Spot the difference

 HOLLYWOOD – Finally the speculation is over as Scarlett Johansson signs up to star in the Hillary Clinton bio-pic provisionally entitled Rodham.

Director James Ponsoldt stated:

We’re very pleased to have an actress of Scarlett’s calibre with us. Looking over her CV we can see she has everything it takes for her to tackle such a complex individual as the former First Lady and Democratic presidential candidate. She’ll need the tenacity and strength of the Black Widow, the droll humour of Ghost World and when it comes to Bill, she has the romantic comedy of He’s Just Not That Into You to fall back on.

Originally Reese Witherspoon was considered a favourite for the role but as an insider close to the production rather cruelly pointed out: ‘When even a state trooper doesn’t know who you are, then, well, no one knows who you are’.

Ms. Johansson has often professed her interest in politics and her admiration for Hillary Clinton in particular. ‘She’s the one with the hair, right?’ she said, once. The film will focus on her early life and the beginnings of her relationship with Bill, who will be played by James Franco. Franco said that in preparation for the role ‘I inhaled’.

Rodham is due to start filming later this year.


NEW YORK – A UN resolution signed by over forty seven countries including the United Kingdom, Germany, Russia and China has called for Jumper 2 to be made at the earliest opportunity.

The debate over the resolution and voting was pushed to the top of the agenda, ousting once more any opportunity of a meaningful response to Russia’s intervention in the Ukraine and the pressing need to address climate change, in favor of ensuring the 2008 Hayden Christensen has a follow up. The Polish representative to the UN Bugoslaw Winding told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

The first film directed by Doug Liman had such possibilities. It was such an intriguing premise, but I don’t know what happened in the production, but something obviously went wrong. The world is owed a genuinely good teleportation fantasy adventure and Stephen Gould has already written the second novel, so it isn’t as if there’s nowhere we can go.

China’s mission however was adamant that it was motivated entirely by a burning desire to see Hayden Christensen once more.

In China, in all the critics’ polls and all the popular top tens, Star Wars Episode Two: Attack of the Clones is not only ranked as the best Star Wars, but ranked as the best film ever. That thing he says about sand getting everywhere, that is poetry, because it is true, sand does get everywhere.

Hilary Clinton used Bill’s Facebook page to issue the following statement:

Although we welcome the opportunity to follow the adventures of David Rice and his teleporting friends further, the US strongly feels that our priorities should first be concentrated on what is happening in the Middle East with the rise of ISIS and if there is a film which needs a sequel it has to be We Bought a Zoo, surely!?

Hollywood insiders have said that formally the UN resolution holds no legal weight and the difficulty of retrieving Hayden Christensen from his five year mission to Mars would be a logistic nightmare, however, the publicity created by the resolution and the debate could well see the studio reassess the franchise.

Jumper 2 will be released in 2016.