WASHINGTON – The end of the US election – due to take place on Tuesday – will be directed by The Sixth Sense director and ‘genius’ M. Night Shyamalan.

Both political parties have agreed that Mr. Shyamalan is uniquely positioned to give the climax of one of the closest races in history of American politics exactly the right kind of ‘Oh, so he was dead all along!’ feeling come Tuesday evening.

CNN had originally lobbied for James Cameron to be called in for the final push – ‘he would have given us a fantastic virtual environment’ – but sources close to the Piranha 2 script writer said that due to a strange condition contracted while diving to the bottom of the Mariana Trench, Mr. Cameron is not allowed out of seawater or his beard turns into an octopus. Fox wanted to go with John Milius but his recent incarceration for ‘becoming warrior king’ of a part of Cambodia ruled him out.

Associate Producer, Mark Wahlberg said that M. Night Shyamalan was perfect for the job:

There’ll be a cheap twist, many people will feel bitterly cheated and we’ll wake up the next day with an empty feeling. Shyamalan is the master and providing that effect. Everyone is praying we’re going to get The Sixth Sense or Unbreakable and not The Last Airbender.

Or The Happening?

I have no recollection of any film of that title.