TOKYO – Hayao Miyazaki responded angrily last night to rumors that his last film, the Oscar nominated The Wind Rises, was ‘all about farting’.

The 83 year old maestro of Japanese animation said:

This is a disgrace. This is a serious film, a summation of my life’s work and a testament to the powers of the imagination and yet this so called website The Studio Exec is making cheap bottom woof jokes at its expense. It is utterly unforgivable. 

The Studio Exec published the news in an article simultaneously with this article that you’re currently reading. The world of Hollywood was enraged by the suggestion and Ben Affleck rushed to the defence of the film maker.  

‘Miyazaki is a master at what he does,’ said Batman. ‘By all means take shots at me. I’m a bit of a hack. But Miyazaki is an artist deserving of respect.’

The Studio Exec was unavailable for comment.


TOKYO – Beloved Japanese animator Hayao Miyazaki announced today that he has sold the rights of all his films to the Disney Company.

Miyazaki – whose latest film The Wind Rises has been nominated for a best animation Oscar – said today that he believed that Disney would be the perfect company to retell his stories for Western audiences.

The Maestro of Studio Ghibli told Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY: 

My films are works of supreme imagination. They are flights of fancy with characters who I hold close to my heart and treasure as dear to me as my oldest friends. But – on the other hand – Disney have lots of money and they’re willing to give quite a bit of a it to me. It’s a no-brainer.

The news was met with dismay by Peter Berklidge, an adult man who actually cares about what normal people call ‘cartoons’.

The universe of Miyazaki and that of Walt Disney are utterly different. They’re like Country and Western and Gangsta Rap. They should not be mixed. We’re talking about a major upset in the very fabric of reality.  

However, a spokesperson for Disney said:

I find it outrageous that anyone can find this move anything other than wonderful. It’s like you haven’t even watched Saving Mr Banks! Did you learn nothing from Tom Hanks?

 We asked whether there would be any significant changes? 

Not at all. No I don’t think so. The first film is going to be based on My Neighbor Totoro and Elton John is doing the music, Phil Collins is singing. Jack Black will do the voices. The weird Shinto stuff is all going. We’ll just put a loosely veiled Christian symbolism in there. And we might use some material from elsewhere to tie it in and puff the story a bit which is a bit weak. But no. It’ll will honor the Miyazaki spirit. 

Totoro and Stitch will be released in 2015.