TONY BLAIR’S SECRET SPECTRE CAMEO.

LONDON – Lying, cheating, religious zealot and morally bankrupt former British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, will make an appearance in Sam Mendes’ upcoming Bond film, Spectre.

“We wanted to create a truly despicable character,” said Mendes:

Someone so evil you’d seriously question if he’d been born of womankind and not made in an underground laboratory by a team of Nazi scientists hell-bent on creating the perfect asshole. We tossed around some ideas: a mad dictator who wants to destroy the moon with his army of robotic winged monkeys; a crazed terrorist who seeks revenge against Bond for accidentally stepping on his foot in a packed tube train on the Northern Line. Sure, these were bad men but we wanted the ultimate bad man and I thought, who is the most duplicitous, underhand scumbag in recent history? Who, if I was passing him in the street and he was burning in flames would I not stop to piss on? Who, when all is said and done, is the worst person in the entire world? As soon as I asked myself that question, well, it was obvious who we needed.

The Studio Exec attempted to contact Tony Blair but he was unavailable for comment. However his agent, Abraham Goldberg, issued this statement:

Mr. Blair is currently on his secret Island base in the vicinity of Dubai were he is putting the finishes touches to his Ion cannon. Although he has held talks with Mr. Mendes no money has changed hands and Tony doesn’t confirm anything unless you show him the money. Preferably unmarked bills or failing that, a bank transfer to one of his several accounts in the Cayman Islands.

Spectre will be released in 2015.

IMDB THEME PARK DUE IN 2018

 

Peggy Sue Got Married Ride

The Internet Movie Database otherwise known as IMDB has announced it’s first theme park will open in Orlando, Florida in summer 2018.

 
The Studio Exec sat down with the owner Col Needham to ask him about the exciting project.
 
Col. Why a theme park?
 
It’s something I’ve been developing for over 10 years. I went to Disneyland Paris and it was so disappointing I thought, we can do better than this.



What didn’t you like about Disneyland?
 
It was just old hat. Boring rides, overpriced hot dogs and those creepy characters in costumes wandering around. I mean, who really gives a shit about Goofy and Pluto? Most kids these days wouldn’t recognize them in a police line-up!
 
So what is IMDB’s take on the theme park experience?
 
Well for one we have an enormous pool of movies to draw from. We also want to give the ticket buyer an experience they never had before so many of our rides are incredibly dangerous.
 
Dangerous?
 
Yeah. In fact there is like a 70% chanced you will be killed or maimed which is why you have to sign a waiver before you enter.
 
Interesting. Can you reveal some of the attractions?
 
Sure. We have TheShawshank Redemptionwhich is an underground log flume through a river of raw sewage. The idea behind Inception isyou’re plugged into the mainframe and you have to kill the other participants in their dreams. Dr Strangelove is a good one that involves you riding an atomic bomb dropped from a plane and there’s also The Schindler’s List Experiencebut we are having some legal issues with that one.
 
Wow. What does that involve?
 
You really don’t want to know. The original concept broke several protocols of the Geneva convention
The Apocalypse Now ‘Never get off the boat’ Ride

 

Sounds great. What would you say is your personal favorite?
 
I like The Apocalypse Nowride. It was designed by John Milius and it’s a kind of Ghost Train on water. We were a bit heavy handed with the napalm last week and several members of our crew were burnt beyond recognition but it all worked out. We had their dental records.
 
Well I must say Col I’m looking forward to it. Thanks for the interview.
 
No problem. It was my pleasure

NEW CROP OF IDEAS DISCOVERED: FOOD

HOLLYWOOD – We’ve had films based on novels and plays. And we’ve had films based on comic strips and video games. We’ve even had films based on board games, but a new source of film ideas has been discovered: food. With a whole rack of movies lined up Studio Exec – ‘the best movie resource site on the internet’ to quote IMDB – previews the pick of the crop.

  • Pop Tarts: Selena Gomez and Virginia Hudgens co-star with Justin Timberlake in the Harmony Korine scripted drama about fruity fillings and savoury snacks, which although sweet can still burn you with over hotness.
  • In and Out: A remake of the Kevin Kline gay comedy with Magnum (not the ice cream, but still…) will feature ‘much more eating hamburgers’ says star Jonah Hill, who laughingly said, ‘I’ll be choosing the salad’. 
  • Big Mac: Will star Liam Neeson as Mac and Rod Schneider as the Clown his enemy. When asked what attracted him to the project, Neeson pointed in the direction of Switzerland. 
  • Apple: Initially, when this film was slated, it was rumored that this was the long awaited Steve Jobs biopic starring John Goodman, but it turns out that Sally Fields will play Granny Smith and Dwyane ‘The Rock’ Johnson will play Golden Delicious. 
All films are set to be released in 2013 and are to be directed by Steven Soderburgh.