HALLOWEEN – HORROR AS MICHAEL MYERS UNMASKED

Terror spread through the internet as a picture of Michael Myers – our favorite slasher – revealed his real face. 

He’s terrified us in Halloween, John Carpenter’s film released in 1978, a good eighty years ago. Now a new film is due to be released featuring Jamie Lee Curtis facing off against the masked murderer.

But now terror spread as a picture revealed his true face. 

“It’s horrible,” Dimmy MacKlief said, through shifting streams of vomit. “I always heard the the imagination would paint a worst picture than reality. You know what you see is the worst terror, but that just simply isn’t true.”

Halloween star Michael Myers

Halloween will be released this Christmas. 

47 FILMS: 54. ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13

In our increasingly innumerate series of 47 films to see before you are murdered in your dreams, we present John Carpenter’s urban western: Assault on Precinct 13.

People are always trying to remake John Carpenter’s films. There’s been a bunch of Halloween sequels, a The Thing remake and an Assault on Precinct 13 remake. It’s probably his own fault. His The Thing was after all a remake that managed to surpass the original Howard Hawks picture The Thing from Outer Space. Even Assault on Precinct 13 is a kind of remake. It’s basically Rio Bravo – again Howard Hawks – remade as urban nightmare.

Austin Stoker plays Lieutenant Ethan Bishop, a cop whose first command is a deserted station house in the middle of a rough ghetto in Los Angeles. The police station is being mothballed and Bishop just needs to sit out the night, but unbeknownst to him a criminal gang with a large cache of weapons have sworn a blood oath against the LAPD, a child is about to be murdered and a bus transporting a high profile prisoner is about to stop off. Before you can say – Night of the Living Dead – the criminal hoards are descending on the Alamo style holdout and the cop and criminal and civilian must work together to survive.

Carpenter crafts his low budget thriller with amazing style and discipline. A sequence involving a murderous gang and an ice cream van is an exercise in building tension. And then with a pay off that to this day packs a horrific punch. Although the script was the work of a mere 8 days, it has some genuinely witty dialogue, especially with the character of the infamous prisoner Napoleon Wilson and his wise-assery. A similarly cheap and cheerful approach went with the soundtrack but it’s one of Carpenter’s best.

The tension and violence begins to dissipate rather than escalate as the lack of budget begins to show. But such sniping is unworthy. This is a brilliant genre exercise in less is more.

For more of our 47 Films to see before you’re murdered in your dreams CLICK HERE.

BETAMAX: THE MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – From the makers of V/H/S, comes a film of unmentionable horror: Betamax.

Bloody Disgusting and Magnet Releases announced today that a follow-up to V/H/S: Viral is already in production. As with V/H/S and V/H/S 2Betamax will be an anthology film, featuring the work of seven different directors. However, in a departure from the previous films, the directors will all come from non-horror backgrounds.

Tom Hooper is noted for his prestigious productions of The King’s Speech and Les Miserables. But is now one of the biggest talents involved in the project.

He spoke exclusively with the Studio Exec this morning:

I have never been a particular fan of the horror genre – although some have told me that the idea of Russell Crowe singing still keeps them awake at night, ha ha! But no, I’m not a fan of horror, but I did like the idea that I should try my hand at something new. And there was money.

Joining Tom Hooper is joined by Shakespeare in Love director John Madden, as well as esteemed social realists Mike Leigh and Ken Loach.

Madden said:

Firstly, we should be the more refined and ultimately superior quality version of what the earlier films were doing in a more grungy way. Plus the chances are that just like the real Betamax, no one will actually see this film.

The Dardennes Brothers declined as they wish to go forward with a rival project: Laser Disc.

Betamax will be released in 2018, but only in Betamax format.

HALLOWEEN: TOP 5 SCARIEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME

SCARY-WOOD  – Happy Halloween Folks!

Graves yawn and spew forth vampires, zombies, serial killers, Billy Crystal jokes and ghosts. So, the Studio Exec presents his scientifically proven scariest movies ever made list. Five of the scariest movies ever made. 

Firstly. Mamma Mia! A beautiful idyllic island in Greece seems like paradise on Earth and young Sophie is looking forward to her wedding when the horror and terror which lurks beneath the surface suddenly erupt as Pierce Brosnan turns up to sing. ARRRGGGGHHHHH!! Meryl Streep Sings and ACTS. AAAAIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE! and everyone sings ABBA. ARRHGHGHGHGHGGGGGGHHHHHUURGHHHHHH-cough.

Secondly. Look Who’s Talking 2: As if it isn’t bad enough that one baby is possessed by John McClane the othe one turns out to be possessed by Roseanne Barr. The second sequel to Rosemary’s Baby closed the most frightening chapter in postnatal terror.

Third. Alvin and the Chipmunks: the Squeekquel: Not only do those irritating horrible little gremlin-like tribbles sing and dance in one movie, enough idiots (AKA children) went to see it for there to be another. The Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Snuff Movie remains alas just a hopeful dream, something to console the desperate in the darkest longest night of the soul.

Four! Jack: Robin Williams appears in a film the trailer of which describes it as the story of a ’10 year old boy trapped in a 40 year old man’s body’. Urrrrggghhhh.

And finally. The Canyons: Not happy with her Christine inspired shocker Herbie Fully Loaded, Lindsay Lohan is back, showing exactly what her curse can wreak on all those around her. Talents such as Bret Easton Ellis, Paul Schrader and even little Jimmy Deen are left carcasses in her bad movie, awful acting wake. Like the cursed video from The Ring, watch this film AND LOSE YOUR SOUL!

Happy Halloween everyone! from the Studio Exec.   

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT HALLOWEEN

HALLOWEEN – It’s that time of year again, when everyone gets really angry at their children. So The Studio Exec has helpfully provided the FACT Squad with the mission to seek out 5 FACTS about Halloween.

1. Halloween was invented in 1978 by John Carpenter to promote his new movie ‘Halloween’. He got the name from his three year old daughter who used to say she need to hall-o-ween when ever she needed the toilet.

2. The most frightening movie ever made was Cannibal Holocaust, a film so brutal that American Association for the Protection of Cannibals refused to give it an end of credits disclaimer that stated ‘No cannibals had been harmed in the making of this movie’. Many of the cannibals – it was stated at the time – had put on weight during the production.

3. The phrase ‘trick or treat’ was originally a sixteenth century cry of a street walker in the London borough of Lambeth. In 1967 it was adopted by the US Congress as their motto.

4. Hall O’Ween, the Irish entrepreneur who made Halloween popular in the early eighties, changed his name by deed poll in order to popularize the holiday. He was originally called Mister Chiefnight.

5. Ronald Reagan in 1986 changed the date of Halloween to the 25th of December, but the move only lasted one year as it was considered too cold for the children to go out trick or treating. And it was also pointed out that it clashed with Christmas Day.

For more MOVIE FACTS Click Here.

ZOMBIES TO BE KILLED OFF

HOLLYWOOD – Ever since Victor Helperin‘s 1932 film White Zombie, the undead have been limping and lurching, drooling and more recently raging across out cinema screens.

The cultish gore fest and satire of the George Romero films of the Seventies gave way to the mainstream shoot em ups of War World Z and The Walking Dead and so it is with some sadness – and relief – that studio executives announced today that they were definitively killing off the cult figure before there was a serious outbreak. 

A spokesperson for AMC pivotal in the making of Walking Dead commented:

We had tried by getting rid of Frank Darabont, but that wasn’t the head shot we’d assumed it would be and the damn seasons just kept staggering on, blood and pus-oozing from what ought to have been a fatal wound. We tried killing off the interesting characters but here we are again. Like half a body dragging its entrails spilling torso across the floor towards us.

 Danny Boyle – director of 28 Days Later – said he was not sorry to see the back of the horror sub-genre.

When we made 28 Days Later we were essentially trying to reinvent the zombie, speed it up and make the stories less contrived. However, the Rec films and World War Z have convinced me that even this injection of angry raging life has not been enough.

 Sociologist and film critic U’buto Menege wrote recently in the Huffington Post

Freud said that nightmares were fantasies that are too transgressive to admit. Our feelings of horror are actually just us acting out what we really want. The problem with the zombie scenario is that fantasy is actually all too obvious. The nightmare is no longer there. It’s pure fantasy. We dress up as zombies at the drop of a hat. Freud would shit himself laughing.

From 2014 no more Zombie films (or infection films) will go into production. The ones already in production will be taken out to the back lot by government agents in bright yellow chemical threat suits and buried by a bulldozer in a large communal pit.

The last Zombie film to be shown will be Martin Luther King Jr: Zombie Killer.

 

PARANORMAL POLICE ACADEMY ACTIVITY

HOLLYWOOD – Rumors of a Police Academy remake have been rife, but now we’ve learned that the two most successful franchises in their respective genres – Police Academy (comedy) and Paranormal Activity (horror) are to combine to make the ultimate entertainment mash up Paranormal Police Academy Activity (horror/comedy).

The ‘still alive’ actor Steve Guttenberg will star as Mahoney, a geriatric police recruit who must train with a bunch of other hopelessly aged candidates in the Police Academy, which has been put under intense video surveillance for no real reason. At first everything seems to be going okay,  as old friend Hightower (Bubba Smith) uses the time to make a film for his Community College project, despite Tackleberry’s (David Graf) best efforts to have them thrown off the program. However, there are strange noises in the night and messages are left that hint at a terrifying secret.

Director Bobcat Goldthwait who also plays Cadet Zed revealed the thinking behind the concept:

It’s very postmodern. Our characters are basically being haunted by the ghosts of their careers. They’re basically possessed by the success they had in the 80s and which they now can’t escape. Personally, I reinvented myself and went on to have a great time making films like God Bless America and The World’s Greatest Dad, but Steve… Well, he wasn’t so lucky.

However, Bobcat refused to comment about a rival project already in production and which also stars Steve Guttenberg, Police Academy: Assignment Miami Vice. The makers of Paranormal Activity attempted to comment but their words were muffled by the large amounts of money they were bathing in.

Paranormal Police Academy Activity will be released in 2016.  

EDUCATION BOARD TO CHECK CHILDREN’S DRAWINGS FOR DEMONIC POSSESSION

NEW YORK – Education boards up and down the country are implementing a new praxis whereby children’s artwork (ages 5-11)  will be routinely checked for evidence of demonic possession, potential psychopaths and ghostly mothers.

The idea was pioneered in California where Dr. Robert Buick published a paper entitled: ‘What Potato Paint Tells Us’.

He spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

I’m a huge horror movie fan and so I’ve watched like a ton: Insidious, The Orphan, The Shining, a ton. And it occurred to me when there’s a haunted house, a possession, demons around or some other ‘paranormal activity’ going on, one of the first indications is the drawings of an elementary school child. Often a teacher or family member will flip through a series of generically normal pictures of houses with  sunshine, rainbow and children playing with the family, only to stop at one painting which is black and red, very jagged and features horrifically imagined demons with daggers for fingers.

Danger signs will include

  • dark/Gothic color palette
  • scenes of gory violence which possibly anticipate a future event
  • facelessness
  • writing in Latin

However, some critics say that the whole initiative has no basis in reality. Felicity Parameters of the Parents Organisation In Touch said, ‘Dr. Buick’s theories have no scientific basis and are frankly ill advised. Many children enjoy drawing something violent and dark and these children are now going to be sent to the Vatican for mandatory exorcism which is heavy handed to say the least.’

What do you think? Leave your comments in the comment box below. 

HALLOWEEN: DISNEY TO REBOOT ‘ A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET’.

Nightmare on Elm Street











HOLLYWOOD – Musicals about child-killing paedophiles are few and far between, but Director Wes Craven aims to popularize this niche genre with an animated song and dance version of his horror classic A Nightmare on Elm Street.
Adapted from the screenplay of his early 80s slasher, Craven hopes his new family-friendly version of the twisted tale of teenage murder will encourage a new generation to fall in love with cuddly homicidal maniac Freddy Kruger.

Craven has been working with the Disney animators who worked on Tangled for the last three years and although the studio was at first reluctant to make the picture. As soon as Tim Rice and Elton Johncame on board, they eagerly gave the project the green light.

It’s rumoured Craven originally approached the Pixar team who are currently in the process of adapting I Spit On Your Grave, but after some useful brainstorming sessions, Wes decided the more traditional approach to animation would better suit the material.

Robert Englund will reprise his most famous role by voicing the villainous Kruger and both Heather Langenkamp and Johnny Depp have confirmed their vocal talents will also be on display.

Rice and John are thought to have completed seven of the ten tracks that will feature and with titles like ‘Boiler room Blues’‘I’m Just a Blood Stain on a Mattress’ and ‘Please Don’t Kill Me!’. It looks like there is going to be some more magical numbers added to the Disney songbook.

Disney’s A Nightmare on Elm Street is due for release Christmas 2014.