AFTER BREXIT CHILDREN OF MEN RECLASSIFIED AS DOCUMENTARY

LONDON – Following the shock result of the UK referendum to leave the European Union, the dystopian satire Children of Men has been reclassified as a documentary.

The British Film Institute has reclassified Alfonso Cuaron’s 2006 dystopian satire Children of Men following the Brexit result of the UK referendum on the European Union. A spokesperson for the BFI said:

The thing is we originally thought that the racism and hatred towards immigrants shown in Cuaron’s film was over the top, but actually we see that it is the driving thought of most little Englanders, of who there are much more than we realized.

But why is the BFI making such a political stance?

Well, did you like An Education? Or Hunger? Or Macbeth, Nanny McPhee, Amy, or Tinker Tailor, Soldier ,Spy? Or Game of Thrones? Or Under the Skin, or Pride, or Berbarian Sound Studio?

I didn’t like Nanny McPhee.

But did you like The Lobster, fish Tank, Belle? Shaun the Sheep?

Yes.

Then those were all made with vital help from the EU Media fund which paid the UK over 130 million pounds over the last decade. That won’t be there anymore.

Oh.

Exactly.

Children of Men star Clive Owen.

MICHAEL FASSBENDER’S FLUTE ALBUM A MASSIVE HIT IN GERMANY

BERLIN – Michael Fassbender hits number one on all German charts with his collection of flute music.

Michael Fassbender is one of the world’s most promising young actors. In films such as Fishtank, Hunger and Shame he has shown himself a startling performer and more recently with Alien: Covenant, someone who can make a move into the mainstream. So it might come as a surprise that in Germany Michael Fassbender is known primarily as a flautist. Gustav Bok, secretary of the Fassbender Flaut Uber Alles club told the Studio Exec: fassbender

Of course Michael is part German so that suggests perhaps why we Germans love him so much. But obviously it is the flute playing which is the most important thing. Michael has a wonderful pair of lips and he purses them just so. Making for the sweetest sound. And his lungs! Boy does this guy have the lungs. Many of our members don’t even realise he is an actor. They go to his concerts and buy his CDs and music. Many only went to Alien: Covenant because Michael plays the flute in it.

Fassbender’s flute antics also landed him a big role with a Hollywood director. Quentin Tarantino tells the story:

I was in Germany on a tour with a film and I was watching television and there was this massive flute concert and I didn’t even realise that fluting was so big in Germany. And I don’t mean like a flute and an orchestra. This is just one guy and a flute and he’s up there for three hours. It’s unbelievable. Magical even. And I thought I haev to have this guy. It was only when we were actually on set and filming Inglourious Basterds that this guy could actually speak English as well.

Michael Fassbender’s Flute Favorites is available on iTunes.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT MICHAEL FASSBENDER

HOLLYWOOD – He is one of the most exciting actors around, appearing in Slow West, Assassin’s Creed and a new version of Macbeth, but what do we really know about Michael Fassbender?

The Michael Fassbender FACT squad parachuted behind enemy lines last night, to get FACTS! Here they are:

1. Michael Fassbender has a large penis.

2. Michael Fassbender’s penis is half Irish and half German, a fact which led to Quentin Tarantino casting him in Inglourious Basterds.

3. The many failings of Prometheus could not be blamed on Michael Fassbender’s penis, which was the best thing in it.

4. Michael Fassbender’s penis is due to perform a one man show off Broadway. Details are unconfirmed but it is mainly believed to be stand up.

5. Michael Fassbender’s penis is attached to a versatile and talented actor who has been brilliant in Hunger, Shame and 12 Years a Slave as well as some films not directed by Steve McQueen, like X-Men: First Class and Frank.

For more FACTS click HERE.

STEVE MCQUEEN IS NOT STEVE MCQUEEN

HOLLYWOOD – Today shock waves fractured the fragile calm that had reigned in Hollywood since the news of Josh Brolin’s arrest, when a metaphorical bombshell exploded unleashing a hailstorm of burning fact shrapnel through the innocent bus queue of Southern Californian film life: famed and celebrated British Shame and Hunger film director Steve McQueen ended months of speculation and admitted that he was not Steve McQueen, the long dead American film actor.

Film historian Mark McKicklely said that the revelation only came as a surprise to idiots:

He’s black, he the wrong age, he’s a different body shape, he’s British, but most importantly, he isn’t dead. 

However, die hard McQueen fan, Donna Shack said that she was devastated:

We were hoping that he would return to acting and we could have had a whole bunch of sequels: The Great Escape 2, Papillion 2, The Magnificent Fourteen. Now that dream has gone. I feel like someone has literally ripped my heart from my chest. 

What do you think? Is Steve McQueen Steve McQueen or is Steve McQueen not Steve McQueen?
YOU DECIDE!!!