuellingoutrage.com also commented on the brewing controversy via her Twitter handle @outrageforsale:

‘I knew James Gunn would do this. Some people forgave him for those outrageous tweets about Nazi midgets, or whatever it was, he was forced to delete, but not me. Subscribe to www.fuellingoutrage.com for more of my views on that weasel-faced a-hole.

 

The Studio Exec sat down for a Zoom call with Mr Gunn to gauge his reaction to the social media frenzy:

 

James, how come The Suicide Squad is only 60 seconds long?

Well, It’s called The Suicide Squad. They’re professionals. Very efficient professionals.

 

I see. What did the studio say when you turned in such a short final cut?

I’ll admit they were sceptical at first, but when I reminded them they can charge the same amount for a one minute movie as they could a two hour movie, the mood of the room perked up.

 

The Suicide Squad had quite a hefty budget, will we see all of those dollars on the screen?

Hell yes. If anything I could have done with a few more million. Do you know how much it costs to make a movie these days? We blew half of the budget on hair dye for Idris Elba.

 

There has been a strong reaction to the running time on Twitter, care to comment?

All I can say is fans will be pleased when they eventually see it. I don’t like to comment about people posting on Twitter since, you know, the incident. By the way, have you heard that joke about the Nazi midget? So there’s this midget, right. And…

 

I’ve heard it. Can you tell us anything about the upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy Christmas special.

The only thing I can tell you is the most evil and maniacal figure in the entire Marvel Universe will be returning.

 

Thanos?

No, Chris Pratt.

 

 

THE SUICIDE SQUAD WILL BE RELEASED, SOMETIME. 

MARTIN SCORSESE SHOULD SHUT HIS BIG FAT MOUTH

OPINION – Martin Scorsese is being told to shut his big fat mouth.

Hundreds of millions of people are shouting out in one voice – ‘Martin Scorsese: SHUT YOUR STUPID FAT MOUTH’. And they’re right. The big eyebrowed Italian American filmmaker infuriated Marvel fans a couple of weeks ago by daring to criticize comic book movies as ‘not cinema’. He said they looked like shit, or something and said anybody who liked them should go to the doctor and ask for face punches. But all around the world, fans reject this ignorant point of view. Grace Partniknik told Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

I film myself watching trailers on YouTube, so I’m an expert. And I can say Mr. Scorsese, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Marvel movies don’t have depth? Have you even seen Ant Man and the Wasp? I mean even in the title it’s AND the Wasp, asshole! It’s not just Ant Man. And then what about Avengers Endgame? I cried so much I puked up. How’s that for ’emotional resonance?’

Mace Windu told SE that he was tired of these white male gatekeepers being elitist:

Black Panther was the first film ever to show black people, doing stuff. And Captain Marvel had a woman in it. More than one actually. Scorsese would try to make a film himself and then he’d realize it wasn’t as easy as these so called critics seem to think.

 James Gunn also made an interesting point.

How can these films not be cinema? They’re shown in … the cinema. Durrr!

This controversy looks set to run and run and run.

Meanwhile, we’ve just learned that Scorsese has stolen the Snyder cut.

Martin Scorsese was unavailable for comment.

SHOCK AS JAMES TOBACK THE DIRECTOR OF THE PICK UP ARTIST REVEALED TO BE A CREEP

HOLLYWOOD – The news that James Toback – director of The Pick Up Artist – allegedly harassed women on a regular basis rocked Tinsel Town yesterday.

The LA Times revealed film director James Toback to be engaging in creepy sexual harassment for decades. Following the Harvey Weinstein scandal, Toback is the latest Hollywood figure to be accused of serious and potentially criminal misbehavior. The screenwriter and director would, according to witnesses, approach them and say such stuff as ‘I’m James Toback, the film director’ and then show them clippings as proof.  He would then attempt to arrange a meeting, ostensibly to talk about work but it would quickly turn inappropriate.

Hollywood insider Jimmy Janeck said:

This is unbelievable. The man who wrote and directed The Pick Up artist actually does this stuff! I knew about the Spy Magazine piece in the late eighties. And James Gunn has been talking about it for years, but I thought he was joking. Next you’ll be telling me Brett Ratner is… no, it’s just too disgusting to even think about.

James Toback’s new film is The Private Life of a Modern Woman.

REVIEW – GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2

REVIEW – GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2 – Parks and Recreations goes interstellar.

I enjoyed Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. It’s funny. Light. It’s like an episode of a real good comedy. One where the story doesn’t really matter that much. It tried to get a bit mushy at the end, but I don’t know what that was all about. Sylvester Stallone, Kurt Russell and David Hasselfoff are in it. So is Michael ‘Henry the Portrait of a Serial Killer’ Rooker and in one scene he reprises his early role.

Star Lord (Chris Pratt) returns with his pals Gamora, played by Zoe Saldana, Drax, played by Dave Bautista. Bradley Cooper voices Rocket. The latter get all the others into trouble for some mysterious reason called ‘plot’. Somewhere along the line Chris Pratt’s dad turns up and when we find out he lives on a planet called Ego we know things aren’t going to go smoothly.

We also have Baby Groot (Vin Diesel) who we’re supposed to adore. And for the most part we did, though it would have been better if he died in ever film like South Park: ‘Oh my God! They killed Groot!’

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REVIEW – THE BELKO EXPERIMENT

REVIEW – THE BELKO EXPERIMENT – The Office takes a dark turn.

An American company in Columbia, South America. The open plan offices the usual office types. The gay guy, the tech nerd, the newbie. The bitch, the sexy girl, the lech and the John Krasinski type (John Gallagher Jr.). The PA makes an announcement that the employees should murder 3 of their co-workers in the next twenty minutes or six of them will be killed. Or as we call it in the studio, Wednesday.

What follows is a small-scale generic exercise. The talent behind the camera – the Guardians of the Galaxy guy James Gunn wrote the script and Wolf Creek Oz-gore meister Greg McLean directed means that proceedings are clippy and as painfully sharp as a paper cut. The gore mounts as the challenges predictably escalate and the humor comes in a number of sight gags, which want to be subversive, but are really just sight gags. No genuine rage enthuses the satire so that it isn’t really satire at all. And this wouldn’t matter so much, but the last act is so ploddingly predictable the film could really do with a reveal. Some stunning Cabin in the Woods style game-changer. Instead, the reveal is already in the title. And the villainy behind everything is almost laughably banal. SPOILER (I think): sociologists! I hate those guys. The one horrifying element of the finale is the promise there will be a sequel.

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GOLDIE HAWN JOINS KURT RUSSELL FOR GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY 2

HOLLYWOOD – Today the news we have all been waiting for was finally confirmed: Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell are uniting for Guardians of the Galaxy 2.

Everybody knew that Guardians of the Galaxy 2 was going to be good.  The original James Gunn film was a fun, witty and action-packed adventure, but rumors had been circulating that none other than Deathproof, pork chops himself Kurt Russell would be appearing as the Star-Lord’s father. However, it was only today we discovered that he would be reuniting with his wife Goldie Hawn who joins the cast as Star-Lord’s stepmother Joanna.

Director James Gunn told the Studio Exec:

I was so excited about getting Kurt but secretly I wanted the family pack. I am a huge fan of Overboard and this will be an unofficial remake of that film. Obviously we focus a lot on Chris Pratt and the various japes that he gets up to, but there is a whole subplot about Star-Lord’s dad and his step mom and how they met. The chemistry between the two of them is off the chart and I think this is something that really is going to lift the film above the usual sequel problems.

Goldie Hawn said that she was very excited to be a part of the new film.

More than anything it will be a chance for me and Kurt to spend a little time together. What with a hectic schedule it has been really difficult to find any time to sit down and really enjoy each other’s company. On a film set, strangely enough there actually is quite a lot of time to do that. We’ll probably drive each other crazy but that doesn’t matter because it will feed into the characters.

The Guardians of the Galaxy 2 will be released.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

JAMES GUNN: 5 SUPERHEROES YOU WANT TO HAVE A MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION WITH

 

 

HOLLYWOOD – Hi, I’m James Gunn, director of Super, Slither and … oh yeah GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY. Now some of you might remember I got into a bit of hot water with a sexist and homophobic blog post I wrote back in 2011 entitled ’50 Superheroes You Most Want to Have Sex With’. I’ve apologized and I regret it very much, but Studio Exec gave me the opportunity to redress the balance with another post along similar lines and I jumped at the chance. So here are my 5 Superheroes I’d most like to have a meaningful conversation with.

1. Batwoman. I’d first of all love to apologise to her and say I’m fully aware that Lesbian women do not need/want ‘curing’, especially not by misogynists like Tony Stark. Am I right, sisters? Then I’d read some poetry with her. Sylvia Plath is one of my favourite poets. Or not. I mean she might not be into poetry. That’d be something we’d have to find out.

2. Gambit. Again I’d probably want to apologise first off the bat for calling him a ‘Cajun fruit’. Then we’d talk about something else. I don’t know anything really. Soccer, or movies. Ken Loach’s Sex and the City 3. Though why I said that one in particular, I don’t know. That’s just bullshit right there. We could talk about, like, Captain Phillips just as easily. Or The Expendables 3!

3. Pepper Potts. I’d love to talk to Pepper. I think she’d make a wonderful stand alone movie. So far we’ve just seen her making coffee and screaming and stuff. It’d be great for the world to appreciate her as the intelligent and fully rounded and deep human being she actually is. And who doesn’t want more Gwyneth Paltrow in the world, am I right?

4. Gamora. Obviously, she’s a strong woman and she is also one of the stars of my new movie. The Guardians of the Galaxy. It rocks.

5. The Black Widow. Because I’d totally f*ck her. Oh shit! I mean I’d talk to… we’d talk about… Dostoevsky or Charlotte Bronte or someone. We’d… or who am I kidding?

The Guardians of the Galaxy is out now.