HOLLYWOOD – As the final days in the trial of the century play out, the Depp Vs Heard movie has been announced with a cast already in place. The movie will be called Turds Of Endearment. Danny Devito will play Amber Heard and Johnny Depp will be played by Charlie Day. The Exec spoke with writer, director and producer on the project Sidney Fastbuck.

Sidney, Where Did You Get The Idea for a Depp Vs Heard Movie?

In a word? TikTok. My timeline is full of their bullshit. It used to be badly edited videos of dogs jumping over pools of crocodiles. But now, it’s one or both of them pouting like their life depended on it. So I thought, if these douchebags are getting rich from those douchebags, then why can’t I?

I Assume This Is Going To Be A Comedy?

Why would you assume that? I’ve written a heartbreaking drama about love gone bad.

But Your Cast Suggests It’s An Extended It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia Episode.

It’s Always what now?

Sunny In Philadelphia. They Even Did An Episode Entitled Who Pooped The Bed.

I’ve never heard of that show in my life. If you ask me, it sounds disgusting. Who’s in it?

Your Two Leads, Danny DeVito and Charlie Day.

They never mentioned any of that to me. How weird is that? Still, it can’t be very popular if I’ve never heard of it.

It’s Ran For 15 Seasons So Far.

15? Huh. Well, it’s too late now, I’ve had the sets built. Do you know how expensive it was to recreate all the Pirates Of The Caribbean, Aquaman and Justice League sets? $440million. Just for a few shots of them in their respective careers.

Could You Not Get The Rights To Use Actual Footage From Those Movies?

Sorry, do what?

Surely It Would Have Been Far Cheaper To Just Buy The Footage Of Those Films.

Son of a bitch. I never thought of that. You’re a smart kid, y’know.

I’m 48 Years Old.

Turds Of Endearment Begins Shooting Later This Summer


HOLLYWOOD – Danny DeVito has been named the most famous man in the world, according to a recent poll.

Danny DeVito is officially the most famous person in the world. The poll was conducted by the Kevin Pollak Society and took in the largest number of respondents and the most geographically dispersed of any poll known to man. People were polled in places as far afield as Iceland, Afghanistan, the Democratic Republic of the Congo and San Marino as well as every country in Europe and the American continent. The figures were overwhelming with Kevin Pollak himself announcing the results from his headquarters in New Jersey:

I’m very happy for Danny. He won by a huge margin. The next nearest person was Martin Sheen but he was way down the field. The most famous woman was revealed to be Alison Brie from Community and Mad Men.

Danny DeVito first came to fame in the TV show Taxi. He has had a highly successful career as a film actor, starring in such hits as Romancing the Stone and Throw Momma from the Train. He moved into directing with Hoffa and has recently moved back to television with It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

The poll, which tested facial and name recognition, was based on science.