A POEM BY JAMES FRANCO: I, DIRECTOR

James Franco – actor, writer, director, postman, acrobat, novelist, candlestick maker and – lest we forget – star of Spider-man 2 –  is also a poet and has given the Studio Exec permission to publish his work EXCLUSIVELY.  

I shout 
Action!
I shout 
Cut!
I shout at the crew
Shut the fuck up!
I am 
Franco
I am
Writer
I am 
Director
Of
Overly faithful literary adaptations
And I give 
Myself
Small Parts.

For more of James Franco’s poetic ouevre Click Here.

JAMES FRANCO TO STAR IN HBO SERIES BARELY LEGAL


james franco





NEW YORK – Everyone’s favourite polymath James Franco has signed up to star as lead character Skip Jung in the new Roman Polanski produced HBO drama series Barely Legal.

“I’m really looking forward to working with Roman, we have a lot in common,” said Franco.

The show centres around Jung, a thief and drug addict who has been in and out of prison his entire life. During his time in lock up, he develops a fascination for the legal profession and decides that when he’s released, he’s going to move to a small town and pose as a big city lawyer. Hence the title Barely Legal.

“It’s like Breaking Bad meets Doc Hollywood,” said the shows creator Stan Tutory:

James and I have been developing the script for a while and his input has been invaluable. He’s always available and always willing to lend a hand. Like the other week when we were auditioning girls to play the role of his bosses 17 year old daughter; James put them up in a hotel for the weekend and auditioned them all personally. He’s just a great guy.

Barely Legal is just one of many projects Franco is currently working including a stage version of American Beauty and his pet project, an animated musical version of Vladmir Nabokov’s Lolita for Pixar.


A POEM BY JAMES FRANCO: ME

James Franco – actor, writer, director, postman, acrobat, novelist, candlestick maker and – lest we forget – star of Spider-man 2 –  is also a poet and has given the Studio Exec permission to publish his work EXCLUSIVELY.  

 
Me


I look in the 
Mirror 
And what
Do I
See?
Me. 
Me.
Me?
Me 
With Seth Rogen
Me 
In Spider-Man 3
Me 
In Oz
Me
As Alien
Me 
Because
It’s not the mirror
I see
I’m looking
At the big screen
TV.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT JAMES FRANCO

HOLLYWOOD – Everybody thinks they know James Franco – the novel, the Nobel prize for everything and the crazy narcissism – but what do we really know?

I mean, really? Well here are five facts you never knew about James Franco.

1. James Franco is not only an actor who wowed audiences with his range in such films as Spider-man 3, Spider-man and Spider-man 2, he’s also a novelist, a poet, an artist, a film director and a model. 

2. James Franco is not only a novelist, he’s also a poet, an artist, a film director, a model and an actor who wowed audiences with his depth in such films as Spider-man 3, Spider-man 2 and Spider-man.

3. James Franco is not only a model, he’s also a novelist, a poet, an artist, a film director and an actor who wowed audiences with his chameleon like abilities in such films as Spider-man 3, Spider-man and Spider-man 2

4.  James Franco is not only a film director, he’s also a novelist, a poet, an artist, and a model and an actor who wowed with his subtlety audiences in such films as Spider-man 3, Spider-man 2 and Spider-man 2

5.  James Franco is not only an artist, he’s also a novelist, a poet, a film director, a model and an actor who wowed audiences with his ability to inhabit a role in such films as Spider-man 2, Spider-man 2 and Spider-man 2

For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE! 

JAMES FRANCO WINS THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR EVERYTHING

STOCKHOLM – James Franco – novelist, director, poet, artist, visionary and co-star of Pineapple Express – has been awarded the Nobel Prize for Everything.

The announcement took place late last night in a joint statement by the committees in Stockholm, Sweden and Oslo, Norway. The Nobel Academy announced that the special award had been made because:

James Franco is an internationally recognised renaissance man who – like a colossus – straddles the worlds of high art and popular culture. Having perfected acting with his appearance as Harry Osborn/the New Goblin in the Spider-Man films, he has intervened in art, with a show at the Venice Biennale which even made Marina Abramovic sit still for a moment, and literature with his new novel Actor’s Anonymous (read an extract HERE). However, his crowning achievement and lasting claim to immortality will undoubtedly be his Gucci fragrance for men advertising campaign in which he boldly stated that it was ‘made to measure’.

James Franco on hearing the news made the comment: ‘Yeah, like pffffff… Awards, right?’ Some have criticised the Academy, claiming that the award is an attempt to offset the damage done by their awarding  the Nobel Peace Prize to President Obama in 2009.

James Franco’s Cure for Cancer should be available early next year. 

 

JAMES FRANCO’S ACTOR’S ANONYMOUS (EXCERPT)

PALO ALTO – James Franco, as well as being an actor, an artist, a poet, an actor, a director, a mountaineer of the soul, a pot-holer of the Zeitgeist and an actor, is also now a novelist.

The Studio Exec have got an exclusive extract of his new book, Actor’s Anonymous.

I am an actor. I am in you. Everybody is in me. You don’t believe me? Don’t believe me. I have more money than you. Look at my friends. They have more money than you. 

I am Jack Nicholson. I am Al Pacino. I am Marlon Brando. I am Adam Sandler. Wait, maybe not Adam Sandler. 

If you are a movie actor, expect people to treat you like a fool. An intelligent prop. People will think you are the role that you play. If you smoke pot, you’re a stoner. If you kiss a dude, you’re (pffff) gay. If you try and kill Spider-man, that’s the end of your career. (Ha, ha!) No, but really it is.

Tell me what accent to use. Tell me what costume to where. I’ll read whatever you put in front of me. But I won’t understand it much. Nor enjoy it. I used to care how I look. I don’t care so much any more. Maybe it’s because I’m so James Franco.  

Actor’s Anonymous is released on the 15th of October, 2013.  

THIS IS THE END SEQUEL MOOTED

BERLIN – Seth Rogen and Jay Baruchel let slip in an interview with German cultural magazine ACHTUNG CHEESE! that they were working on a sequel to the oddly popular comedy This is the End

This is Not the End would be a prequel explained Seth Rogen, well Jay Baruchel sat in silent anger.

Otherwise how could we get Danny [McBride], James [Franco] and Jonah [Hill] into the film. So what happens is we have the same idea. There’s a party at Franco’s but whereas in the original film the world ends, in the new one, it doesn’t.  

So was ist da point?

Well, it’ll be cheap for one. The special effects on the last one, I know they didn’t look good, but they cost muchos coin! Also it will be an opportunity to be self-deprecating while at the same time being endlessly narcissistic. And yes, Michael Cera will be in it again.

Schiezen!

You’re welcome.

This is Not the End will be released in 2015. 

JAMES FRANCO TO SCRIPT, STAR AND DIRECT JAMES FRANCO

HOLLYWOOD – The entire world did a little wee in its pants with the excitement of the news that poet/artist/actor/writer/director/model James Franco is going to star in the long awaited motion picture, James Franco.

James Franco has been in development for over five years, but casting had not been confirmed and rumors were rife that Tobey Maguire or Jeremy Renner were both up for the role. Fears grew over the interwebs that perhaps Ben Affleck might try and bag this one too, but relief was universal and celebration uncontained when it was finally announced early this morning that James Franco had not only agreed to star in the film as himself, but would also be writing the script, directing and supervising the catering very closely. He released a statement via his press agent Marina Abramovic shortly after the announcement:

We (that is me, but also the corporate entity/universal soul that is James Franco) are delighted to be a part of this project. It has been a dream of mine to work with this director and also a dream of mine to direct this actor – a genuine talent in a sea of mediocrity. As a writer one dreams of the opportunity of writing on a really important theme, and none more important exist to my knowledge than James Franco. As for the catering, we’re going with Thai, but that’s subject to my final approval. 

James Franco will be released in 2015.

VENICE DIARY: DAY 4

VENICE – James Franco is here with his sixth film of the year. At the press conference he is all smiles and breezy chat.
‘Why only six films James?’ someone from Sweden asks. 

Well, you see I realized quite early on in the year that I was NOT going to cure cancer so that was two months wasted! In March I wrote a novel in verse about Marina Abramovic and then in April I knuckled down to tackling every major work of Twentieth Century American Literature About Men. I knocked As I Lay Dying of while on holiday with Danny McBride. The other four films are waiting rights clearance, that I kinda forgot.

Could we ask what they are?

Sure. Thomas Pynchon’s Gravity’s Rainbow, Catcher in the Rye, something by Saul Bellow, Herzog I wanna say… Oh and The Bell Jar.

But isn’t the Bell Jar about women?

All I can say is that Tim Blake Nelson’s mouth – biologically speaking – is exactly the same as Natalie Portman’s. In the dark if you will. 

James Franco’s Child of God will be released in 2014.

   

JAMES FRANCO SELLS NUT SACK ON EBAY











MEXICOJames Franco – artist, actor, director and Oscars host – announced today that he would be selling his nut bag on eBay as part of an (errr) artistic statement.

The Spider-Man 2 star murmured:

Oh, urgh… I mean… phhhhwwwwww… I think celebrities, I mean we’re just pieces of meat, right? So why not sell bits. I mean, all you want is a piece of me, so why not take like… uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh … a piece of me? Dig? 

HAS HOLLYWOOD SWITCHED TO BITCOINS?

Earlier today Spring Breakers star James Franco became the first actor in history to request that he receive payment for his next role in the revolutionary internet currency Bitcoins.

We caught up with Franco in New York to quiz him about his ground-breaking decision.

James. Why Bitcoins?

Money is dead, man. Those dollars in your pocket are little paper corpses and that credit card is a mobile tombstone. If I were you, I’d light a match and burn it all immediately. Hell, I’ve got a match, give me your wallet and let’s do it.

Mmm. Maybe after the interview. So when did you first hear about Bitcoins?

I had a few friends over for a smoke and my buddy Pancho is like an internet genius and he spent about 7 hours explaining the concept behind these bitcoins. I was mesmerised man. It’s like my mind was destroyed, rebuilt, destroyed again and then slowly put back together like one of those crazy 1000 piece jigsaws. I’m a changed man from top to bottom.

Many of our readers may not be aware of the Bitcoin phenomenon,  and those that have heard of it may not have grasped exactly what they are. Could you give them a brief description of what a bitcoin is and how it differs from traditional currency?

Er. Sorry I don’t follow?

What is a Bitcoin?

Oh. Well a Bitcoin is this thing. It’s like money but it only exists on the internet and you have to mine these coins by setting your computer to solve these maths problems. Then these coins can be used to buy pizza and shoes and stuff. One Bitcoin is worth like, $40 or something. But, technically, it’s not actually a currency. It’s a bartering system. So you know. Three chickens are worth one cow and you can get a bag of lemons for a watermelon.

I have no idea what you just said.

Yeah. To be honest I’ve not got a clue how it works but it’s the future, man. If you’re not doing it, you’re an old blind horse wandering in a dark wood looking for a small carrot up a really tall tree.

I see. So now you’re receiving payment in bitcoins. Do you expect more of your fellow actors will follow suit?

They already have man. I played poker with Rogan, Apatow, McBride and some other cats last week and instead of cash we used bitcoins.

So I assume that one red chip is say, the equivalent to 10 Bitcoins?

Er. Yeah maybe. I’m not sure. I cleaned up though by the time we stopped playing, I gambled $100,000 in cash and won 80 Bitcoins. I thought the other fellas would be p*ssed off I’d won so much but it was weird, they were all laughing their asses off.

Amazing. Thanks for the Interview James.

Yeah Man. Cool. Nice one.

REVIEW: SPRING BREAKERS

REVIEW: SPRING BREAKERS – Harmony Korine shows us what Russ Meyer’s world would like if populated by the less endowed stars of Disney and Nickelodeon.

Showing a frenzied urge to break the constraints of their clean teen profiles, Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Benson and Rachel Korine play a quartet of girls gone wild, who in their desperation to hit the beaches for Spring Break decide to turn their hands to armed robbery.

The partying proves as rough as their means of getting there and, after a run in with the law, they are bailed from jail by local musician and wannabe gangster Alien, played with grinning aplomb by Hollywood’s resident goof ball, James Franco, who has his own plans for the bikini clad waifs. Korine’s film is a hysterical and at times hallucinatory joyride of candy-colored tastelessness and cussed amoral hedonism. A generic hybrid, for the young lasses it’ll be a pussy riot Clockwork Orange, for the young fellas it’ll be a dribble fest and for their parents it’ll be the scariest horror film they ever seen.