LONDON – Lying, cheating, religious zealot and morally bankrupt former British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, will make an appearance in Sam Mendes’ upcoming Bond film, Spectre.
“We wanted to create a truly despicable character,” said Mendes:
Someone so evil you’d seriously question if he’d been born of womankind and not made in an underground laboratory by a team of Nazi scientists hell-bent on creating the perfect asshole. We tossed around some ideas: a mad dictator who wants to destroy the moon with his army of robotic winged monkeys; a crazed terrorist who seeks revenge against Bond for accidentally stepping on his foot in a packed tube train on the Northern Line. Sure, these were bad men but we wanted the ultimate bad man and I thought, who is the most duplicitous, underhand scumbag in recent history? Who, if I was passing him in the street and he was burning in flames would I not stop to piss on? Who, when all is said and done, is the worst person in the entire world? As soon as I asked myself that question, well, it was obvious who we needed.
The Studio Exec attempted to contact Tony Blair but he was unavailable for comment. However his agent, Abraham Goldberg, issued this statement:
Mr. Blair is currently on his secret Island base in the vicinity of Dubai were he is putting the finishes touches to his Ion cannon. Although he has held talks with Mr. Mendes no money has changed hands and Tony doesn’t confirm anything unless you show him the money. Preferably unmarked bills or failing that, a bank transfer to one of his several accounts in the Cayman Islands.
Spectre will be released in 2015.