DISNEY ANNOUNCE SEVEN DWARFS TO GET SEVEN STAND ALONE MOVIES

HOLLYWOOD – Disney have announced that the Seven Dwarfs from Snow White are to each receive a stand alone live action movie.

Doc, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Bashful, Sneezy and Dopey are to each receive a stand alone spin off movie, produced by the Disney Studios. The Studio Exec spoke with Peter Dinklage who is to star in all of the movies.

So you happy with this Pete?

On the one hand yes. The timing couldn’t be better. Filming is due to start on the first later this year. Game of Thrones is winding down. And Pete’s gotta eat! But…

Reservations?

Well, when they first talked to me about it I did have a bit of a worry that I was going to be typecast, as basically, you know a dwarf.

I see. 

But I spoke with my good friend Michael Caine.

I didn’t know you knew Michael Caine.

Oh we’ve been friends since The Station Agent.

Right.

And he said I should go back to the original and watch it again. He said that I should look for the core of each character and so that’s what I did. I went back and looked for the core of the character.

And…?

Well, I found that one of them was kind of angry all the time. Always in a bad mood.

Grumpy.

Exactly. So I thought, okay I have his core. Michael comes from the Stanislavksi school, so that’s why he was giving me this advice and so am I. The next one seemed always to be tired, fatigued, in need of bed…

Sleepy?

Yeah, exactly. So I had his core and so on and so forth. One was intelligent so I thought to myself what if he were a PhD?

Doc!

Wow! Exec, you’re reading my mind.

But those are just the names of the Seven Dwarfs, Peter.

Get outta town.

For reals. 

That Caine’s a piece of shit.

Peter Dinklage will next be seen in Dopey.

 

MILEY CYRUS HIT BY WRECKING BALL

HOLLYWOOD – Tragic news coming in that Miley Cyrus – actress, pop star, tongue activist – has been hit and killed by a wrecking ball in an incident police are calling ‘both funny and sad’.

The singer was walking with her entourage close by a construction site in West Hollywood when the a chain broke on the operating machinery and the wrecking ball swung out of control, hitting the former Hannah Montana and carrying her aloft and leaving her ‘in a blazing fall’. Cyrus was taken directly to Cedars Sinai where doctors worked desperately.

A spokesperson for the hospital told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

The injuries sustained were massive and death was inevitable. Let this be a lesson to young people everywhere. It is one thing to be hit like a wrecking ball and a totally different thing to be hit by a wrecking ball. The latter will truly wreck you.

Police have dismissed the notion that the wrecking ball incident was intentional:

This was a mechanical failure pure and simple. The operator is in a state of extreme distress. He has very little memory of the incident, saying he just closed his eyes and swung. He didn’t mean to start a war. The rest of it is just the song, he was just singing. I think he was in shock.

Pharrell Williams, who was walking with the singer just inches away at the moment of the incident said that he was ‘not happy’. It is understood he is in the studio working on a tribute song to Cyrus based on her hit ‘Wrecking Ball’ but with some lyrical adjustment.

Pharrell Williams’ latest single Unhappy will be released later today.