PET SEMATARY CRITICIZED FOR SHOCKING SPELLING

HOLLYWOOD – Adaptation of Stephen King’s Pet Sematary comes under fire for misspelling.

Stephen King adaptations have introduced many horrors to the world. Clowns in It; hotels in The Shining; teenage girls in Carrie and farting in Dream Catcher. But with Pet Sematary premiering at the SXSW film festival, a new horror arrived: poor orthography. One festival goer said:

It’s so distracting. It’s right there in the titles. I spent the rest of the film thinking about it. Took me right out of the movie. I don’t even know if the film was good or bad. Honestly. I’m furious.

 The movie stars Jason Clarke and Amy Seimetz as a couple who move to a new house  by a dangerous road. John Lithgow is the friendly neighbor and there’s a Pet Cemetery nearby where the bodies of the cats and dogs killed on the road are buried. It is the pet cemetery that is the sticking point for many viewers. Deidre Splash told the Studio Exec:

I’m a huge fan of Stephen King in general and this book in particular, but why did the film makers use a misspelling for the title. Are they dumb as fuck or what?

Stephen King Responds

King himself has always been open about criticizing some of the film adaptations of his film. He famously said that The Shining was a ‘pile of steaming shit cocks’. In this case however he came out and defended the film makers:

I misspelled the title of the book. It was my bad. I had some issues at the time and I was being careless. The film makers said to me that they would change it if I wanted but I liked that they kept the misspelling. It is in line with the spirit of the book. Well dun.

Pot Somotory is in theaters soon.

WHAT WE ALREADY KNOW ABOUT IT: CHAPTER 2

Following the success of IT: Chapter 1, the sequel of Andy Muschietti’s Stephen King adaptation IT: Chapter 2 is due out September 6, 2019.

So what do we already know about It: Chapter 2?

Well, to begin with the new film will be set in the future. The year is 2078 and Derry, the fictional town, has become a sprawling metropolis with flying cars and towering skyscrapers. All of the children from The Losers Club are now long dead, but their grandchildren – played by the same actors from chapter 1 – are being haunted by a demonic turtle called Pennywise. 

There will be some new adults in the cast including Christophe Lambert and Amy Adams. Jeff Goldblum has signed on to play a police captain called Hallorhan, a nod to The Shining perhaps.

Stephen King spoke EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec about the changes to his book:

It’s weird when anyone changes anything, but me and Andy had long talks and basically the feeling was with Stranger Things the 80s had kind of been done to death, so we wanted to take chapter 2 somewhere else. And where better than the future. As for Pennywise changing from a clown to a turtle, anyone who’s read the book will tell you that is conceptually consistent. 

As part of the promotion for the release Warner Bros will give ever member of the audience some cake.

IT: Chapter 2 is due out September 6, 2019.

STEPHEN KING’S LEGO MOVIE 2 SCRIPT LEAKS ONTO INTERNET

HOLLYWOOD – The Lego Movie 2 is already in production, but Stephen King’s script has apparently leaked onto the internet.

Everyone loved The Lego Movie. But now you can read the script to The Lego Movie 2, written by Stephen King.

INT. BEDROOM. NIGHT.

A man and his wife are sleeping in bed. A soft THUMP is heard. 

 WIFE

(Waking up)

What’s that, honey?

MAN 

Go back to sleep sweetheart, I’ll go and check it out.

The man gets out of bed. He looks at his slippers. 

MAN

(to himself)

I guess I don’t really need to wear those. 

He walks out of the bedroom and down the corridor to his son’s room. 

INT. SON’S BEDROOM. NIGHT.

The son turns over in his sleep. There are a pile of comic books on the bed and another one slides off the bed and lands with a THUMP. Tiptoeing, DAD crosses the room and moves the comic books to the shelves and then tucks his son in with a smile. Turning to return to his bedroom he…

CLOSE UP on barefoot:

…steps on a piece of Lego. 

He SCREAMS in agony. And falls in slow motion. CUJO the LEGO dog leaps from the shadows and tears an arm off. LEGO Annie Wilkes chops his foot off at the ankle with a LEGO ax handed to her by LEGO Jack Torrance. The creepy LEGO twins stand blocking DAD’s path.

LEGO TWINS

Come and play with us Daddy. Forever,

and ever,

and ever.

LEGO Pennywise lead the others in song.

ALL

(singing)

Everything is terrifying,

Everything is terrifying

(when you’ve stepped on a LEGO).

FINE

For more Script Leaks, Click Here. 

RONALD MCDONALD REVIEWS – IT

REVIEWS – IT – Guest reviewer Ronald McDonald weighs in on the latest Stephen King adaptation: It.

Stephen King’s epic horror novel It gets the big screen treatment. The Studio Exec called his best pal Ronald McDonald to give us a unique perspective on the new film and the scary protagonist Pennywise.

Hello Everybody! How ya doin’? Well, that’s great! HAHAHAHAHA! So I watched the new Stephen King movie IT! And I have to say Heavens to Betsy, it was quite the ride. T

hat fella knows how to scare the Dickens out of a body and no mistake! And yet… and yet…. I did have some reservations. Namely about the character of the murderous clown Penny wise. I know what you’re going to say. ‘Ronald, it’s only a movie!’ OH HO HO! But I hope you’ll excuse me. I am something of an expert and it is important that we get this kind of thing right. So the very first time we are introduced to Pennywise he is down a drain. Now in my long career as a crown I’ve played some insanitary places but the takes the BISCUIT!!!! HAHAHAHAHA! Think of the germs! Yikes! Also he murders the child.

We see Pennywise to get up to a lot of things, but none of them involve balloon animals and I think this the film really missed out. The makeup was convincing though a little complex for my taste. I mean are you a clown or some sort of mime? HAHAHAHA!! And the costume left a lot to be desired. In a word, drab! Pennywise’s attitude was very good, excellent voicework, but when he snacks on a child’s severed arm halfway through the film – I’m sorry but that’s hardly a Happy Meal is it? HAHAHAHA. And as a clown: eating should be done after work. The only pies you see me with are custard pies!

So on the whole Pennywise kept up the energy and the variety throughout. He kept the children jumping, but there were times he could’ve kept it much simpler – and a little too much talking.

For more Reviews, Click Here.

 

SPECIAL CHILD MURDERERS SCREENING OF ‘IT’ CAUSES CONTROVERSY

HOLLYWOOD – A special child murderers screening of Stephen King’s It has provoked widespread condemnation.

The Hoo-Har Movie House in New Mexico is to offer a child murderers screening of the new Stephen King adaptation It. Cinema manager Colt Breznev explains:

We heard the Alamo Drafthouse was doing a clowns only screening of It and we got to thinking. You see the thing about Pennywise isn’t that he’s a clown as such, it’s that he murders children. So if you have a clown screening chances are there’ll be lots of clowns there who are just well … clowns. We thought it would be better to ask for people who have murdered children.

Many condemned the idea. Marge Hotpot told the Studio Exec:

This is a ludicrous and disgusting idea. You are basically giving child murderers special treatment when they should in fact be put in prison or something.

But Breznev has responded to the criticism:

People are overreacting. We’re not encouraging people to go out and murder a child so they can get into the screening. For which reason we’ve introduced a cut off date. If you haven’t killed a child before 2016, then you don’t get in. If you have, in you come and claim free popcorn and a balloon.

It will be released next month.

FIRST LOOK AT ROGER MOORE AS PENNYWISE

HOLLYWOOD – The internets smashed into each other today when the first picture of Roger Moore as Pennywise, the demonic clown in the new Cary Fukunaga version of Stephen King horror film It.

The new version – It was previously filmed for television – is due for release in 2016, but speculation as to who was going to play the iconic clown Pennywise has been feverish. True Detective director, Fukunaga came into the Studio Exec bungalow to speak EXCLUSIVELY about the casting decision.

Tim Curry was a fantastic Pennywise and he was coming from a British theatrical tradition. The first name on my list was Roger Moore and when we phoned he said okay. I asked him to send us a photograph of himself in costume and he sent me this and I knew we had our clown. Absolutely terrifying.

Don’t you think he might be a little old?

I’m not an idiot. I know he’s getting a bit long in the tooth so I took the precaution of watching The Spy Who Loved Me and he looked great, so I think we’ll be okay.

But…

I also got some episodes of The Saint and watched them. He’s fresh faced and fantastic.

Those shows are decades old. 

Yeah.

It: Bring in the Clowns will be released in 2016. 

THE REBOOTED RONALD MCDONALD ‘TOO SCARY’

HOLLYWOOD – The new reboot of Ronald McDonald in the advertising campaign for McDonald’s has been criticized by church groups, youth organizations and Stephen King fans as ‘too scary’. 

Traumatized customer Gale Petersen (11 years old) said:

I love going to McDonalds. But last time I went I heard a voice from the drain. It was Ronald McDonald but he looked really dirty. He asked me if I wanted a balloon with my happy meal. I said yes, but then he grabbed my arm. And my dad stamped on his hand and broke his fingers.

A representative for the Golden Arches said:

That’s just kids though, isn’t it? They get scared easy and you know. We can’t worry about them all the time. Honestly. Frankly, we’re kinda sick of kids. F*cking little assholes.  

What do you think? Hmmm. Yeah? Really? Interesting.