HOLLYWOOD – Elijah Wood is to play Daniel Radcliffe in new movie.

A new movie documenting Daniel Radcliffe’s early career stars Elijah Wood. The Lord of the Rings star will write and direct the movie also. He spoke EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec:

I’m majorly psyched about the role. Radcliffe is for all of us a pole star. He’s the actor by which all us other child actors take our bearings. Like the pole star. I’ve just said that, haven’t I?

What’s the movie about?

The film charts the rise of Radcliffe. The struggles he had to overcome in order to achieve greatness. The main difficulty will be making me into a small child again, but we’re using Hobbit technology, forced perspective and all that, so we’ll be okay. The hope is that the movie will come off and then we can follow his journey, finishing with the triumph of Imperium.

Becoming Harry will be released in August.


HOLLYWOOD – Sad news at Hogwarts, as former Griffendor alumni and Quiditch champion Harry Potter today revealed himself to be a member of a white power group.

Harry Potter is a neo-Nazi, we have learned today. Speaking from his personal blog – there ain’t no black in the Griffendor flag – Potter wrote:

I’m sick of black people and muggles infecting the purity of our race. As a wizard I feel it is my duty to maintain as much as I can the blood lines of the ancient wizards. Although Voldemort was wrong in many of the things he said, I have come to agree that at least he made the trains run on time. Which can be more than can be said for that amateur Dumbledore.

The news was met with shock and dismay by thousands of Potter fans. Hermione  Granger, wizardry ambassador for the UN, had this to say:

I know Harry has been under a lot of pressure. Ginny has left him adn life has not been kind following the travails and early fame of his youth. However, none of this condones the outright racism and violent rhetoric he has employed. I believe he should be very carefully monitored and as a so called mud blood myself, I do see this as a personal betrayal.

Potter’s racist and hateful views became evident when he was spotted at a White Power rally in Alabama, USA.

Imperium will be released in August, 2016.