J.J. ABRAMS ANNOUNCES TITLE OF STAR WARS IX

HOLLYWOOD –  J.J. Abrams takes over Star Wars Episode IX and announces the title.

Taking over from Colin Trevorrow, J.J. Abrams will direct Star Wars Episode IX. He also announced that the title will be: The Return of the Empire Striking Back Jedi. He also revealed some of the story:

Luke Skywalker Rey initiates a plan to rescue Han Solo Finn from the crime lord Jabba the Hutt Jr. with the help of Princess Leia, Lando Calrissian, Poe Dameron, Maz Kanata, Chewbacca, C-3PO, and R2-D2. Leia Maz infiltrates Jabba Jr’s palace on Tatooine, disguised as a bounty hunter, with Chewbacca as her prisoner. Leia Maz releases Han Finn from his carbonite prison, but she is captured and enslaved. Luke Rey arrives soon afterward, but is also captured after a tense standoff. After Luke survives his battle with Jabba Jr’s Rancor, Jabba Jr sentences him and Han to death by feeding them to the Sarlacc 2.0. Luke Rey frees himself and battles Jabba Jr’s guards. During the chaos, Leia Maz strangles Jabba Jr. to death, and Luke destroys Jabba Jr’s sail barge as the group escapes.

Wait, you haven’t mentioned Luke Skywalker!?

Why would I? He died in Episode 8 dummy.

What?

I mean, spoiler.

The Return of the Empire Striking Back Jedi will be released in 2020.

NEW FORCE AWAKENS TRAILER IS 90 MINUTES LONG

HOLLYWOOD – The new international trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens is over ninety minutes long and features tons of new footage.

The new international trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens dropped on the internet today via Japan. It is ninety minutes long and features entire scenes and much of the story. So far was have had character poster (CLICK HERE) and a shorter trailer from which we already learned 117 things (CLICK HERE).

The new trailer features Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Daisy Ridley, and John Boyega, but still no Mark Hamill and no Hayden Christensen as yet. J.J. Abrams spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about the new international trailer:

We began with teasers and just glimpses and everyone got really excited so then we decided to give you basically two thirds of the film. With mainly got music on it and a few other things, but this way there’s only going to be about half an hour of stuff you haven’t seen. It’s going to be marvelous.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBT4QxC6eJs

 

For more Star Wars CLICK HERE.

 

GEORGE LUCAS IS HOMELESS

HOLLYWOOD – Star Wars creator George Lucas has hit hard times after signing over the rights to his beloved franchise to Disney.

Lucas, who has been living in a dumpster off Sunset Boulevard for the last 6 months blames himself for his descent into poverty:

I made a billion dollars by selling the rights to Star Wars but I made some bad investments and got ripped off. This guy offered to sell me the Planet Venus and I handed him most of my fortune. Turns out he didn’t own Venus but how was I supposed to know? His You Tube video was very convincing.

Not only was Lucas bankrupt he also found himself homeless:

The Skywalker ranch was all I had left but J.J. Abrams turned up one day with a fleet of moving trucks and a security guard and threw me out on the street. Apparently it was in the small print that whoever is running the franchise gets the ranch. I wouldn’t mind but my wife is still living there. She’s quite taken by him.

Asked if he was excited about the release of the episode seven trailer tomorrow, Lucas started crying:

I bought a can of gasoline and a box of matches with the last of my money. As soon as the trailer is released I’m going to set fire to myself outside Mann’s Chinese theatre. This world has been cruel to me and I want to go to a galaxy far, far away.

The Studio Exec contacted Steven Spielberg to ask him if was aware of his friends plight and the celebrated director was shocked by Lucas’ current situation:

 I said to George he could come and live in my dumpster and the offer still stands.