TOM CRUISE DENIED OVERCOMPENSATING

EXCLUSIVE – In a Studio Exec exclusive interview Tom Cruise denied overcompensating for ANYTHING. We sat down with the Mission Impossible star to talk about the next two movies in the series. It was then Tom Cruise denied overcompensating for anything with his extreme stunts.

Tom Tell Us About Your Next Mission Impossible Movie

You know I can’t tell you anything in any great detail. But what I can guarantee is there will be wild and crazy stunts that would make those Jackass, err Jackasses soil their athletic cups. We’re going bigger, faster and much longer than before.

What Do You Say To People Who Say Tom Cruise Is Overcompensating?

Overcompensating? For what? I’m the biggest movie star in the world. The BIGGEST! You hear me? I say, stick ‘em up, lemme at ‘em. I loved Scrappy-Doo. Anyone who talks shit about him deserves everything they got coming to ‘em.

But All The Rock Climbing, Abseiling, HALO Jumps and Motorbike Stunts, What Does That Say To Anyone?

It says I’m the dominant Thetan on this planet, baby. That Miscavige might think he’s the Daddy, but I’m the Daddy in this manor. Is your antennae receiving this message? I’m OT VIII. I got my certificate framed up on the wall and everything. It’s right next to my Wichita University Of Performing Arts Correspondence Course certificate.

Is It True MI: 7 & 8 Will Be Your Farewell To The Franchise?

Absolutely, it will be. Yes. I mean, it gets kind of ridiculous after a certain age, expecting me to throw myself from buildings and fight people the size of Henry Cavill.

Ha-ha-ha, Yes. It Did Look A Bit Funny When You Were Stood Next To Him.

I meant, it would look ridiculous when I’m in my 70s. But not now. What the f**k are you implying? Why would you say such a thing to me? Let me get my standing-on box, so I can look you in the eye while I tell why that was so rude.

Mission Impossible: 7 Is Due Out In 2023

PREDATOR TO REPLACE HENRY CAVILL AS SUPERMAN

PREDATOR TO REPLACE HENRY CAVILL AS SUPERMAN

The Man of Steel gets a new actor as Henry Cavill flies off and the Predator steps in.

Warner Bros have announced that the new Superman will be the Predator in a crossover that many fans are hailing as ‘inspired’, ‘genius’ and ‘dumb’. A spokesperson for the studio said:

“It’s amazing because it fits so neatly. They both come from space. They both have superpowers and then there’s the romantic interest which Predator hasn’t really had an opportunity to explore yet. Predator is a super action star but he never got the chance to truly explore his range. He can do comedy, easily. And what with the origami face, he’s so flexible.”

Predator himself told Hollywood Reporter:

“Well, obviously I’m thrilled. Finally, I get to really show people what I’ve got and it’s not just hunting humans and fighting xenomorphs. I’ve already done ‘v’ films so we also have that in common. I’m also writing a novel.”

Superman v Alien will be released in 2020.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

HENRY CAVILL AND ANGELA BASSETT TO STAR IN DISTRACTED BOYFRIEND

HOLLYWOOD – Henry Cavill and Angela Bassett are to star in a movie based on the meme Distracted Boyfriend.

Angela Bassett and Henry Cavill are to star in a movie based on the meme Distracted Boyfriend.

Henry Cavill said:

It’s a challenge because I really don’t have that much range as an actor but I’ll do my best.

Ridley Scott told the Studio Exec:

We’ve made movies based on Candy Crush and Emojis: why not memes?

Distracted Boyfriend will be released Thursday.

5 THINGS WRONG WITH THE JUSTICE LEAGUE

HOLLYWOOD – The Justice League hit theaters and was immediately hailed as a masterpiece of its genre.

The New York Times called it ‘The Casablanca of Superhero movies’ and Variety said ‘Eat your heart out Christopher Nolan.’

But – as rebellious as ever – The Studio Exec is not fully convinced.

So here are our five minor problems with Zach Snyder/ Joss Whedon’s new movie:

1. It’s shit.

2. Everyone looks tired and depressed. First, Ben Affleck looks like they CGIed Ryan Reynolds head onto Dave Bautista’s body. Second, Amy Adams looks like she’s performing under duress. As if someone is just off camera with a cattle prod, blocking the exit. She looks so bored and they used a crayon to color in her hair. Then Diane Lane is too obviously happy just to get work. Finally, Gal Gadot looks confused that she can be in such a bad film after having been in such a good one. Weirdly, Henry Cavill shines.

3. The film is as visually interesting as an infomercial. As much as I hated Batman V Superman and Man of Steel, those films had a certain visual pomposity that was compelling. Here, not only is the CGI like mid-90s Star Trek, but every shot, hero entrance, etc etc looks like a rush job for a poorly funded advertising agency. Take the iconic moment towards the end where Clark Kent becomes Superman. It looked like a TV advert featuring Superman. Nothing momentous happens.

In rushing to be the Avengers, they threw out the epic with the dourness.

4. Which leads us to: the humor wasn’t funny. It’s like sitting at a wedding reception with that guy who is really funny and then someone else tries to go toe to toe with them, but they don’t have the material. Unfunny humor isn’t just not funny, it is deeply depressing. They label every joke ‘JOKE’. The Flash (Ezra Miller) is annoying. Really annoying. It is like they took Zach Snyder’s sense of humor and mixed it with Joss Whedon’s visual flair. And that line is funnier than anything in the movie.

5. The Avengers. Anything DC does feels like catch up. And that’s a pity. Aquaman sounds like Thor, Superman like Captain America, Batman like Tony Stark, Flash like Peter Parker. The getting the team together to beat a CGI thing with the blue light from the sky and the cubes… whatever. Do we really want anymore universes? What was a neat idea ten years ago is beginning to look lazy bloated franchise think. Isn’t it time to finally give up?

 For more FACTS click here.

37 THINGS WRONG WITH BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE

HOLLYWOOD – Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice has earned record breaking box office but has had something of a critical mauling.

So what went wrong with The Man of Steel and Batman sequels and The Justice League prequel, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. We lit up the skies above Gotham and Metropolis with our very own FACT signal and the Squad leaped into action. Caution: there are SPOILERS ahead:

1 The plot is terrible. A lot of venom is expended on Zack Snyder but who wrote this crap? David S. Goyer was involved in the Nolan Batmans and they were Shakespeare compared to this. Chris Terrio, I presume as the writer of Argo, is Affleck’s polisher. So who is responsible? And did they actually re-read the script once they wrote it, because it just looks like there are so many first draft problems in here.

2. The action is mostly terrible. Mostly. There are some good bits – the Batman fight in the warehouse is pretty good – but another big fight in another semi-destroyed city. And none of the Superman superhero bits look super-heroic.

3. Everybody does everything for no apparent reason. No motivation is apparent for anyone. No one actually behaves in a way that makes any consistent sense. Again Shakespeare this ain’t, so I’m not looking for layers of psychological interiority but the Road Runner cartoons have more character logic than this film.

4. Everything is in close up. I get it that this is from a comic book and some of the shots slavishly reproduce panels from sources such as The Dark Knight Returns, but this is cinema and just as a Jane Austen adaptation shouldn’t just reproduce reams of chuntering dialogue, so a comic book movie has to work out a way of producing a cinematic version of the story that makes visual sense.

5. We see Batman’s parents getting shot again. One of these days we might have a Batman movie that doesn’t go into the dark origin story, but at the moment every story is an origin story.

6. We see young master Wayne meeting the bats again and being able to fly. We saw this done so much better in Batman Begins and the film doesn’t seem to know whether it wants to carry on from the Nolan films – the destroyed house looks similar – or be different.

7. People walk in slow motion when sad. And leaves fall from trees at funerals – as though the very trees did weep!

8. 9/11 parallels are now officially the worst thing to come out of 9/11 after the invasion of Iraq but before the invasion of Afghanistan. The ineptness of story is much more forgivable if it isn’t loaded with portentous incoherent political subtext.

9. Superman still hasn’t learned to slow down when he lands.

10. Superman has no problem killing people anymore. Lois Lane is now the facilitator who gives him an excuse to off people. And he even gives her a bit of a wink as if they both get off on it.

11. Lois Lane – ace reporter – begins an interview with an African war lord with the probing question: ‘Are you a terrorist?’ This is a quote from The Insider when Christopher Plumber playing Mike Wallace asks the same question, but there it said something about character and it was a television interview. Here it is simply reckless and tactically stupid.

12. Jimmy works for the CIA! WTF?

13. Clark Kent has no charisma, no dopey charm, and acts exactly like Superman as if the costume was the only difference. Cavill should be playing two distinct characters but he barely manages one. Frankly both Superman and Clark Kent are played as Henry Cavill wearing different clothes.

14. Congressional hearings are held about Superman intervening in Africa, but not about his destruction of an entire city in the previous film.

15. Superman looks embarrassed when he turns up at congressional hearings wearing his Superman costume, as if this was a party and he thought it was fancy dress but it wasn’t.

16. Superman doesn’t actually get to say anything at the hearing. You’ve set up a confrontation. Sure the bomb is going to go off, but why not have a bit of to and fro before hand. Some talking, some justifications, some arguments, instead of another CGI explosion, because, Lord knows, that’s what this movie lacks?

17. Why Lex Luthor blows up the hearing is a total mystery. If it was to frame Superman, it doesn’t work. He offs his assistants as well, for no particular reason.

18. Not even Lex Luthor knows why Lex Luthor is doing what Lex Luthor is doing. And there’s no explanation for how Lex Luthor created Facebook. Jesse Eisenberg doesn’t know what Lex Luthor is doing. Or what Jesse Eisenberg is doing.

21. Neither does Zack Snyder.

22. Alfred (Jeremy Irons) doesn’t do much and is sucking a toffee all the way through his performance.

23. Batman is fine with killing people, torturing people, branding people and doesn’t once say ‘To the Batmobile’. And Batman gets into shape by hitting tractor tires with a large hammer.

24. There are dream sequences that are so long that people in them go to sleep and have dream sequences in the dream sequences.

25. Despite being called ‘Superman’, Henry Cavill plays the hero as a teenager with self-esteem issues and who hasn’t had a shit for five days.

26. Gotham and Metropolis are so close they are actually boroughs of each other.

27. No one understands technology. We can clone phones remotely, but we need to physically plug in a thumb drive to get the goods on Lex Luthor.

28. When Lex Luthor introduces Clark Kent to Bruce Wayne, why is he so excited about it? Clark Kent writes for page twenty three of the Daily Planet. He’s a nobody surely.

29. Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) is great, but she is basically in the film to advertise her own film and the films of The Flash, Acquaman et al.

30. Laurence Fishburne doesn’t deserve this.

31. The sinister Asian female assistant is becoming a bit too much of a thing.

32. Superman dies twice. With zero emotional effect.

33. Doomsday is Troll from Moria. Big CGI monsters are so boring. Why does Lex Luther create him? What was the plan? Was that his plan all along?

34. Lois Lane throws away a kryptonite spear, then goes back to get it and then almost drowns. Needs rescuing. Then Superman almost dies getting the spear.

35. Batman, who knows that the spear can kill Superman, at no point offers to help out with the spear, preferring to see Superman almost die.

36. No one has ever stopped a fight to the death because their mothers share the same name. Not ever.

37. By the way, Adolf Hitler’s mother was called Martha.

This list has finished more because of exhaustion than through any sense of completeness. If you want to add to it please use the comment box.

 

 

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT HENRY CAVILL

HOLLYWOOD – He is Superman in Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice but what do we really know about British born actor Henry Cavill?

We sent the Studio Exec FACT Squad into Metropolis to discover 5 FACTS about Henry Cavill, the man of steel. Here they are:

  1. Henry Cavill was born on a planet that was about to be destroyed by its own volcanoes. He was placed in a space ship by Maximus.
  2. As well as being The Man From Uncle in Guy Ritchie’s remake, Henry Cavill is actually an uncle, after his brother or sister had a child.
  3. Henry Cavill was originally in contention to play Edward in Twilight, 007 in Casino Royale and Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games. He lost the roles for different reasons. He was too old for Twilight; too young for Casino Royale; and too male for The Hunger Games.
  4. Although Henry Cavill killed Michael Shannon at the end of Man of Steel (SPOILER ALERT), he was never arrested because it was all pretend.
  5. While filming Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Zack Snyder encouraged the two leads to have an adversarial relationship by telling them they were both shit.

For more FACTS click HERE.

HENRY CAVILL: ‘I HATE ACTING BUT EAT MONEY’

HOLLYWOOD – The star of the forthcoming Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice Henry Cavill has revealed his motivation: money.

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, Henry Cavill – Superman in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice – revealed his motivation and thoughts on acting:

I hate acting. It’s basically lying. Like when I’m Superman, I’m not really Superman. It’s all a big fib. On the other hand money’s fantastic and that’s something which I deem — and this is frowned upon — very important. Spending money on my friends, buying dinner for everyone, drinks for everyone, it’s a nice place to be, and I like people to feel cared for. People will be calling me a c**k as they’re reading this, but travel’s great as long as you’re going first class. I mean, traveling to New Zealand in economy, it sucks. Especially if you’re over six feet. But first class? I’m not going to ever pretend to be coy about that. I love it.

But what about art, Henry?

Art? I work for Zach Snyder. What the f*ck do I care about art for? So back to money. You can by cars, hamsters, Belgian chocolates, gilt edged photograph frames, lockets, wine gums, small dogs, toy soldiers, books, necklaces and asparagus.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice will be released in 2016.

5 FACTS WE LEARNED FROM THE BATMAN V SUPERMAN TRAILER

HOLLYWOOD – The new Batman V Superman trailer just broke on the internet and we sent our Studio Exec FACT squad into the Batcave and the Fortress of Solitude to find out more.

This is what they learned:

One. Bruce Wayne is in the film.

Two.  He might be Batman.

Three. Clarke Kent is in the film.

Four. He might be Superman.

FIVE. Lex Luthor writes mediocre short stories for the New Yorker.

For more FACTS click here.

ALL FEMALE WONDER WOMAN CAUSES FURY

HOLLYWOOD – The release of further pictures from the upcoming Batman Vs Superman: Dawn of Justice confirmed that Wonder Woman will be played by a female actor: Gal Godot.

In photos released by Entertainment Weekly, the gender of the lead characters can be clearly seen, with Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg) as a hippy, Superman (Henry Cavill) as a Christ like figure, Batman (Ben Affleck) looking like fatman, and Wonder Woman WEARING A DRESS.

The news came as a stunning revelation, following in the wake of the atrocities of GamerGate, the Vietnam of Reddit Revolt and some other third thing.

Top internet manist Herbert Frank had this to say:

First we have the all female Ghostbusters – which is just like raping my childhood – yes ‘raping’ it – and then we have the news that even Thor might be played by a ‘girl’. Then BANG! in the new Dawn of Justice picture Wonder Woman is actually being played by a woman, and to make matters worse a woman whose first name is Gal. As if she was just rubbing it into my man tears.

Zack Snyder responded to the controversy with unwarranted insouciance:

What? Is this a joke? I mean, it’s in the name. Wonder. Woman.

Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice will be released in 2016.

SUPERMAN REBOOT PLANNED

HOLLYWOOD – This just in – Superman will be the latest franchise to get the reboot treatment

Mere days after Man of Steel broke box office records worldwide, Warner Bros. has decided to reboot Superman again. The entire cast of Man of Steel is due to be replaced and the writers are going back to the drawing board.

A spokesperson said:

 We almost got it right, but as you can see from the mixed reaction the film has received from audiences and critics alike, we still have some work to do. But Man of Steel has definitely reignited interest in Superman again, that much is clear, so we want to strike while the iron is hot. Seven years between Superman Returns and Man of Steel was simply too long and we don’t want to make that same mistake again.

Christopher Nolan and writer David S. Goyer will once again be on board as producer and writer although director Zack Snyder will not be returning to the franchise. It is unclear at this point who will be helming the reboot but the names Michael Bay, McG and Tim Burton (who were all attached to Superman projects at one stage or another) have been mentioned as possibilities. Even Christopher Nolan hasn’t ruled himself out yet.

What we DO know at this point is that the film will be another origin story and will feature Lex Luthor as the main villain, but we shouldn’t rule out another appearance from General Zod either.

The spokesperson continued:

Origin stories are big business, just as Man of Steel, The Amazing Spider-Man, Batman Begins and Iron Man proved. We know they work so why bother trying to come up with a fresh idea for a sequel when you can just hit the reset button and do another origin story instead? It’s also a great way of keeping overheads down as we can cast an unknown in the title role who won’t be looking for an exorbitant fee! Just look at the trouble Marvel and Disney are having with Robert Downey Jr.

The news came as a huge shock to actor Henry Cavill, who is currently in the Far East, still on promotional duties for Man of Steel. It is far too early to say who will be playing the coveted title role but rumour has it that Brandon Routh may be in with another shot.

“It will save us a lot of money on casting and he needs the work,” the spokesperson said.

The Superman reboot will be out as soon as humanly possible.

THE STUDIO EXEC’S 2013 FILM PREVIEW















Films, Films, Films.
Some are long, some are short and some are in-between.
Lots of films were released last year and lots of films will be released this year.
Some will be good, some will be bad and some will be in-between.

Here’s a preview: 

1. To The Wonder

Everyone who has seen it hates it and by all accounts Malick has finally disappeared up his own ass and can’t find the light switch. Every film critic will put it on their 2013 must see list rather than Iron Man 3 because they lay in bed at night clutching their teddy bears and having wet dreams about writing a column in Variety.

2.  The Double

When I say The Double I really mean Thor 2: The Dark World but I’m frightened to come out to my parents in case they say they don’t love me any more.

3.  Sin City 2: A Dame to Kill for.

Not content with making a trunk load of crappy movies over the past decade, Robert Rodriguez has decided the sequel to his greatest work will be in 3D. I don’t even care if it’s good I’m still going to throw used nappies at the screen in protest. During Machete I threw babies.

4. Star Trek into Darkness

I don’t like J.J. Abrams face. He looks like a pale Henry Kissinger and it unnerves me. Still you can’t beat a bit of Star Trek and hopefully this time Luke Skywalker manages to sleep with his sister and defeat the villainous Ming the Merciless.

5. The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

Films about magicians are always good and Jim Carey’s in it. I like Jim but he’s spent the last 5 years suckling on Jenny McCarthy’s breasts and pissing around with Penguins. Thankfully they split and Jim’s back on the lithium.

6. Mad Max: Fury Road

I had a drink with Mel the other day and he expressed regret that he never took up George Miller’s offer and reprised the role of Max. He was drunk though in fact I think that was the night he drove his car into the Wailing Wall with a boot full of dynamite.

7.  After Earth

I always look forward to an M. Night Shyamalan movie and of course when I say look forward I actually mean I’d rather flour and crumb my genitals and dunk them in a deep fat fryer than sit through another one of his cinematic crimes. This one has Will Smith in it. You know that wacky Fresh Prince guy who used to have a personality until Tom Cruise ate his soul during a Scientology induction ceremony.

8. The Hobbit 2: Back in the Hobbit

Peter Jackson said he will double the frames per second to 96 allowing the audience to see through time and space and into a parallel universe where Steven Spielberg is black, people go to work on roller coasters and coffee tastes like tea.

9. Man of Steel

I always get Henry Cavill confused with Jim Caviezel. I know they don’t look the same but my mind is unable to comprehend that they exist as two separate entities. At least I assume they do as I’ve never seen them together and come to think of it. I haven’t seen Caviezel since he did that Jesus film so maybe there is truth in the rumour that Mel Gibson actually crucified him and he came back as Henry Cavill.

10.  Some Art House film nobody has heard of.

Choosing something obscure in your top ten list will impress your peers and give everyone the impression that you’re classy and refined. On the other hand you can just cheat and say you’re looking forward to Denis Dugàn’s  Les grandes personnes deux.


TOP 10 FACTS: ‘MAN OF STEEL’

HOLLYWOOD – What are the facts about Man of Steel? Nobody knows.

So here they are. The Facts. About Man of Steel.

  1.  Executive Producer Jon Peter’s is the former hairdresser of Barbara Streisand and the inventor of the mullet.
  1. Henry Cavill spent a year on the Planet Krypton in order to prepare for the role of Superman/Clark Kent. During his stay he learnt basic Kryptonese which enabled him to order in restaurants and ask for directions to the train station.
  1. Michael Shannon will play the villainous General Zod, a role formerly played by British actor Terence Stamp. Coincidently both Shannon and Stamp are very fond of Pea and Ham soup.
     
  2. Adam Sandler, David Spade, Rob Schneider and Kevin James were all considered for the role of Superman in a parallel universe.
     
  3. Damon Lindelof was originally hired to write the script. In his version Superman is a god who was impregnated by a squid which eventually resulted in the creation of human beings. Warner Brothers CEO Barry Meyer rejected the treatment on the grounds of it being “Bullshit”
     
  4. Russell Crowe will play the part of Superman’s father Jor-El, a role formerly played by Marlon Brando. Director Zack Snyder wanted Brando to reprise the role but Marlon never returned his calls.
     
  5. Cavill was so immersed in his character he spent hours staring at frozen microwave meals in Supermarkets trying to cook them with his heat vision.
     
  6. Zack Snyder agreed to have Christopher Nolan enter his mind and erase all memory of Sucker Punch before he was hired to direct.
     
  7. Rumour had it that Batman would make a cameo appearance after Christian Bale was spotted in costume on set but according to Snyder, Bale was simply asking the crew if they had any information about the whereabouts of The Riddler.
     
  8. Brandon Routh was also seen on set which gave rise to speculation he was going to play Superman’s evil twin. Turns out he was just delivering Pizza. 
     
    For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE!