STEVEN SPIELBERG TO MAKE HOOK PREQUEL

HOLLYWOOD – Movie industrialist, Steven Spielberg has announced he is making a prequel to Hook.

Spielberg will be making the Hook prequel right after shooting the fifth Indiana Jones film. The Studio Exec sat down to talk with the director.

Steven, can you tell us about your next project?

I’ve been looking at the numbers for Hook and it made a shit ton of money. Because of that, they gave the money to make my little independent film called ‘Jurassic Park’. Have you ever heard of it?

Umm, I believe so. That made over 1 billion dollars worldwide:

Did it?! My movies don’t normally make much money, so that’s really cool. Anyway, Hook has been the one film I’m still proud of, you know? I thought people don’t know enough about Neverland and wouldn’t it be great if we told the story before Hook. We will find out what happened to Wendy and the Lost Boys. It will be a massive hit. Because it’ll be unlike anything we’ve ever seen on screen before.

That sounds like Peter Pan by J M Barrie:

J M Who?

J M Barrie wrote the original book, Peter Pan and it was a big hit. That’s why you made Hook:

The fuck you talking about?

Your film was a sequel to Peter Pan:

Whatever you say, my friend. How about I make a sequel to Jaws? But this time, we’ll set it in a water park. We can make it in 3D, because of the tech we now have. Therefore, it’ll be called ‘Jaws 3-D’.

They already made that in the 80s:

Really? Ok. So how about this? An orphaned boy lives with his mean Uncle’s family. He sleeps under the stairs. So one day, he finds out that his Mum and Dad were actually Wizards and he learns how to become a Wizard. The title’s ‘Barry Totter Goes To Bobwart’s’.

Spielberg’s totally original Peter Pan starts shooting after he wraps on Indiana Jones 5.

STEVEN SPIELBERG’S SNAKE BITE ADVICE

 HOLLYWOOD – ‘Snakes! Why did it have to be snakes?’ says Indy in Raiders of the Lost Ark. And why indeed!? But sometimes, it is snakes and having some basic medical advice can be the difference between life and amputation or in extreme cases death.

Hi, I’m Steven Spielberg, director of AlwaysThe Color Purple and Munich, although you probably know me better from the Jurassic Park or Indiana Jones films, especially Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Today I want to give you some advice on what to do if you or your hiking companion is bit by a poisonous snake.
Now there are several deadly snakes in California so the number one priority here is speed. I didn’t get to make several Oscar winning films by being a slow coach, oh no. As soon as you have been bitten, or a member of your party has been bitten, you need to leap into action. My contribution to action cinema is not entirely irrelevant. Aside from the afore-mentioned Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and Indiana Jones and the Lost Crusade, I also made Tin Tin: the Secret of the Unicorn, which holds up even today. It could be argued that Jaws is in fact a rollicking action movie, but we’re not here to talk about shark bites. No, we’re here to talk about snake bites, which can be, as I said already, deadly. 

Time. Time is important. At the time, Hook and 1941 were treated quite harshly by the critics, but re-watching both those films recently, I think they hold up. Success, though, has a way of creating some quite venomous adversaries. And none more venomous perhaps, than snakes. 


So I hope this has been helpful.


For more advice by Steven Spielberg, CLICK HERE.

AN APPEAL FROM STEVEN SPIELBERG

HOLLYWOOD – Hi, my name is Steven Spielberg, director of such great films as Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Jaws, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Lincoln, War Horse, Sugarland Express, Schindler’s List, Jurassic Park, Catch Me If You Can, Saving Private Ryan, Amistad, Hook, 1941, The Color Purple, Empire of the Sun, Munich and Always.

You might also know me from my executive producer credits on ER, Falling Skies, the Transformers series and many other TV Shows and films. Oh, I also kind of directed Poltergeist, but shhhhh. 

But today I don’t want to talk to you as the director of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Tin Tin the Secret of the Unicorn and certainly not as the director of The Terminal … to tell you the truth I always try and forget that one. 

No. I’m here to talk to you as a normal human being. A simple man. Cast from your mind Jurassic Park: The Lost World and Duel. Not to mention the beguiling science fiction fairy tales A.I. and E.T. And let’s not get into my cameo role in The Blues Brothers, or those documentaries I made about the Second World War and President Obama. And what’s the point in dredging up the segment of The Twilight Zone movie and those episodes of Columbo I was involved with? I was a young man, a kid and no one knew me. It just isn’t relevant to the point I want to make and this very important issue which I would like to shine a light on today.

So PLEASE sign the petition and remember to give generously. Thank You.


Steven Spielberg

SPIELBERG MOVES INTO KUBRICK’S HOUSE

LONDON – After filming A.I. and then the announcement of the production of Stanley Kubrick’s Napoleon script as a mini-series, Steven Spielberg has now announced he’s moving into Stanley Kubrick‘s house in Hertfordshire, near St. Albans.

‘I’ll be dressing up in his clothes,’ said Hook director Steven Spielberg. ‘I’d grow a beard like his as well, but I’ve already got one.’

Childwickbury Manor was Kubrick’s home from the late seventies on, as well as the nerve centre for his film making. Stanley Kubrick’s widow – Christiane – said that it was nice to have a little bit of company, even if, at first, she had been a little put out by the Empire of the Sun director’s sudden uninvited intrusion.

He loved Stanley so I know it all comes from a good place, but he’s been digging in the garden and I’m not entirely sure why.

Mr. Spielberg’s declared intention to make Kubrick’s unfilmed Napoleonic epic into a mini-series was greeted by a massive heat wave in Australia, with devastating bush fires and droughts.