CHRIS PINE DEEPLY REGRETS

HOLLYWOOD – Chris Pine deeply regrets not getting Jack Ryan’s latest iteration in Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit right, but what else does Chris Pine deeply regret.

Chris Pine deeply regrets…

telling Steven Spielberg what he really thought of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

investing his savings in flatulenthousewives.com

starring in Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit by the director of Thor, Kenneth Branagh

what he did to your mother’s first cousin when he was drunk on mescal last April

going to the cinema with Pee Wee Herman

that he had a surname which was low hanging fruit for film critics reaching for a pun to describe his acting skills

being in Star Trek: Into the Darkness and not Star Wars: The Force Awakens

eating the mushroom and chives omelette with a side salad when he wanted a steak and fries

meeting William Shatner, getting drunk with William Shatner, getting that tattoo with William Shatner, of William Shatner

asking Meryl Streep if a dingo had really eaten her baby

buying a gym membership that he never intends to use

taking a sneaky leak in in William Friedkin’s Jacuzzi and then realizing there was some kind of dye that was activated by urine

This Means War

This Means War

This Means War

This Means War

KENNETH BRANAGH CHANGES NAME TO ‘DIRECTOR OF THOR’

HOLLYWOOD – Kenneth Branagh renowned thespian and film director, adapter of Shakespeare for the big screen and Knight of the British Empire has changed his name to Director of Thor.

Sir Director of Thor telephoned Studio Exec to explain his reasons:

It happened when I happened across the trailer for my new film Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit and I saw they had written ‘From the Director of Thor ‘as a selling point. I was up all night thinking about that. Following my justly celebrated debut, starring in and directing Henry V, I went on to a career which was understandably compared to Laurence Olivier. I directed more Shakespeare including my masterpiece, a four hour Hamlet, as well as hugely successful Big Chill rip off Peter’s Friends. I’ve played Wallander and Shackleton and directed the National Theatre. I’m a knight of the realm. But none of that warrants a mention. No, it’s all subsumed by the fact I directed a comic book film, and not a very good one at that. So I thought f*ck ’em! If that’s what the people want, that’s what they’re going to get. I hop, a skip and a jump and I was down the deed poll office, paid my ten bob and my name was legally changed.

 Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit from the Director of Thor Director of Thor Branagh will be released secretly.