CAMERON ANNOUNCES TITANIC 2, 3, 4 & 5

HOLLYWOOD – Avatar and Terminator director, James Cameron announces Titanic 2, 3, 4 & 5 will all go into production shortly. The news that James Cameron announces Titanic 2, 3, 4 & 5 means that he will be shooting movies for fifteen years. The Studio Exec caught up with the director on the set of his latest film, Avatar 4: Ably Obtaining The Unobtainable Unobtanium.

Where Did You Get The Idea For Titanic 2, 3, 4 & 5?

As you know, I’m not one for chasing money. Usually I abhor such lavish productions. But I was floating in my gigantic flooded underwater sound studio one day and Boom! I had a little idea. People pay a lot of money to watch any old shit. So I put 2 and 2 billion together and came up with an idea for a Titanic sequel. Actually, a whole fucking series of them.

Can You Tell Us Anything About The Plot?

Of course I can. I’m KING OF THE WORLD! We join marine biologist, Sarah Connor as she travels to the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. There she boards a submarine and joins an underwater oil drilling crew. Together, they will stumble across something that will shock everyone.

It’s Aliens, Isn’t It?

Yeah, but not nice watery ones. These ones come in big slimy eggs. Guess what happens then? Go on, guess. You’ll never get it.

If You Say Chestburster, James Cameron, So Help Me I’m Leaving.

No, I wasn’t going to say that at all. I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Don’t Lie To The Exec, James. You’re Full Of Shit.

Honest! I wasn’t going to say that.

Ok Then. My Apologies. Please Continue.

These killer robots are sent back in time to kill Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet and Sarah Connor. And then-

 

This Interview Is Over.

Avatar: The Way Of Water Is Released This Coming December.

WARNER DC ANNOUNCE JAMES CAMERON TO DIRECT BATMEN

HOLLYWOOD – Warner DC have announced a new film called Batmen that will tie up all the different versions of Batman currently in production.

The new film, Batmen as announced by Warner DC, will finally see Robert Pattinson’s Batman share the screen with Ben Affleck, Michael Keaton and Christian Bale, directed by Mr. Titanic James Cameron.

A Warner insider told us:

We have so many Batman incarnations in production at the moment that we figured, why the hell not? So we just threw them all on the table. Then we drove trucks of money up to Pattinson, Affleck, Keaton and Bale’s homes and magically, they agreed. Because Batman is so popular, there’s no way we can lose money on this one. Just imagine all of the toys.

James Cameron is on board and is very excited:

This will be the start of what we are proud to call ‘The Batverse’. If that crap can work for Spiderman and those oh so colourful people at Marvel, then why can’t it work for us? It’ll be like The Odd Couple, but in a Batcave and four of them instead of two, but you get the idea. Affleck will be like Walter Matthau but in a cape and cowl, he’ll be the big burly, grumpy one. Keaton will be like Jack Lemmon, always trying to tidy up all the Batarangs left lying around. Pattinson will be like their kid, or something and Bale will just hang around in the shadows, shouting, ‘Where is she?!’

The cast is impressive. “We’ve also bought the rights to Adam West’s voice work on Family Guy and he’ll play the voice of the Bat Computer,” said Cameron. “We’ll have Joaquin Phoenix wheeling Jack Nicholson around and Jared Leto will just post boxes of shit to everyone. Two Face will now be Four Face with Aaron Eckhart and Tommy Lee Jones looking like Zaphod Beeblebrox. This thing writes itself.”

Cameron promised to work on the film just as soon as his latest Avatar film is released. 

Batmen goes into production in 2030.

LEONARDO DICAPRIO BUYS MOON

HOLLYWOOD – Leonardo DiCaprio has bought the Moon.

Departed and Revenant star Leonardo DiCaprio bought the Moon yesterday.

In a statement issued by DiCaprio’s agent, the actor declared the following:

As a lifelong conservationist, I have watched with despair as the natural beauties of our planet have been despoiled by corporations and individuals. The new Trump administration is only the latest in a long line of politicians who have preferred to put short term political goals before the survival of other species and the eco-system.

As a consequence, I have decided to buy the Moon. I have sole property rights now and will be going there to live in the next decade or so. And no one else is going to be invited. You can all fuck off. I’m going to have a moon base and a very powerful telescope so I can watch the rest of you assholes drowning in the rising oceans, or fighting bloody wars over shrinking resources. I might let Jim Cameron visit. He says he wants to visit the Sea of Tranquility. The asshole thinks it’s an actual sea.

God, he’s dumb.

NASA have said that they sold DiCaprio the Moon last Tuesday by accident, when one of their employees put it on eBay.

Leonardo DiCaprio will next appear in Space 1999: The Motion Picture.

ABBA TO STAR IN AVATAR SEQUEL

HOLLYWOOD – Abba today revealed that they will star in James Cameron’s Avatar sequels.

Abba have announced that they have written and recorded their first new songs since they split in 1982 for the James Cameron film Avatar 2 and they intend to star in all the Avatar films, however many they may be.

The Swedish four-piece, who had nine No 1 hits in the UK between 1974 and 1980, and who have sold hundreds of millions of records worldwide, announced on Instagram that they will play in the Avatar movies.

The band said in a statement: “The decision to go ahead with the exciting Abba avatar project came about after a chance meeting with James Cameron at the bottom of the Mariana Trench. He wanted us to record the theme song. So we did. And it was like time had stood still and we had only been away on a short holiday. An extremely joyful experience!”

One of the two new songs that resulted, I Still Have Faith in You, will feature in the movie.

The statement concluded: “We may have come of age, but the song is new. And it feels good.”

Abba’s Björn Ulvaeus said that the band had been digitally scanned and “de-aged” to look like they did in 1979, when the band performed their third and final tour.

“We just can’t wait to get to Pandora,” said Bjorn.

Avatar 2, 3, 4 and 5 will be released on Tuesday.

MARK WAHLBERG AND BRADLEY COOPER TEAM UP FOR CHARLIE’S ANGELS REMAKE

HOLLYWOOD – Mark Wahlberg and Bradley Cooper to star in Charlie’s Angels remake.

Mark Wahlberg and Oscar-nominated Bradley Cooper are in early talks to topline Sony’s Charlie’s Angels reboot. Elizabeth Banks will direct. The film will be released June 7, 2019.

Based on the original 1976-1981 television series, starring Kate Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Jaclyn Smith, Charlie’s Angels first hit the big screen in 2000, with Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore and Lucy Liu starring as the crime-fighting trio working at a private detective agency for the mysterious, unseen Charlie Townsend. The film went on to make $264M at the box office and spun the 2003 sequel Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, which pulled in $259M worldwide.

Wahlberg and Cooper are famous for being men but Banks says that she doesn’t see this as a problem.

We get too hung up on this girl movie men movie thing. First off Charlie’s Angels is ripe for a re-imagining. A powerful woman takes over and these bimbo guys have to fight the bad guys. Or girls. I mean, who cares? This film will explore gender and action.

James Cameron welcomed the news.

It’s about time we had more films with men in them. That Patty Jenkins is such a pain.

Charlie’s Angels will be released in 2019.

JAMES CAMERON CALLED SEXIST AFTER CLAIMING WONDER WOMAN SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE FEMINIST

HOLLYWOOD – Avatar and Titanic director, James Cameron received widespread criticism after claiming Wonder Woman should have been more feminist.

It’s an odd state of affairs. On the one hand, it looks like mansplaining on a Titanic scale, which has seen James Cameron thrown into an Abyss of opprobrium. But the actual comments he made seemed like a valid response. He stated in an interview with British newspaper The Guardian:

All of the self-congratulatory back-patting Hollywood’s been doing over Wonder Woman has been so misguided. She’s an objectified icon, and it’s just male Hollywood doing the same old thing! I’m not saying I didn’t like the movie but, to me, it’s a step backwards. Sarah Connor was not a beauty icon. She was strong, she was troubled, she was a terrible mother, and she earned the respect of the audience through pure grit.

As galling as it can be to have an older geezer telling a female director what she should have done with a female character, her response talks more about how the audience – specifically women – react to the character, rather than the depiction of the character herself. Here it is in full:

patty Jenkins

Audience react to it, so it must be good is an argument, but it isn’t necessarily a strong one. I loved Wonder Woman and I think it still had problems. Ultimately, there’s always going to be debate about objectification of female characters which often comes down to intention and literally point of view. The male gaze stuff isn’t as popular as it once was, as a theory. And here we should note that a Marvel comic book movie isn’t some auteur-led vision of the director alone.  So all this is just to say we shouldn’t shut down debate quite so quickly. We’re not Aliens, snapping about like Piranhas, waiting for some Judgement Day to come. We’re human beings try to work out how best to deal with each other via the Avatar of art.

James Cameron will release Avatar 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 subsequently.

JAMES CAMERON TO ABANDON CGI AND 3D FOR AVATAR SEQUELS

HOLLYWOOD – James Cameron has announced that he will be abandoning CGI and 3D for the Avatar sequels.

Terminator director James Cameron wowed fans earlier this week with the news that he is to write and direct 416 Avatar sequels, but today he also clarified that he would be making a break with the first film by abandoning CGI and 3D for the new movies.

James Cameron spoke with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

I want the new Avatar films to stand on their own and be different, not just a rerun of the original Avatar. I re-watched my director’s cut recently as a way of preparing for the new films and the one thing I took away was the CGI and 3D were just distracting. Half the time it looked like I was watching a cartoon. I want something more real and gritty for the new films. I’ve been watching the Dardennes brothers quite a lot.

But surely it will be impossible to recreate Pandora without using green screens?

Far from it. There’s some really good locations in Canada that at a snip can look very much like Pandora.

How will you deal logistically with making 416 films? Won’t you … how can I put this … die at some point?

I know what you mean. Yes, of course if I made 416 films even back to back I would probably be way too old towards the end. That’s why we’ve decided to film all 416 films concurrently. And Sam Worthington, despite being accidentally deleted two years ago, will be back and better than ever. Sam Worthington 2.0.

Avatar will be out every year for the next four hundred and sixteen years.

JAMES CAMERON ANNOUNCES 416 NEW AVATAR SEQUELS

HOLLYWOOD – James Cameron announces a grand total of 416 Avatar sequels to his 2009 classic Science Fiction adventure.

Speaking at Comicon on Thursday, James Cameron stunned fans by announcing that they would be returning to Pandora once more for 416 new Avatar sequels. Cameron told a slack-jawed audience:

I have so many stories to tell and they all require advanced CGI technology, 3D, insipid characters and patchy dialogue. There’s only one place that I can get all those things and that’s in Pandora.

Cameron denied basing his ideas on the recent success of the Marvel and Star Wars franchises:

Star what? No, I’ve never seen them. I’m not interested in following other people. I just want to make my own films and occasionally chug around in a little submarine. And before you ask, yes, it’s yellow.

Cameron also offered some detail:

The first film will be Avatar: Assemble and then I plan four hundred films, each one an ‘anthology’ film – my word – following an individual member of the tribe of the Av’i.

Isn’t it the Nav’i?

Seriously, who gives a fuck? The important thing is Sam Worthington has been rebooted and Zoe Saldana will return also.

Avatar 2-416 will be released in 2019.

TOP SPIELBERG FILMS BILLY ZANE-D BY JAMES CAMERON

HOLLYWOOD – It’s the new trend that is taking over Hollywood and all of Steven Spielberg’s films have now been Billy Zane-d.

To Zane a movie is to digitally insert Billy Zane into a film in order to ‘heighten dramatic tension.’ The first Zaned movie was Titanic. What many people don’t know about James Cameron’s 1997 disaster movie is that Billy Zane was never actually a regular member of the cast. The film had been shot in its entirety but test screenings showed that audiences found the boat v iceberg story less than gripping.

James Cameron takes up the story:

The unsinkable ship versus the immovable obstacle: the iceberg! We thought we had the whole kit and shebang, but it turned out that audiences needed more dramatic tension. Who knew? So we digitally inserted Billy Zane in the role of Cal and we gave him a gun. Just to make the Titanic seem a little more dangerous.

Billy Zane has been introduced into every Steven Spielberg film by James Cameron using ‘Avatar’ technology. Cameron told the Studio Exec:

Jaws will be much scarier with Zane on the boat, conspiring to steal diamonds. And imagine how creepy Duel is now that Zane is driving the truck. And Schindler’s List! You thought the Nazis were bad but here comes Zane with a small pistol and a thin mustache.

The Zaned Steven Spielberg collection will be available on Blu-Ray in 2017.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

 

PANDORA SHOOT IN DOUBT FOR AVATAR 2

HOLLYWOOD – Pandora is in crisis as James Cameron threatens to move Avatar 2 shoot to Canada.

Part of the reason James Cameron’s Avatar was so successful was its wonderful location, the planet of Pandora. However, escalating instability on the planet plus high shooting costs means that James Cameron and his crew may well not return to the planet for Avatar 2 but will instead but shooting the film in Canada.

An insider to the production told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Ideally we’d love to be on Pandora. The planet gives you so much. 360 degrees of lush vegetation, the colors, everything. But the fact of the matter is it has very little infrastructure, the logistics of simply getting there are a nightmare and then you have the pull of some very generous tax credits on the Canadian side.

Star Sam Worthington has said in the past that he was very close to Pandora and even accepted honorary citizenship there last year, which explained his absence from the world of filmmaking as the round journey takes two years. Worthington released a statement saying:

To my understanding the decision has not yet been finalized and I would hope that there is some solution which will see us shoot in Pandora which is a unique location. Not only is it wonderful for the film, but the Pandorans have a vibrant culture and a wonderful sense of humor. Those guys keep telling me they have this box they want to show me, but they never let me open it. It’s hilarious!

James Cameron was unavailable to comment as he is believed to be currently located in his underwater lair in the Marianas Trench.

Avatar 2 will be released in 2018.

JAMES CAMERON TO DIRECT GLADIATOR SEQUEL

HOLLYWOOD – Once more James Cameron is to take over the reins of a Ridley Scott film as he prepares to shoot the Gladiator sequel.

Following close on the news that James Cameron is to direct the sequel of Prometheus came the revelation that he is also prepping a sequel to the Russell Crowe sword and sandal epic Gladiator. Gladiators will be set ten years after the events of the first film. The official synopsis reads:

Maximus Decimus Meridius is dead but not forgotten. The people of Rome have elevated him to the status of a demi-God and a symbol of freedom. Lucilla mourns her dead lover and her son, the new emperor, Lucius Verus, now known as Optimus, believes he is the model of manhood. When Rome is threatened by an invasion of Vandals and Goths from the North, Emperor Optimus with the help of the High Priest of the Temple and necromancer decide to raise Maximus from the dead to lead their armies. Unfortunately, they are too late and the Barbarians are already at the gates of Rome. Killed halfway through the ceremony, the priest manages to complete the incantation and as the invaders celebrate their victory a hoard of Maximuses are brought to life. Will they be able to free Rome and free the  imprisoned Lucilla and Emperor Optimus or are they doomed to fight in the Coliseum for the entertainment of Rome’s new Masters?

James Cameron popped into the Studio Exec bungalow to talk about his new film.

I’m looking forward to it. I am putting Avatar on hold to do this and Prometheuses but I believe both films will extend much loved universes and I am confident, following my success with Aliens, that everyone will be happy.

What is it with Ridley Scott’s films in particular?

It’s like this. I consider Aliens to be my first big break. Terminator was a success, but I don’t know if I would have got Terminator 2: Judgement Day without Aliens. So I have a lot of affection for that movie. Whenever Ridley comes out with a film, it is almost a reflex for me to think, would it work in the plural. Sometimes, it’s obvious that it won’t. Thelmas and Louises I wrote a script but the story of two sets of twins who went on a road trip into the badlands of misogyny was never going to work. Matchstick Men was already plural and Black Hawks Down seemed tasteless. More recently I briefly considered The Counselor, but really, what’s the point?

Gladiators will be released in 2018.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

JAMES CAMERON TO MAKE PROMETHEUSES

MIAMI – Ridley Scott revealed today that he would not be directing the sequel to Prometheus as he had ‘muffed it up the last time’ and would be passing the reins to James Cameron.

“Prometheuses” will be released sometime in 2017 and will be the second time that James Cameron has taken over a franchise started by Ridley Scott. Speaking from a hot tub in Florida, Ridley Scott said:

I was really looking forward to getting back to the Alien universe, but something went wrong. I could blame Damon Lindelof and his Pigs in Space script and so I will.  

Cameron said he was first approached about the idea soon after Prometheus had been released.

They came and asked what I thought about doing a sequel and did I have any ideas. I said sure, I did. I said, what if there were more Prometheuses? Like a whole army of them. And there was this bunch of rough neck marines sent in, led by (obviously) Michael Biehn. 

Prometheuses? You mean … but the space ship was…

I mean the horrible creatures that burst out and the blood ….  hisssssss… argggghhh! Kapow, kapow. Ka-BOOOOM (in 3D).

You haven’t actually seen the film have you?

No, not actually seen it. No. But they said that would be an advantage. 

Prometheuses will be due out sometime in 2017.

SAM WORTHINGTON TO BE IN ANOTHER FILM

HOLLYWOOD – News hit the internet today that Sam Worthington was going to star in another film.

The film will have a title, a director and a script as well as other actors who will play alongside Sam Worthington. A producing partnership have already said how exciting the project is, despite the fact Sam Worthington is going to be in it.

An industry watcher spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about the development:

This is going to be a very bad year. If rumors are true Orlando Bloom has been defrosted from carbonite and is being made supple in preparation for Pirates of the Caribbean 5. The news that Sam Worthington is also free and roaming the studio system is too much to believe. I remember the old days when directors and producers employed actors in films.

The Brit-born Australian actor Sam Worthington has appeared in Terminator Salvation, Drift and Man on a Ledge. Worthington has so far left no comment about his forthcoming film except to say that he was ‘delighted to be working’.

There had been fears/hopes that Worthington had been deleted by James Cameron following the filming of Avatar, but Worthington went on to appear in Clash of the Titans and Wrath of the Titans but it is hoped that his new film won’t have the word “Titan” in the title.

Titan will be released in 2017.

JAMES CAMERON’S SHIRT DOESN’T LIKE TERMINATOR GENISYS

HOLLYWOOD – Director of Avatar, Titanic and the first two Terminator films, James Cameron has come out swinging in support for the latest film in the Terminator franchise, but his shirt mutely contradicted him throughout his comments.

Even as James Cameron said that he considered Terminator Genisys – starring Emilia Clarke and Jason Clarke – as the third film in the series – dismissing Terminator Rise of the Machines and Terminator Salvation – his shirt seemed to be colorfully  saying ‘I liked Terminator Rise of the Machines’. Cameron spoke about how  he loved watching Terminator Genisys as a fan and how pleased he was with how respectful the film was to its predecessors, the paisley (?) shirt suggested a suppressed love of Christian Bale’s John Connor.

Science fiction aficionados were quick to hit the comment boards and pick apart the subtext of Cameron’s shirt.

Swiss Sci-fi buff Xavier Poulis wrote on the Freejack fan site Jaegger:

I think it’s obviously a throwback to the sixties and the Golden Age of Science Fiction shirts. It’s psychedelic exuberance suggests nothing less than the Stargate section of 2001 a Space Odyssey. Although Cameron was letting off spoilers, left right and center, his shirt seemed to subtly undermine almost everything he said. Hinting that fans of the first movies will again be wearing that fixed fake smile that Schwarzenegger flashes in the trailer as they watch the new film unfold before their unbelieving eyes.

It is believed that Paramount have given James Cameron’s shirt a three picture development deal and that its first project will be a remake of The Deep.

Terminator Genisys is directed by Alan Taylor, written by Laeta Kalogridis and Patrick Lussier and will be released on July 1, 2015.