HOLLYWOOD – House of Cards final season has been confirmed, but they’ve had a script leak.
The final season of House of Cards is to go ahead, starring Robin Wright. The Studio Exec has received a leaked copy of the first episode.
INT. OVAL OFFICE. DAY.
Claire UNDERWOOD sits at the desk. Enter Doug STAMPER.
When is President Underwood due back from the totally normal trade talks he went to?
Any minute now. Actually that sounds like him now.
SOUND of Helicopter ROTOR BLADES overhead.
EXT. ROSE GARDEN. DAY.
Claire and Doug go outside as the President’s helicopter comes in to land. The helicopter suddenly EXPLODES.
Oh no. Francis’ helicopter just exploded, probably definitely killing him.
There won’t be anything left of him.
Not even a contractually obligatory Exec Producer credit.
They return into the Oval Office.
INT. OVAL OFFICE. DAY.
A young woman stands waiting for them.
Hello Madam President.
Who are you?
I’m Carrie Mathison from Homeland. I’m here to begin a cat and mouse intrigue with sleeper agent Doug Stamper.
Doug? I thought I was the sleeper agent.
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HOLLYWOOD – Espionage TV show Homeland starring Claire Danes is to just go on and on and on and on and never stop, Showtime announced today.
Whether you love it or hate it, Homeland is here to stay. The popular show, which everyone stopped watching around about season 2, stars Claire Danes as Carrie Mathison who has been a CIA operative and then a private security consultant and then something else for something else. After six seasons, Showtime announced that they won’t stop ever. A statement from the company was issued EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:
Originally based on an Israeli show ‘Prisoners of War’, Homeland has been a popular and critically acclaimed show. We are currently working on Season Six and Season Seven and we confidently assume that we’ll be doing a Season 8, 9 and 10. I mean you can just go on adding seasons basically.
Mandy Patinkin plays Saul Berenson.
Homeland Season 6 will be broadcast in 2017.
NEW YORK – Today Donald Trump announced that he was allowing Damian Lewis to play him in a new biopic of his life, provisionally entitled: Trump Towers.
News came shortly after Donald Trump announced he was running for the Presidency. He told reporters in the atrium of Trump Tower:
Damian Lewis is a very talented actor and I’m sure he’ll bring to the screen the intricate complexity of my character, whether it’s the nuances of me as a young asshole making a load of money and rising from the ranks of humble millionaires, to the reality TV show asshole telling idiots they’re fired. Or the new latest iteration of me the asshole candidate for President of the United States of America.
British actor Damian Lewis first made a name for himself in the HBO series Band of Brothers. His career has continued to make waves on US television with his portrayal of Marine Sgt. Nicholas Brody in Showtime’s Homeland, starring alongside Claire Danes and in Britain with the BBC show Wolf Hall in which he played Henry VIII.
He came into the Studio Exec bungalow to speak EXCLUSIVELY about the new role:
Of course, it will be a challenge. I think the key to Donald Trump has to be the hair and I know that Donald has a whole basement full of blind Peruvian children weaving it as we speak. Authenticity will be the key and they will make me the best and most convincing wig you’ll ever see.
What about reports that have named you as the new 007?
[With tears standing out in his eyes] I don’t think Donald would like that.
Trump Towers will be written and directed by Donald Trump himself. ‘I’ve already finished the screenplay, the first draft was perfection and so that’s the final draft as well,’ said Trump. ‘I know a lot of people are just waiting for me to fall on my big fat stupid looking face, but I can tell them now that is not going to happen. Damian is going to make me look great and everyone will worship me. It will be the first film that I will watch in the White House. You can mark my words.’
In a Homeland reunion it has also been revealed that Ivana Trump will be played by Claire Danes.
Trump Towers will be released in 2016.
HOLLYWOOD – Homeland is Showtime’s popular terrorist/espionage thriller starring Claire Danes, Damian Lewis and Mandy Patinkin, but what do we really know about it? Where does its allegiances lie? And does any of it make any sense?
We sent the undercover Studio Exec FACT squad into deep black ops cover to find 5 FACTS you never knew.
1. Homeland is a complete waste of time.
2. No honestly that last fact was the important one. The will he or won’t he, is she or isn’t she, is a complete waste of your time.
3. Time spent playing or watching golf, by comparison, is like you’re curing cancer.
4. I’ll admit the first season was mildly diverting if you fast forwarded through Brody’s family life, but seriously repeatedly watching this stuff and thinking you’ll get a different result is in the Fifth Edition of the Diagnostic Handbook as a definition of psychopathy.
5. It’s still better than the Walking Dead.
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HOLLYWOOD – With the second season of Homeland done and dusted, it can now be revealed that the grippingly ridiculous cops and terrorists thriller is actually based on a true story.
Vice-Presidential candidate Paul Ryan in a new book Homeland, Brody and Me reveals how he was indeed ‘captured while serving in the Army’s elite Delta force, was kept prisoner for several years in a hole, was broken, did have crazy great sex with a crazy CIA woman, did plan to bomb Congress, did chicken out, did get stabbed in the hand, did start working for the government and did try and kill Mitt Romney by fiddling with his pace maker via a computer (it turned out he didn’t have a pacemaker).’
All the facts are right, except I do NOT have ginger hair and none of my children are anyway near as annoying as that little brat who keeps interrupting the plot to weep and blub and shout about things nobody cares about. I mean, they even got her to be involved in a hit and run and it was still annoyingly uninteresting. I mean when someone in a TV show is involved in a car accident you can just tell the writers have run out of ideas.
Show runner, Howard Gordon – however – has denied that the show is based on true events:
We based the show on an Israeli thriller. Everyone knows that Paul Ryan is a mad fantasist. You only have to read his budget or listen to one of his tall stories about running marathons. Don’t get me wrong. I like the guy, but no. He is not Brody and he has never been to bed with Claire Danes.
Season 3 is already set to begin filming with a brilliant story about how Brody tries to destroy the country by slashing government spending.