DONALD TRUMP MAKES AMERICA GREAT AGAIN

NEW YORK – Donald Trump has already gone some way to fulfilling his promise to make America great again, having bought Gerry Beckley and Dewey Bunnell new guitars.

The front-runner for the Republican nomination and former reality star Donald Trump today announced that he had already begun to make 1970s rock group America great again, thus beginning to fulfill a central campaign promise. He came over to Exec Tower to tell us what was going on:

We’ve bought them new guitars. They’re beautiful guitars. I’ve talked to my good friend Billy Joel and he along with Huey Lewis and perhaps Cyndi Lauper if she’s not on the rag are all going to write some new songs for the boys. We want America out there performing new material. Not just rotting away on the nostalgia circuit churning out the old hits ‘A Horse with no Name’ and ‘Ventura Highway’.

But when you said you were going to make America great again, you were referring to the country?

What country? America’s a continent for a start so that doesn’t make sense. And it’s a continent that includes Mexico. You think it’s my job to make Mexico – the country where rape is a Saturday afternoon sport – better again? Is that what you’re saying?

I suppose not.

I was very clear. And Now people will see that even before I’m president I’m making changes. We’ve bought the boys new guitars, I have top stylists changing their look. They can do a single with Rihanna and Kanye West, if he’s not busy looking after his compass family. America will be great again and it will all be to my credit, because as well as being a businessman of intense and articulate intelligence, I am also a rock Svengali.

Donald Trump is due to be president in 2017.

JULIETTE LEWIS REJOINS HUEY LEWIS AND THE NEWS

HOLLYWOOD – Actress and rock star Juliette Lewis has confirmed that she will be rejoining Huey Lewis and the News, despite having sworn never to work with Huey after a dispute over the writing credits for Hip to Be Square.

The Cape Fear actress said:

That’s all water under the bridge. I don’t want to drag all that up again. The short version is Huey said I wrote it and I said Huey wrote it. But let’s leave it at that. 

Although Juliette hasn’t performed with ‘the News’ for fifteen years, she has had her own solo project, Juliette and the Licks

I won’t be letting go of that. It’s been such a good experience for me. We did think of combining the groups but when we tried to combined the name we came up with Huey Lewis Licks Juliette’s News and so we decided to keep the two projects separate.

Huey Lewis said that he was delighted to have his writing companion and close collaborator back working with him. 

Juliette had a hand in writing all the hits [sotto voce] including Hip to Be Square. She is a force of nature. 

The group are expected to play a series of concerts throughout the festivals billed simply as Huey and Juliette Lewis and the News.  

THE GREAT GATSBY: ‘TOO DOPE FOR WORDS’

Baz Luhrmann’s new epic The Great Gatsby is due out later this year and we’ve got EXCLUSIVE access to the post-production-process, with Jay-Z, the resident composer who along with Huey Lewis (formerly of Huey Lewis and the News) is supervising the soundtrack.

‘We got Spiderman, man, not spidermanman but like Spiderman comma man, dig,’ say-Z Jay-Z. ‘It’s so off the hook, it’s Yah-Yah Biscuits.’
Huey nods vigorously, ‘It’s like when I did “Too Hip to Be Square”, everyone was like this is too much. It’s too Avanty Gurd.’
‘We got the chick from Shameless, An Education, Drive, Never Let Me Go and a million over films and there’s Spidey and the Titanic Gang from New York his good self, Leonardo Da Vinci Code Di Caprio,’ says Jay-Z high fiving me as we walk from the heli-pad. ‘And the Baz-Tard [as he prefers to be know] he’s Mouliny Rougeing the fuck out of this mutha fucker.’
‘Michael J. Fix was like the “Power of Love”, isn’t that too sexually explicit?’ Huey laughs. ‘And I said hell no. It’s all about jizz, but no one will get it.’
‘When we saw the visual-Z the Duhrman was dropping on us, I was like “Woah!” I literally shit my pants,’ Jay-Z snorts.
‘Metaphorically, I think you mean,’ says Huey.
‘No, I sprayed them, babeee!’
We all collapse about laughing our asses off at this beautiful intimacy. ‘So,’ I ask, ‘the idea is that even with the Hip Hop and the CGI and the frenetic editing it keeps true to the spirit of the book?’
Huey and Jay-Z look at each other in a silence that has fallen suddenly.
‘There’s a book?’ they say in unison.