HOLLYWOOD – The 4th film in the Transformers franchise, Michael Bay’s Transformers: Age of Extinction has made an unbelievable amount of money on its opening weekend and signaled the onset of the apocalypse.

As soon as the Box Office figures were published, the Seventh Seal was broken and the trumpets sounded opening the gates of Hell. Jesus – in a blaze of light – returned to the Earth and separated those who were worthy from those who had to star in a Damon Lindelof show. Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, Jesus said: 

We’ve been hanging around upstairs watching what has been going on. I keep saying to God, ‘Look dad, they’re ruining everything. Let’s go down and sort them out.’ But dad would say, ‘no, there is still good in them. We can save them.’ Then he saw Transformers 4 and all the people going to see it and he said, ‘Sod this for a game of soldiers’ and unleashed the end of days.

So it was like a tipping point? 

Exactly. To be totally frank Hangover 3 was the tipping point, but logistics are such that we had to set everything up. I mean winding up a project like Life on Earth isn’t just something you can do in a week. 

But he created the Universe in a week? 

But he was young and full of fire in those days. He’s slowed down and has just kind of lost interest.

So ironically The Age of Extinction has in fact created the Age of Extinction. 

I suppose. I mean if irony is your thing. Anyway got to go.

 See you later. 

I don’t think so.

Transformers: Age of Extinction is currently in theaters.