LAST JEDI WILL BE THE LAST STAR WARS MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Disney announced today that Star Wars Episode 8: The Last Jedi will be the last Star Wars movie.

The Last Jedi is to close the Star Wars saga, it was revealed today. All the other proposed Star Wars movies have been canceled.

Kathleen Kennedy, the producer in charge of the franchise, spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about the decision:

We just decided we were bored of doing them. At first we were all very excited but then after a while it was like Star Wars, Star Wars, Star Wars! Jeez enough already. I mean we’re a bunch of grown ups in a room talking about if Ziphius Fey is going to have to go to Booglyon 8 to get the weeBa Krystals.

Wow! They go to Booglyon 8!  

And then it wouldn’t be so bad, but we’re talking about a film every year. Maybe even more.

But what about the films that are already in production, or have even completed post-production like the Han Solo stand alone?

The Han Solo movie is a mess. Half of it is Lego and the rest of it is Far and Away. Tom Cruise turns up speaking in an Oirish accent – ‘What are all ye leetle fellows doin’, made of bricks an all?’ – It’s an embarrassment.

So that’s it. No more Star Wars. 

Yep. It was fun. But this way think of the next original idea that will come along and finally have some space to breathe.

Star Wars Episode 8 The Last Jedi will be released in December.

 

RON HOWARD CALLED IN TO DIRECT THE LAST JEDI

HOLLYWOOD – Ron Howard replaces Rian Johnson on Star Wars Episode 8 The Last Jedi.

Han Solo director Ron Howard has taken over from Rian Johnson as the director of the eighth instalment of the Star Wars series, The Last Jedi. The decision came down late last night and hit the internets early this morning. Howard spoke to the Studio Exec immediately:

I was talking with Kathleen about the process and how Rian was doing. They were really happy and everything seemed honky tonky, but I could tell they were nervous. So I said why don’t I take over. They tried to hide their delight. They told me the film was practically finished and there was just the soundtrack and the titles to add, but I knew what they meant. So late last night I snuck into the editing booth and changed the card to ‘Directed by Ron Howard’. I know they’ll be over the moon.

Howard already took over from Chris Miller and Philip Lord – the Lego Movie and Jump Street 22 directors – to complete the Han Solo project. He is also talking about taking over Blade Runner 2049 as well as releasing a Director’s Cut of Christopher Nolan’s Dunkirk.

‘I’m going to change the music and add my name at the end,’ he told the Exec. ‘I didn’t realize that it could be so easy. But now I don’t know if I’ll ever bother to do a whole film again.’

Rian Johnson, however, insists that he’s still the film’s director.

We did find Howard’s name at the end of a rough cut and he occasionally sneaked onto the set and shouted ‘Action!’ or ‘Cut!’ I thought it was just a joke.

Star Wars: The Last Jedi will be released in December, 2017

HAN SOLO EMAILS LEAKED ON-LINE

HOLLYWOOD – A slew of emails from the troubled production of stand alone Star Wars film Han Solo have appeared on the internet.

Emails between Lawrence Kasdan and Kathleen Kennedy and Phil Lord and Chris Miller have leaked online. Here are some selected moments of what proved to be a troubled production.

Hi Fellas!

How is everything going with the shoot? 

……………………………………………………..

Hi Kathleen, Hi Lawrence,

Everything is AWESOME.

……………………………………………………..

Hi Boys!

Just some notes on the rushes from the shoot so far. Me and Lawrence got to see them and we want to say on the whole it looks like you’re doing a great job. We do have one or two concerns. I’ve listed them below. 

First off: Do we need the songs? I’m asking myself. 

Secondly: Alden Ehrenreich’s performance is a bit LEGO-y. Is that a fake head?

Then: Having Lando and Han take a psychotropic drug during which Lando gets the idea for Cloud City isn’t consistent with how that happens in the canon. 

Finally: Can we also not have Chewbacca be quite so stoned quite so often? 

……………………………………………………..

Hi Kathleen, Hi Lawrence,

Everything is great (when you’re part of a team)

……………………………………………………..

Yeah about that. We’re thinking that Alden might need some help with his performance. Tell him not to worry about it. We just want someone onset who will contradict everything you tell him.

……………………………………………………..

Hi Kathleen, HI Lawrence,

We’re getting vibes from you guys that the weather isn’t exactly peachy. It feels Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, if we’re to be honest!

……………………………………………………..

Yeah, Fellas!

Enough of the referencing your films in ever single email. You remember when we said we wanted your individual vision and how important it was to us to hear your voices in the movie? Remember how we said we wanted to give you total creative freedom? Well, that was all bullshit. Turns out what we really want you to do is stick to the script and quit with the postmodernism. As in pronto!

Han Solo will be released in 2018.

RON HOWARD PROMISES TO DE-LEGO HAN SOLO

HOLLYWOOD – Happy Days actor and Rush director Ron Howard has promised that his Han Solo won’t feature Lego.

Ron Howard has been called in to replace Philip Lord and Chris Miller and has promised that he will reverse the Lego-like direction the new Star Wars film was going in. Kathleen Kennedy spoke to the Studio Exec:

The thing we all love about Ron is that there’s no Lego in any of his movies. Far and Away: no Lego. Rush: No Lego. Cinderella Man: no Lego. Apollo 13: no Lego. I could go on.

Please don’t.

Splash and A Beautiful Mind and The DaVinci Code: No L… wait I think there might have been some Lego in The DaVinci Code. But that was very much the anomaly.

Apart from the no Lego thing what does Ron bring to the table for Star Wars?

Well, he’s available. He has no discernible style to get in the way of the franchise. We’re kind of sick of all this ‘respect my vision’ bullshit. This is a Han Solo movie. The vision is: do you want to see a Han Solo movie? Yes. Okay open your eyes. There it is. What do you mean where’s the Lego? Get out of my house.

Han Solo will be released in 2018.

 

HAN SOLO NEWS: CHRIS MILLER AND PHIL LORD WANTED TO GO ‘FULL LEGO’

HOLLYWOOD –   fire Chris Miller and Phil Lord from the stand alone Star Wars movie Han Solo because ‘they wanted to go full lego’.

The Studio Exec received the shocking news that comedy directors Phil Lord and Chris Miller have been fired from the Han Solo movie only weeks before filming wraps. According to sources close to the production the firing came after tensions between Kathleen Kennedy and Lawrence Kasdan built up with the Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs duo. An insider told the Studio Exec:

At first everyone was on board with the direction that Phil and Chris were proposing. Kathleen hired them for their off the wall humor and their irreverence. But there was one major stumbling block that was never fully dealt with and that was what finally did for them. They wanted to do the whole film with lego.

You mean like an animated movie?

No, they were filming live action scenes. We went to Italy to film in the Dolomites. All over the place. But when the actors came on set they found these Lego versions of themselves. Chris told them to just voice the characters while Phil and Chris moved the Lego around.

Wow.

I know. At first we assumed they were doing pre-viz. You know that’s the thing now. But when the cast complained then Phil told wardrobe to basically make these huge Lego costumes. The guys run a fun set so we assumed it was a practical joke. But it went on all day and then the next. Kathleen was just fuming. She kept talking to Ron Howard all the time and she always had him on speaker phone so the guys and the crew could hear. She’d say things like ‘I could drop a rock on their heads while they’re sleeping’ and ‘twenty dollars buys me a guy called Luciano and no questions asked’. They began to get scared but they were unerring in their artistic vision. I’ll give them that.

The film stars Alden Ehrenreich in the role of the space smuggler, made famous by Harrison Ford. Donald Glover plays Lando Calrissian.

Han Solo will be released in 2018.

FIRST SHOT OF HAN SOLO STANDALONE

HOLLYWOOD – The first shot of the Han Solo standalone movie hit the internet today.

Han Solo – A Star Wars Story will be the first animated movie in the new Disney run franchise.  Alden Ehrenreich voices Solo and Donald Glover will play Lando. Directors Christopher Miller and Phil Lord dropped in to explain the decision to make the movie a cartoon:

First, we wanted to make the film as close to the original as possible and as good as the cast is they just don’t look enough like the original actors. So we decided to draw them with pencils and color them in with crayons. Plus we’re frankly more comfortable with pictures. It’s going to be Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs meets Star Wars.

Lawrence Kasdan and Jon Kasdan have written the script.

Doing the cartoon gives us a lot of options. There are characters we can include. Jar Jar for instance. He’s a cartoonish character so we’re really going to do this right. And we connect the Clone Wars as well because a lot of those drawings have already been done.

Disney release Han Solo: A Star Wars Story on May 25, 2018.

STAR WARS: ROGUE ONE RESHOOT NOTES LEAK ONLINE

HOLLYWOOD – Star Wars Rogue One is to have reshoots this Summer and the Studio Exec has received a copy of the notes that are to guide the director and his crew.

The Studio Exec has received a copy of the production notes that were given by top Disney Executives to Gareth Edwards, the director of the first Star Wars spin off movie Rogue One, as he heads back onto location and to the studio for some reshoots. Here they are in full.

FAO: Gareth Edwards.

RE: RESHOOTS – “STAR WARS ROGUE ONE”                                             May 25th, 2016

MEMO following screening attended by DL & ST & RR. This document is to serve as a record of the ensuing conversation between Disney Execs and an initial guide for the reshoots. 

DL: First thing to do is obviously congratulate Gareth on the film. There are problems and more of these anon, but the film itself is a great piece of film making and something to be proud of. 

ST: Absolutely. 

RR: The problem is tone and fortunately this is something the reshoots should be able to redress without too much expense in money or time. So let’s get down to brass tacks. I think we need to lose the singing and dancing.

ST: Totally agree. The singing and dancing must go. I mean they’re great in themselves but they don’t really fit in with the overall thematic tone of the STAR WARS universe.

DL: We had the Cantina scene in NEW HOPE…

ST: Yeah, but that was like three minutes. Here we have seven separate song and dance routines, none of which are really moving the story forward.  

RR: I could live with the music if it was at least original, but they’re all songs from the 1980s and most of them are by Lionel Richie. 

DL: Hello, Dancing on the Ceiling…

RR: Sweet Dreams is by the Eurythmics I think.

ST: But the point is still valid. Where in the STAR WARS universe do the Eurythmics even exist? 

DL: But that leaves us with a fifty minute movie. So we’re going to need some filler. We’ve talked about having the Gungans turn up and do something else but I think we already got burned on that before so maybe we should avoid it. 

ST: Can we talk about the violence?

RR: It is too violent. Too gory. That scene in the torture cell with Mads Mikklesen. I wanted to go home and take a bath after I watched that. It was like something out of an Eli Roth film. I don’t know those Gungans are looking pretty good now.

ST: We really need young Han Solo.

DL: It doesn’t make any sense. Young Han Solo is literally a couple of weeks younger than the Han Solo we see in New Hope.

RR: Then it’s Gungans. It has to be Gungans.

ST: Gungans it is then.

For more Star Wars CLICK HERE.

JOHN GOODMAN CONFIRMED AS HAN SOLO

HOLLYWOOD – Disney today confirmed that John Goodman would be taking on the iconic role of Han Solo in a stand alone Star Wars film to be directed by Chris Miller and Phil Lord of Lego Movie fame.

Roseanne Barr’s husband and Barton Fink’s next door neighbor John Goodman is to take over from Harrison Ford as everyone’s favorite smuggler, Han Solo, in a new stand alone Star Wars film. Despite rumors that Alden Ehrenreich of Hail Caesar! has been cast in the role, Disney today confirmed that they were going with Goodman. A source from within Disney spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We wanted to go in a different direction. We wanted people to say ‘John Goodman as Han Solo? huh!’ And I think we’ve already achieved that.

But isn’t John Goodman too old to play a young Han Solo?

We always saw Han as a mature character. Even when he’s young he has a certain gravitas and a certain heft. You watch John Goodman in 10 Cloverfield Lane or Matinee and you’ll know exactly why we hired him. He’s in practically ever decent Coen Brothers film that there is. There’s a reason for that.

John Goodman himself phoned later this evening to offer his thoughts on becoming the pilot of the Millennium Falcon.

To be perfectly honest with you, I don’t like Star Wars. I find it a childish fantasy and I particularly hate the way the young people are being sold this regurgitated nostalgia for a time that they never themselves experienced. It’s like your parents forcing you to listen to Pink Floyd under some misapprehension that it’s good.

So why are you doing it?

Well, I read the script and… money.

Han Solo: 12 Parsecs to Fame will be released in 2019.

ORLANDO BLOOM RELEASED FROM CARBONITE

HOLLYWOOD – Pirates of the Caribbean and Lord of the Rings actor Orlando Bloom has been successfully released from carbonite, it was revealed today.

Orlando Bloom has been defrosted from the carbonite that held him in suspended animation for several years in order to allow him to appear in the fifth installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean. Although sources disagree it is thought that Bloom had been carbon frozen shortly after his appearance in Ridley Scott’s Kingdom of Heaven in 2005, though others contend that Bloom must have been subject to the controversial storage process following 2007’s Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End.

Bloom watcher George Samsonite told the Studio Exec:

It is difficult to date Bloom’s freezing in carbonite because he did appear in a number of films following the hibernation process but the bland status of his acting makes it very difficult to tell if he has been frozen solid into a block or if he’s simply being Orlando Bloom. One thing we can say for certain is that his appearances in The Hobbit films were certainly taking place post-carbonite freezing.

Meanwhile news that Orlando Bloom had been unfrozen was met with worldwide consternation and markets in Asia tumbled. President Barack Obama issued a statement to try and reassure the citizenry:

Orlando Bloom has been released only for the duration of the filming of the new Pirates of the Caribbean film. We have had assurances from the film makers that Mr. Bloom will voluntarily submit himself once more to the carbon freezing process as soon as the film is completed. Apparently as well as being painless, it is believed that Bloom enjoys being frozen in carbonite, saying that it tickles.

Pirates of the Caribbean 5 will be released in 2017.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT HAN SOLO

HOLLYWOOD – With the news that there will be a stand alone Star Wars Anthology movie for Han Solo directed by Chris Miller and Phil Lord, the Studio Exec FACT Squad jumped into their Millennium Falcon and ‘punched it’.

So here are the five FACTS you need to know but didn’t about the man who made the Kessel run in under 12 par secs.

1. The Kessler Run is actually a really short distance and most people make it in 5 par secs easy. Han Solo has always been a bad liar, often making his lies less impressive than the truth would have been.

2. Han Solo’s real name is Derek ‘Hand’ Solo. The nickname ‘hand’ comes from the old Academy days when ‘Hand’ was known mainly for his endless devotion to Onanism. He dropped the ‘D’ for obvious reasons.

3. Wookie co-pilot Chewbacca and Han Solo have only had sex with each other once when they were both very drunk. Neither have ruled a repetition out, but have no plans to take the relationship any further.

4. The Millennium Falcon actually belongs to Chewbacca, but Wookies are notoriously inept at legal niceties and Han Solo just pretends it belongs to him. He’s been doing it so long now that when the time comes to pay the insurance both Chewbacca and Han Solo are surprised to find the ship in Chewbacca’s name. They laugh over this now.

5. Han Solo never actually married Princess Leia. They just live together and have great sex.

For more FACTS click HERE.

FIRST LOOK AT HAN SOLO ANTHOLOGY STAR

HOLLYWOOD – For the umpteenth time, the Studio Exec brings an EXCLUSIVE preview of the new Han Solo who is to star in the upcoming Star Wars Anthology movie to be directed by Chris Miller and Phil Lord.

Very little is known about the young actor and we don’t even have his name but he will play Han Solo in the new movie and as you can see the costume is on traditional lines, with the trademark blaster and holster.

Han Solo has been everybody’s favorite Star Wars character, except for director Terrence Malick who – due to idiosyncrasy – prefers Jabba the Hutt.

A source close to the team that brought us Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, The Lego Movie and 21 Jump Street said that the boys were extremely excited about landing the job.

Chris and Phil are both huge geeks as can be evidenced from the many in jokes, throughout their films. I think this is a perfect fit for them and I know they already have a lot of ideas about where to take the new movie and especially the look it ought to have. They really want to get back to that physical universe of the 1970s. You know a blocky aesthetic.

There is very little about the plot that we know yet, though rumor has it the new film will trace the early adventures of Han Solo as a smuggler and his first meeting with Chewbacca. The character was first made famous by an actor called Harrison Ford who will also be appearing in a later Han Solo film called Never Say Never Again.

Han Solo: Cloudy With a Chance of Wookie will be released in 2017.

SCRIPT LEAK: THE FORCE AWAKENS

HOLLYWOOD – The script for the new episode of Star Wars: The Force Awakens leaked onto the internet today and we are publishing an EXCLUSIVE extract.

INT. MILLENNIUM FALCON – DAY

Chewbacca and Han Solo enter the Millennium Falcon.

     HAN SOLO

Chewie, we’re home!

     CHEWBACCA

MWAARHHH!

     HAN SOLO

I’ll put the kettle on. Have we got biscuits?

INT. MILLENNIUM FALCON KITCHENETTE – DAY

Han Solo hunts for biscuits. They’re in the bottom cupboard.

     HAN SOLO

It’s so good that we’re done with the adventures and all that.  No Death Star to blow up. No Empire to defeat.  I’ve got a good feeling about this.

Chewbacca puts his slippers on.

     CHEWBACCA

MWARRRAAAHOOOHH.

     HAN SOLO

You can say that again buddy.

INT. MILLENNIUM FALCON LOUNGE – DAY

Chewbacca and Han Solo recline on La-Z-Boys sipping cocoa and nibbling on ginger snaps.

     HAN SOLO

I mean adventures, shooting storm troopers, getting frozen in carbon, captured by Ewoks. How are your English lessons coming on?

     CHEWBACCA

Splendid.

     HAN SOLO
You should speak English more.

     CHEWBACCA

And forget my Wookie heritage? No thank  you.

HAN SOLO
Fair Point.

A hologram of Princess Leia appears on the table.

PRINCESS LEIA

Help me Han Solo. You’re my only hope.

HAN SOLO

Oh hey Leia.

PRINCESS LEIA

Can you pick up the kids? I know I’d said I’d go but …

HAN SOLO
Must I do everything myself? Why can’t their Uncle Luke go?

PRINCESS LEIA

And you know how Luke has the Force, his father had it, his mother had it, his sister (that’s me) has it… Anyway, loads of us have it.

HAN SOLO

Okay!?

PRINCESS LEIA

Well, you know how the Force sometimes goes to sleep?

HAN SOLO
First I’ve heard about it.

PRINCESS LEIA

Well, the force is asleep basically so I can’t pick the kids up, neither can Luke, Dad can’t because he’s … well… dead.

HAN SOLO

Okay, so I’ll go and pick them up because I don’t have the Force.

PRINCESS LEIA

Right.

HAN SOLO

And this is like all this week?

PRINCESS LEIA

Until the Force awakens, yep. A week tops.

Princess Leia hangs up.

HAN SOLO

Okay Chewie, looks like we’re doing the school run.

CHEWBACCA

MWAAARRRRAAHHAHH!

HAN SOLO

You’re right. It does suck balls.

THE END

SNEAK PEAK OF TAYLOR LAUTNER AS THE YOUNG HAN SOLO

HOLLYWOOD – The Star Wars stand alone movie dealing with the young Han Solo has its star in Taylor Lautner, fresh from his success a few years ago in the Twilight series.

The news broke following the excitement of the new Force Awakens trailer and the internet went crazy. Taylor said that he is keen to hear his first fans talk about Team Han, rather than Team Jacob: ‘It’ll make a nice change.’

We asked Taylor, how he felt about the original Star Wars films:

Well, I thought the first three weren’t very good, but as soon as Han Solo and Luke Skywalker turned up they really improved. 

What have you done to prepare for the role?

I’ve worn a waistcoat and it feels quite comfortable, but I’m going to insist that at some point I take my shirt off. Otherwise, I can’t really, you know, act. Properly.  

Have you spoken to Harrison Ford and what was his reaction to the news?

Harrison’s great. He’s been real supportive. I remember my first conversation with him. He said ‘I’m just glad it ain’t that goddamn Shia LaBeouf!’ I don’t think an actor can hear more encouraging words than those.

Han Begins will be released in 2016.

BETTER CALL SAUL WILL FEATURE HAN SOLO

HOLLYWOOD – Han Solo will be a returning cast member to AMC’s Breaking Bad spin off Better Call Saul, Vince Gilligan today confirmed.

Speaking exclusively to the Studio Exec show runner, Gilligan commented live via Skype from his own private island that he has named Vince’s Island:

We were unsure about having cast members return. But Bryan Cranston I know is keen to come back and appear as a cameo, as is Aaron Paul.  

Have you had an opportunity to talk to Harrison Ford?

What about?

About appearing in Better Call Saul as Han Solo, possibly one of everyone’s favorite characters from the original series. 

But you mean the original series of Star Wars, not Breaking Bad? That’s a whole different…

I heard he broke his ankle.

What? 

Harrison Ford broke his ankle on the set.

Oh yeah. Yes that’s true.

‘Yes. That’s true’. There we have it. 

But I didn’t mean….

[End of Transmission]

So it’s confirmed Han Solo will feature as a recurring character in Better Call Saul.

Better Call Saul is due to be broadcast this Fall.