QUENTIN TARANTINO’S TOP FIVE HERBIE MOVIES

HOLLYWOOD – Quentin Tarantino is not only a screenwriter, director and actor, he’s also an inveterate list maker.

Following his now famous top ten lists and compilations, the Studio Exec is delighted to bring you Quentin Tarantino’s top 5 Herbie films, featuring the loveable VW bug.

1. Herbie Goes Bananas: “Although a late addition to the franchise – released in 1980 – Herbie Goes to Bananas for me stands above everything. The reason is simple. It’s political. A Marxist deconstruction of the US’s involvement in South America, as portrayed by John Vernon and Alex Rocco’s thieves. Liberalism’s inept attempts to co-opt the workers power into the state is shown in Captain Blythe’s (Harvey Corman) execution of Herbie. The agricultural workers as represented by Paco in an alliance with Herbie overthrow the combined powers of the repressive state apparatus and a new future feels assured.”

2. The Love Bug: “The first time the racing Beetle “Herbie” appears on the screen is the 1968 comedy The Love Bug. This is that most unusual of films, a counter-cultural children’s movie. The Beetle was actually a late addition to the film, with no particular make of car specified at the script stage. An audition was held with lots of other makes of car vying for the role, but it was the VW that got the part, some cynics contending because of its lax German morals. The film was remade in 1997 as a TV movie.”

3. Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo: “The third film in the series but the first to be directed by Vincent McEveety, HGMC is a cross country race film which later was remade as The Cannonball Run. Apparently Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo was Burt Reynolds’ favorite film of all time and he ordered the writers of his 1980 film to study the movie and use it as their bible.”

4. Herbie Rides Again: “Following the triumph of the Love Bug the idea of making a sequel seemed obvious. But these were sad days. Walt Disney had worked closely with English director Robert Stevenson on the original film, as his last live action movie. Stevenson returned to Herbie for the follow up but the production was so difficult because of Herbie’s increased drug intake that the director swore he’d never work with him again.”

5. Herbie: Fully Loaded: “Many believed that Herbie was far too old to make a comeback and the youth who made up such a large part of his audience had now moved on to bigger flashier stars. However, inspired by the resurgence of his friend Sylvester Stallone’s career, Herbie cleaned up, went into rehab and produced some of his best work. For the first time in his four decade career, Herbie was finally sober and producing some of his finest work. Unfortunately, co-star Lindsay Lohan and Herbie had a brief affair following the production and there began a torrid drug fuelled affair which continues to this day.”

For more FACTS click HERE.

LINDSAY LOHAN RETIRES

HOLLYWOOD – The Herbie Fully Loaded star, Lindsay Lohan has called it quits today. ‘I’m basically famous for being a f*ck up,’ she told Ellen DeGeneres. ‘And no sane person wants to continue to facilitate that story.’

The Canyons star said that she would no longer be appearing in reality shows, films or television chat shows:

This is my last public appearance. And my last public utterance. I won’t do interviews, appearances, fashion shoots. To paraphrase Richard Nixon, you’re not going to have Lindsay Lohan to kick around anymore.

The retirement – which takes effect immediately- seems to have taken the media completely by surprise and footage from the Ellen Degeneres Show was immediately excised and deleted. All reference to the retirement has been expunged from public record and mainstream media outlets such as Variety and Hollywood Reporter are refusing to cover the story. 

Rumors already abound that Ms. Lohan will be replaced by a replicant who will fulfill the public need for a young rich waster with a car crash of a life to gawp at and will never be satisfied, as the real Lyndsay Lohan is quietly moved to Canada. 

BREAKFAST WITH ASSHOLES: 6 LINDSAY LOHAN

MALIBU – Lyndsay Lohan comes to the door looking a wreck. Her hair is pulled back into a pony tail, her eyes are red and her skin is pallid. “Hey Chad! Come on in.”, she says, pecking me lightly on the cheek. “I think it’s time I admitted I’m an addict.”

In her breakfast nook the place looks like a bomb has hit it: a library bomb. There are books everywhere. “A book addict.”“This is in Russian.”, I say, leafing through a heavily notated edition of War and Peace.
“Mostly in Russian.” Lohan says, clearing a space for our food and pouring orange juice. “You’ll notice Tolstoy wrote many of the conversations in French, which his readership would understand and would be the way that Russian nobility would speak to one another.”
“Wow!”
“You need to read it in the original language – otherwise you miss all the nuances. Have you read it Chad?”
“Erm, no.”
“I know what you mean.” Lindsay passes me a plate of waffles with syrup. “The death of grand narratives in history means that the epic novels lack a substantial relevance, but they are still diverting when you need to refresh your mind with some light exercise.”
“So what do you read?”
“When I was doing Herbie Fully Loaded Michael Keaton got me to read some Wittgenstein and it was like discovering Narnia. Jane Fonda told me you can’t read Wittgenstein and not have read Hegel and Kant, so I went to my friend Charlie Sheen and he gave me a full reading list.”
After the waffles, there are pop tarts and raw eggs. “This might surprise some people who see your media image and think you know…”
“That I’m a fuck up? Yeah, I know. But that’s about the relationship between the symbolic and the real.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean the real is there, when you bite into a pop tart and it is too hot – you experience the real. But everything else about the pop tart, the advertising, the packaging, the cultural idea, even the word pop tart, that’s all in the realm of the symbolic. It enslaves, bewilder,s and baffles us. We must liberate ourselves from the symbolic and experience the real. Open ourselves to that.”
“So you’re not a wreck?”
“I want to challenge your definition of wreck.”
“Interesting.”, I say, sipping my orange juice.
I wake up and it’s Monday. I haven’t got my trousers and I’m in down town New York, the wind is blowing and apparently there’s a hurricane coming. I find a text on my phone from Lindsay: “Sorry, there was a bit of orange juice in your vodka.”

For all the Breakfasts CLICK HERE.

LINDSAY LOHAN TO PLAY SLAVOJ ZIZEK

CHICAGO – Lindsay Lohan is to be Slavoj Zizek in the new film Yes We Lacan to be directed by Ron Howard.

She joins Charlie Sheen who has been preparing for his role as Jacques Lacan by studying psychoanalysis in French. Howard was incredibly impressed by Sheen’s work rate and his dedication to the role.

‘I’d heard he was a complete dufus,’ said the one from Happy Days who isn’t the Fonz. ‘But there he was at the Sorbonne seven o’ clock every morning, and he was just talking in perfect French about the relationship between the real, the symbolic and the imaginary. And how these three orders effect our psychic … Hell, I’m giving away the plot.’

Lindsay Lohan has slipped into the role much easier, having been a good friend of Zizek for some years.

‘We’ve been friends for years and we talk a lot,’ said Lohan. ‘Sometimes when he has a big book due out he’ll send me over the gallies and I’ll read them and they will just thrash out the ideas and there he is writing it all down. In Defence of Lost Causes that was mostly me.’

You helped him write the book? 

‘Well, yeah,’ Lohan shakes her head laughing. ‘But it’s not all one way, he came to watch the dailies of Herbie Fully Loaded. In fact it was Slavoj who suggested the full title. Then he laughed that funny laugh of his.’


Yes We Lacan is due out on Christmas Day, 2013.