MOVIE NEWS – With the release of the first trailer for Lana Wachowski’s 4th Matrix film comes the inevitable, as The Matrix Resurrections plot leaks online. Hackers have gained access to Warner Bros final shooting script and the details are staggering. The Matrix Resurrections plot leaks will turn not only your rabbit, but also your shit white.

The Matrix Resurrections Plot Leaks Feel Weirdly Familiar

The Exec has read the script. And even after reading it, this is all we could figure out. We join Neo in a new reality where he is now known as John Wick. For years he has been an international super assassin with a soft spot for dogs. But now he’s in retirement… and therapy with Dr. Doogie Howser. Mirrors are now portals our hero can walk through. So there’s that.

Oh Jeez, Don’t Even Trip Dawg

Talking of portals, a strange Doctor with a weird child sidekick arrives through a green portal, claiming to be the smartest being in the Universe, but he disappears halfway through for an annoying mid-season break. So we’re back with Neo-sorry- John Wick (it’s confusing when they have the same hair). And he bumps into Trinity, although she isn’t and doesn’t recognize him. And he isn’t, and doesn’t either. So that’s all clear.

Crash, Bang, Zoom

And then shit starts exploding and there’s punching and kicking in bullet time. And The Matrix is now the hotel for assassins run by Lovejoy from Deadwood. There’s a really important Macguffin in one of the rooms. It’s really mysterious and wrapped up in pseudo-eastern philosophy. It’s like Sun Tzu rewriting Cloud Atlas filtered through Ayn Rand. This stuff is so convoluted, they had to get that friggin’ douche, The Architect back just to explain this stuff to justify blowing up a helicopter. We don’t care, just blow the fucking helicopter up. But don’t panic. Neo still says ‘Woah’ at least once every reel. And he still knows Kung Fu.

The Matrix Resurrections Is Released In December, And We Can’t Wait


NEW YORK – After weeks of secret negotiation, HBO have announced that Deadwood star Ian McShane will make an appearance in Game of Thrones.

“We’ve been chasing Ian for a while,” said a HBO spokesperson:

He’s a very hard man to pin down. One week he’s liberating Russian circus bears and the next, he’s on an archaeological expedition searching for the Ark of the Covenant. He gets around but we finally caught up with him and sealed the deal.

McShane will appear in season six as Luvjoy , a wandering antiques dealer who specializes in dragon glass.

“Luvjoy doesn’t feature in the original books but I was very keen to write a role for Ian,” said George R.R. Martin:

He’s a man of mysterious origins adept at swordsmanship and a real charmer. Ian complained that he never gets to do any sex scenes so I’ve written one in which he makes love to a White Walker. I say love, it’s more brutal, unbridled lust.

Asked if he had any plans to work with any other former members of the Deadwood cast, Martin nodded:

It’s funny you should say that, we’re currently talking to Jeffery Jones about playing Luvjoys sidekick, Tinkker