HOLLYWOOD- Famous film director and hat model, Steven Soderbergh shocked the film world with the announcement that his biopic of legendary pianist and entertainer Liberace, entitled Behind the Candelabra, will show that the performer and heterosexual icon was in fact gay!
Michael Douglas – who plays Wladziu Valentino Liberace – expressed surprise at the director’s announcement: ‘I played him straight. Liberace won court cases against people implying he was gay. I suppose Steven has a right to his own interpretation.’
Matt Damon – who plays Liberace’s gay lover – was less surprised: ‘Everyone knows he’s gay right? I’m surprised it’s even been brought up as an issue.’
Soderbergh’s film will be shown on HBO as all the major studios turned it down because – according to the director – ‘It was too gay.’
MIAMI – Christian Bale is once more a free man as he paid a $10,000 bail and had to put up with a number of strained puns from presiding judge, Justice R. Peters. However, the Rescue Dawn superstar is not completely out of the woods as more accusations were made today.
Morgan Freeman – Bale’s co-star in the Dark Knight Trilogy – also accused the British born actor of having borrowed several box sets including the entire West Wing and the first two Six Feet Under seasons.
‘He also has my last season of Lost,’ said the Shawshanker (as Mr. Morgan prefers to be known). ‘But he can keep that.’
Mr. Bale’s trial is set to go ahead early next year and if found guilty, he could face the controversial ‘limb-utation’, which has only recently been assigned as a punishment to DVD Box Set Borrowing infringements.
NEW YORK – A group of medical doctors and scientists along with team of consultants, matched with the august professional associations linked to many Ivy League research departments mixed with experts in their various fields have jointly published a report that proves a direct link between the watching of HBO and a tendency to deliver exposition while having anal sex or having anal done unto one.
Dr Harlybard commented on the report this morning:
The findings are highly significant. They prove a direct link between the viewing of the shows, Boardwalk Empire and Game of Thrones and a tendency to give detailed plot information while taking a lover from behind or indeed being yourself taken from behind.
HBO spokesman Griffiths Humperton held up his hands laughing and said, ‘It’s what we do.’
The only real controversy that remains is whether or not the shows encourage anal sex or simply using the ‘doggy position’.