SCARY-WOOD  – Happy Halloween Folks!

Graves yawn and spew forth vampires, zombies, serial killers, Billy Crystal jokes and ghosts. So, the Studio Exec presents his scientifically proven scariest movies ever made list. Five of the scariest movies ever made. 

Firstly. Mamma Mia! A beautiful idyllic island in Greece seems like paradise on Earth and young Sophie is looking forward to her wedding when the horror and terror which lurks beneath the surface suddenly erupt as Pierce Brosnan turns up to sing. ARRRGGGGHHHHH!! Meryl Streep Sings and ACTS. AAAAIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE! and everyone sings ABBA. ARRHGHGHGHGHGGGGGGHHHHHUURGHHHHHH-cough.

Secondly. Look Who’s Talking 2: As if it isn’t bad enough that one baby is possessed by John McClane the othe one turns out to be possessed by Roseanne Barr. The second sequel to Rosemary’s Baby closed the most frightening chapter in postnatal terror.

Third. Alvin and the Chipmunks: the Squeekquel: Not only do those irritating horrible little gremlin-like tribbles sing and dance in one movie, enough idiots (AKA children) went to see it for there to be another. The Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Snuff Movie remains alas just a hopeful dream, something to console the desperate in the darkest longest night of the soul.

Four! Jack: Robin Williams appears in a film the trailer of which describes it as the story of a ’10 year old boy trapped in a 40 year old man’s body’. Urrrrggghhhh.

And finally. The Canyons: Not happy with her Christine inspired shocker Herbie Fully Loaded, Lindsay Lohan is back, showing exactly what her curse can wreak on all those around her. Talents such as Bret Easton Ellis, Paul Schrader and even little Jimmy Deen are left carcasses in her bad movie, awful acting wake. Like the cursed video from The Ring, watch this film AND LOSE YOUR SOUL!

Happy Halloween everyone! from the Studio Exec.   


HOLLYWOOD – Following on from the critical and commercial success of Twixt, Tetro and Youth Without Youth, Francis Ford Coppola has turned his attention to his long gestated Apocalypse Now prequel, provisionally entitled Apocalypse ASAP.

‘We have a script, that I’m very pleased with,’ said Coppola, speaking from his vineyard and olive oil export/import business headquarters. ‘The one thing that has been holing us up has been to find a star of the caliber of Marlon Brando to play the young Kurtz. But when I saw Shia LaBeouf in Lawless I knew I had my man.’

The official studio synopsis reads:

We meet Col. Kurtz as a boy organizing orchard raids with the other children and playing in fields of gardenias. This idyll will change when the Vietnam War breaks out and – now a man and career soldier – Kurtz gets in trouble with his the brass after organising a blues/rock concert when they wanted a rock/blues concert. He becomes a Green Beret – he was ‘the oldest to hump it round that course’ – and then heads of into the jungle for larks.

Coppola has already stated that he wants Apocalypse ASAP to be lighter in tone to Apocalypse Now. ‘For instance, in Apocalypse Now, The Doors gave us this brooding disturbing soundtrack. For Apocalypse ASAP, I’ve asked One Direction to come up with something jaunty and fun,’ said Coppola.

However, Shia LaBeouf has yet to confirm his participation. In a statement issued via his agent, Mr. LaBeouf commented:

I would be very excited to work with the legendary director of The Godfather and Apocalypse Now, but less excited to work with the director of Dracula and The Godfather Part Three and I really don’t want to work with the director of Twixt and Jack.  

Coppola seemed unperturbed by the setback.

‘I have an ace up my sleeve,’ he said pulling at his beard with both hands. ‘And his name is Hayden Christensen. Cheap my friend. Very cheap.’

Apocalypse ASAP starts filming sometime in 2014.