KEVIN SORBO HAS FRIENDS CLAIMS KEVIN SORBO

‘Kevin Sorbo has friends’, according to a new statement released by the actor in the aftermath of his admitting he shouted ‘Bullshit’ in a Starbucks when asked to wear a mask. It is not known if he was asked to put on the mask due to Covid19 or to hide the fact that Sorbo was using their Starbucks. Sorbo, star of blockbusters such as Piranha Sharks, Bernie The Dolphin and Bernie The Dolphin 2 advised why he felt the need to explain that ‘Kevin Sorbo has friends’ in the following statement:

 

Kevin Sorbo Has Friends And Everything

 


I, Kevin Sorbo, wish to state that I was not acting alone when I screamed ‘Bullshit’ at being asked to wear a mask. I had been standing in the queue talking with my friends, who were totally there and everything. The staff kept pointing at me and giggling. It was humiliating, but I remained calm and reasonable.

 

I AM Hercules

 

When I gave my order of a small Soy Latte Decaf with extra Sweet’N’Low, after the guy stopped giggling behind his mask they asked for my name. I did my usual and said at the top of my voice, ‘I am TV’s Hercules, young man.’ I waited for the applause, but there wasn’t any.

 

Piece Of Shit

 

You know what this little piece of shit behind the counter said to me? He said, ‘You WERE TV’s Hercules, man. What’s your actual name, y’know, for your little latte?’ And then he turns around to all the other douchebags behind the counter and they’re all laughing with him.

 

Little Bastard

 


So my friend, who was still totally with me, um… urr… umm… DAVE! Yeah, his name is Dave, you don’t know him. Dave said to me, ‘Are you going to take that, man?’ I tell Dave to calm down. It’s an explosive situation that could go south at any time and we need to keep our cool. These god damned pinko liberal strong arm bullies think they have us. So you know what I do? I take my mask off. I start shouting, ‘USA, USA, USA, USA. Come on, everyone… .’ They’d never heard a white middle-aged man shout that before, I bet.

 

Put Your Mask On

 

So then the little prick asks me to put my mask back on because it’s ‘policy’. Well, I’d just about had enough, so I shout. And remember, I wasn’t on my own and I totally have many, many friends and their name is Dave. I shout, ‘This is BULLSHIT’. And me and Dave walk out of there high fiving each other, because he was totally there and because I totally have friends. How many friends do you have?


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BRETT RATNER TO DIRECT TWIN PEAKS

HOLLYWOOD – No sooner had David Lynch tweeted he would not be directing the Showtime revival of Twin Peaks than his replacement, Rush Hour 2 director Brett Ratner, was immediately announced by the proud network.

The planning for the new Twin Peaks show is already in place with the scripts finished and casting almost complete, but protracted negotiations over budgeting saw an unhappy David Lynch leave the process, tweeting his farewell. Initial reaction was overwhelmingly negative with fans expressing widespread dismay, but that turned to joy when news leaked that Brett Ratner – director of Tower Heist and Hercules – would be stepping in.

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec, Ratner stated:

I have always been a huge fan of Twin Peaks. I have an encyclopedic knowledge of the show. When I was a kid I would dream of the show and I’d write stories about my favorite characters, especially J.R. and Sue Ellen.

What do you think you will do differently from the original?

The important thing is to bring out a balance between respecting what made the original series great, mainly the adultery, and what modern audiences want to see now: Ben Stiller and Kung Fu based comedies with motor mouth black comedians. I’m committed to getting rid of the off-beat element of the show – I mean all that Bobby coming back in the shower bit for instance didn’t work for me – in order to get to the core emotions of the characters.

Will Agent Cooper still play a prominent role?

My agent’s name is Carl. Uhm and yeah.

What about the rumors that Miley Cyrus has been cast?

Come on. We want to leave some surprises intact.

Well at least we can be sure of some damned fine coffee.

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

For more Twin Peaks News CLICK HERE.

RENNY HARLIN STILL ALLOWED TO MAKE FILMS

HOLLYWOOD – The Legend of Hercules director Renny Harlin will still be allowed to make films, following a ruling by the US Supreme Court that quashed an attempt to halt the former Mr. Geena Davis’ film making career.

A note from the court by Chief Justice Roberts stated:

Although arguments of prior restraint have been strongly maintained against Mr. Harlin, his first amendment rights must take precedent even at the cost of producing such horrors as Deep Blue Sea and Die Hard 2. It is not the business of this nor any court to pass judgement on the pale watery plop that is Mr. Harlin’s IMDb page.  

The Anti-Harlin Lobby Group – led by John Pesnick – issued a statement professing disappointment at the ruling but promising that the ‘fight continues’. Pesnick told the Studio Exec:

No one respects free speech and artistic freedom as much as I, but there is a limit to every right. Crying fire in a theatre for instance. Or making The Exorcist: The Beginning and Mindhunters. It’s a no-brainer. 

Renny Harlin’s new film Fallen Cross will begin filming soon.