HANS ZIMMER GIVES UP COMPOSING TO PURSUE ACTING CAREER

Popular film composer Hans Zimmer announced his retirement from music to concentrate on a new acting career. 

Hans Zimmer has composed the music for Pirates of the Caribbean, Gladiator and The Dark Knight. A go-to composer for directors as diverse as Christopher Nolan, Ridley Scott and  Terrence Malick, Zimmer has had a massive impact on film scores comparable to John Williams and Bernard Hermann. 

But now it’s all over. The German composer announced today that he is retiring from composing. Why? He wants to begin a new career in movies: acting. 

hans zimmer

“I want to act,” Hans told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY. “I’m sick of sitting at the back in the dark and playing my oomphing music with the chords and the electric guitars and all that. I want to hang with di Caprio and Scarlett Johansson. Not bloody stupid flautists.”

But what experience do you have in acting?

“I’m acting interested in these questions.”

Not particularly well. 

“Listen, I’m a bloody good actor. I remember watching Man of Steel and acting like I was enjoying it. That is not easy. Now I want to be an onscreen actor and I want to talk to the pretty ladies and have my photograph taken by the Vanity Fair.”

What’s your first project?

“I am going to be the new Spider-Man. Hans Zimmer, web slinger. Catchy no?. In Dm, modulating through to Am and then as the cellos come in thrum thrum thrum! And so on and so forth.”

Spider-Man: Minor Chord will be released in 2020.

CHRISTOPHER NOLAN: THE FUTURE OF CINEMA

HOLLYWOOD – Dunkirk director Christopher Nolan discusses the future of cinema.

Hi everyone. Urm, yeah, Christopher Nolan here; director of the Dark Knight Trilogy, Inception and … oh, Memento. Yeah. That’s right. Have I got your attention? Yeah, um, I thought so.

Reports of the death of cinema, to paraphrase Mark Twain, have been greatly exaggerated. Mobile phones, illegal downloads, people eating nachos with dips, 3D glasses and Michael Bay have all certainly had their deleterious effect but with the right innovations cinema is going to be alive and well and better than ever far into the future. How do you ask? Well, I made The Prestige, and here are three magic suggestions. 

1. More comic books movies. I visited my local multiplex the other day and was shocked to see that two of the seventeen screens were occupied by films not based on comic book characters. One was showing Chef and the other was showing some tripe about a boy growing up with awful CGI ageing, no doubt. Comic book movies are great because you don’t really need a script, or acting, or anything and then Hans Zimmer lends you his epic thumping score and away you go. Make it a little bit somber, darken the palette, put in Mikey Caine and the critics will lap it up. So more of these. I’ll exec them for a premium fee.

2. Free gimmicks with your ticket. You buy a cinema ticket today and what do you get? Just a bit of card with the name of the film and which screen it’s on, maybe a seat number. Rubbish. You should get a gimmick like a Frisbee, or a rattle, something to occupy the hands during slow parts of the film. Imagine watching Le Weekend – a bit dull I know – and then a game of Ultimate Frisbee breaks out! Amazing.

3. Balloon net. This is the topper and I don’t think this has been done before. Rig a large net over every auditorium and when the film comes to its climax, release thousands of balloons from the net, along with party streamers and confetti bombs! Can you imagine watching Mamma Mia for instance or 12 Years a Slave and as the final shot comes on streamers and balloons float from the ceiling? It would be AMAZING!

Christopher Nolan’s Interstellar 2 will be released in November.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT CHRISOPHER NOLAN’S DUNKIRK

LONDON – The Inception and Dark Knight trilogy director Christopher Nolan’s new film Dunkirk has begun filming but what do we actually know about the Second World War epic?

We sent the Studio Exec FACT Squad to the beaches of Northern France and then had to rescue them in a fleet of small fishing vessels.

1. Dunkirk will be Christopher Nolan’s first period film – except for The Prestige – and his first film to have a one word title – except for Inception and Interstellar and Insomnia and Memento – Okay it’s the fifth film to have a one word title, but it doesn’t begin with ‘In’, so that’s something. 

2. The cast of Dunkirk features a slew of Christopher Nolan regulars such as Cillian Murphy and Tom Hardy. The most eye-catching casting decision comes in the form of One Direction singer Harry Styles who will also perform a number of anachronistic pop songs, including a cover of Britney Spears’ Hit Me Baby (One More Time), which according to the shooting script is played over an aerial bombardment of London.

3. The historical events which serve as the inspiration for the film involved an operation to rescue the retreating remnants of the British Expeditionary Force. Nolan has gone on record as saying he is aiming for maximum authenticity and ‘except for the Batman cameo, that’s exactly what you’ll see.’

4. Christopher Nolan continues his commitment to film as opposed to digital and will shoot the film in 70mm making it the smallest film ever made.

5. Music for the film will once more be provided by Hans Zimmer who has already started preparing the score. He told the Exec: ‘We want a period feel but we also want to attract a younger audience to the movie, especially with Harry Styles involved, so we’re going to have this old Vera Lynne, Glenn Miller orchestra playing popular songs by One Direction, Rihanna and Justin Timberlake.

For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE! 

INTERSTELLAR: REVIEW

INTERSTELLAR – Rust Cole goes to Space!

The future is always the past and the past the future. Christopher Nolan portrays society’s collapse as something akin to the dust bowl days of the great depression. The schools are filled with the ignorant and the Tea Party have effectively won. Sure we still pay our taxes but the government has such has ceased to exist. Matthew McConaughey’s pilot turned farmer should have been a World War 2 fighting ace or a test pilot from the sixties, but now he’s been forced into rustic hell with nary a Kate Hudson in sight for light relief.

When he happens upon a program to seek out alternative accommodation for the human race, he becomes the ideal leader to take on the hero role. And off he goes! Well, not quite. Even if the mission is successful he knows he might be decades before he returns and his family, especially his young daughter Murphy does not want him to go, refusing to even bid him goodbye. Nolan is often criticized as a cerebral filmmaker, icy to the touch, but these scenes are heartfelt and effective and add an emotional layer to the space adventure.

And the outer space stuff is fantastic. The practical effects look wonderful and Nolan’s sense of scale is astonishing. This is can do sci-fi adventure where scientist and engineer heroes mull over fuel efficiency and say things like ‘well theoretically…’ but there’s also the drama in the details. Time is the enemy here as relativity begins to take a serious toll. It has the techno moxy of Arthur C. Clarke with the weird bendy stuff of Philip K. Dick.

Ann Hathaway, Casey Affleck and Jessica Chastain joined by Nolan’s dad Michael Caine make up a suitably stellar cast and Hans Zimmer goes all Koyanisqaatsi on perhaps his most effective soundtrack to date. I have to confess a weakness for Nolan. The Prestige is my favorite film of his but I’ve not seen one yet that I didn’t like. I even liked The Dark Knight Rises, which in some critical circles would cost you the tip of your best typing finger. Interstellar is entertaining intelligent space opera, which in time will stand as one of the classics of the genre.

 

For more Reviews CLICK HERE.

INTERSTELLAR: FIRST REACTIONS

HOLLYWOOD – Following the first screenings of Christopher Nolan’s new science fiction epic Interstellar the first reactions from the internet are in and we have collected them.

Generally speaking the reaction from the celebrities who have seen the film have been overwhelmingly positive. For example, Gordon Ramsey tweeted ‘F*cking great f*cking science f*cking fiction film, Chris!’ and Fox News’ Doctor Manny tweeted ‘Interstellar cures cancer AND herpes’.

Here are some other responses gathered EXCLUSIVELY by the Studio Exec:

Christopher Nolan’s new film Interstellar was so good it made me want to JUMP!

Dave Lee Roth

WTF! Casey Affleck is in  this? When did that happen?

Ben Affleck

One of the funniest films I have ever seen. Nolan is a master.

Adam Sandler

Interstellar is a deeply religious film. Truly spiritual and Christopher Nolan must be applauded for actually spending so much time in space to make this.

Sarah Palin

Interstellar sh*ts on Gravity. From a height!

NASA

Matthew McConaughey is awful. Embarrassing really.

Woody Harrelson

I should have used more tuba.

Hans Zimmer

Good to see it done well and not have to think about Ghostbusters 3. Which will be out in 2016.

Dan Aykroyd

Okay Chris. I give up. You’ve got the job.

God

CHRISTOPHER NOLAN: THE FUTURE OF CINEMA

HOLLYWOOD – Hi everyone. Urm, yeah, Christopher Nolan here; director of the Dark Knight Trilogy, Inception and … oh, Memento. Yeah. That’s right. Have I got your attention? Yeah, um, I thought so.

Reports of the death of cinema, to paraphrase Mark Twain, have been greatly exaggerated. Mobile phones, illegal downloads, people eating nachos with dips, 3D glasses and Michael Bay have all certainly had their deleterious effect but with the right innovations cinema is going to be alive and well and better than ever far into the future. How do you ask? Well, I made The Prestige, and here are three magic suggestions. 

1. More comic books movies. I visited my local multiplex the other day and was shocked to see that two of the seventeen screens were occupied by films not based on comic book characters. One was showing Chef and the other was showing some tripe about a boy growing up with awful CGI ageing, no doubt. Comic book movies are great because you don’t really need a script, or acting, or anything and then Hans Zimmer lends you his epic thumping score and away you go. Make it a little bit somber, darken the palette, put in Mikey Caine and the critics will lap it up. So more of these. I’ll exec them for a premium fee.

2. Free gimmicks with your ticket. You buy a cinema ticket today and what do you get? Just a bit of card with the name of the film and which screen it’s on, maybe a seat number. Rubbish. You should get a gimmick like a Frisbee, or a rattle, something to occupy the hands during slow parts of the film. Imagine watching Le Weekend – a bit dull I know – and then a game of Ultimate Frisbee breaks out! Amazing.

3. Balloon net. This is the topper and I don’t think this has been done before. Rig a large net over every auditorium and when the film comes to its climax, release thousands of balloons from the net, along with party streamers and confetti bombs! Can you imagine watching Mamma Mia for instance or 12 Years a Slave and as the final shot comes on streamers and balloons float from the ceiling? It would be AMAZING!

Christopher Nolan’s Interstellar will be released in November.

ARMAGEDDON PREQUEL: ‘LOOKS DULL’

HOLLYWOOD – The long awaited prequel of Michael Bay’s Armageddon has received an overwhelming thumbs down from the first test screenings Studio Exec has learned from inside sources.

The film, provisionally entitled The Rise of Armageddon, stars a cast of unknowns, including Mark Wahlberg as a young Billy Bob Thornton, Orlando Bloom as a young Bruce Willis, Meryl Streep as a young Liv Tyler, and Matt Damon as a young Ben Affleck. Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and with a Hans Zimmer score, the studio hoped that the prequel would match the original which was the highest grossing motion picture of 1998, pissing on The Thin Red Line money wise from a height.  So what went wrong?

Below are some audience reactions with test score:

Alan Dunn(Chicago, Illinois):

DON’T GET IT. HARRY STAMPER AND HIS YOUNG PROTEGE A.J. DRILL UNDERWATER AND THE SCIENTIST DOES PAPERWORK. WTF? 2/10

Josie Perte (Austin, Texas): 

Why is the furniture moving? Oh that’s Mark Wahlberg and Orlando Bloom! Ha ha ha ha ha! 3/10

Monica Simons (San Francisco, California):

Nothing really happens. They just lead fairly normal lives. Then occasionally we see an asteroid but it’s too far away to be detected. And then some scientists at NASA say ‘Are there any asteroids heading towards the Earth?’ and another scientist checks like a machine and then he says, ‘No’ and then we’re back to drilling. 2/10  

Armond White (New York):

A work of absolute genius. Only Bay could have the audacity to take such a bold concept and run with it. Eschewing his usual vitality and car chases, and allowing only a tinge of his perfectly weighted homophobia and adolescent misogyny to seep in, Bay takes on the mantle of our generation’s Samuel Beckett. 20/10

Mannie Cloud (Tampa, Florida):

What’s Mark Wahlberg doing in front of the camera? Isn’t he an executive producerer or something?  1/10

HANS ZIMMER: ANYONE WHO PLAYS A TUBA OWES ME $50









CHICAGO – Hans Zimmer made the extraordinary announcement this afternoon that anyone who plays the tuba or the trombone, owes him $50. ‘The way I figure it,’ the Frankfurter said, waving his baton, ‘Before I came along you assholes were all playing the flights of the bumblebees, now after the score I did for Inception, it’s ommpha this and ommpha that.’
Marcus Hawley of the Los Angeles chapter of the Tuba and Trombone Players Associated Guild said: ‘He’s not wrong. We all owe him gratitude and yes possibly some money as well.’
The use of tuba and trombone parts has gone up by 76% in trailers and scores according to the Institute for the Collection of Tuba Related Statistics.
Mr Zimmer said he had a list of the addresses of everyone who plays tuba or trombone and he would be coming round on Friday afternoon, commenting ‘You better have my fucking money.’