MEL GIBSON’S BEARD SUES FOR DIVORCE

HOLLYWOOD – Mel Gibson and his beard are to separate, bringing an end to their six year relationship.

Mel Gibson’s beard today announced that he is to separate from Hacksaw Ridge director Mel Gibson. The beard issued the following statement:

Today, I am very sad to announce that Mel and myself are separating. We have had a good try at it. Our relationship has been both loving and creative. Mel is a wonderful guy and always treated me well, with the finest oils and combs. But things have not been easy and I’m getting frankly sick of the way he tugs at me when he’s nervous.

The Mad Max actor first grew his beard while filming Apocalypto, but more recently there has been talk of difficulties as he was spotted during the making of Blood Father apparently bare-chinned.

Rumors that the beard is currently dating Tom Cruise have been lamely denied.

The Passion 2 will be released in 2019.

ANDREW GARFIELD NOT NECESSARY

HOLLYWOOD – It has been revealed that Andrew Garfield is ‘not necessary’.

Andrew Garfield starred in a number of big films including The Amazing Spider-Man, Hacksaw Ridge and Silence. However, scientists revealed today that he isn’t necessary. Dr. Wilhelm Scheme told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Following a series of tests, we showed audiences versions of Garfield’s big films with him in and then other version in which we digitally removed him – Spaceying as it is now called – and we found audience didn’t notice the difference.

Does this mean he’s a bad actor?

No, not at all. You see we ran the same tests with Eddie Redmayne for instance and audiences actually preferred the versions without him. In Andrew’s case they are supremely indifferent to his presence and or absence.

Does this confirm rumors that Garfield is actually the result of a CIA experiment to produce a stealth agent?

I can’t possibly comment. But yes.

Andrew Garfield stars in Burning, Burning Cyborg in 2018.

5 OSCAR PREDICTIONS

HOLLYWOOD – The Oscars are almost here.

The Academy Awards (or Oscars as Bette Davis prefers to call them) are happening Sunday. So the Studio Exec FACT Squad greased up, squeezed into tuxedos and got busy with some predictions.

1 La La Land, or Moonlight is going to win best picture, or Manchester by the Sea, or Fences, or Hacksaw Ridge, or Arrival, or Lion. Or Hidden Figures. Or Hell or High Water. Which is just one film by the way.

2. The winner of best feature documentary will be either black or Italian.

3. John Travolta will present the Best Supporting Actor category and Mahershala Ali will win but everyone will think ‘Meepy Deepy DooDar’ has won instead.

4.  Meryl Streep will happen.

5. Jimmy Kimmel will be a better host than Anne Hathaway and James Franco were. Donald Trump will be mentioned more than once. He will live tweet the event from a toilet in the White House.

 

For more FACTS click HERE.

APPARENTLY, THE OSCARS ARE HAPPENING AGAIN …

HOLLYWOOD – The Academy published the Oscar nominations earlier this week. We give our reaction.

So apparently, the Oscars are on again this year. It’s almost as if it’s every year now. We were going to do a full list of nominations but my cut and paste finger is sore. So you can go here and see that. Then come back and read this.

Nominations

First things first. The Academy discovered there are people in America who aren’t white! Moonlight, Fences and Hidden Figures all picked up nods as did Ruth Negga with Loving, the Jeff Nichols film. Supporting actress category saw Miss Moneypenny as well as Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer getting nommed. If that’s a a verb.

To round of the diversity anti-Semite Mel Gibson received a nomination for Hacksaw Ridge, the perfect American movie – loads of dirty Japanese get killed while we pretend to admire pacifism.

Snubs

Then there were the SNUBS. Amy Adams didn’t get nominated for Arrival and Martin Scorsese missed out with Silence. To be honest, Adams is great but there’s a law that Meryl Streep has to be nominated and that took her spot. As for Silence. Kundun was miles better. Silence is like Shogun but with more religion and less Richard Chamberlain.

La La Land received a large haul of nominations. There’s a point at which this kind of love begins to hurt a movie. I loved La La Land, but I saw it in August when no one else had. If I was to walk in having heard all the praise, I might be tempted to think the film a technically bit of superficial whimsy. I don’t think that. But with the group think pressure to love it, I can understand the Pavlovian backlash that is on its way.

So we’ll leave predictions to the experts. Who knows? Maybe we’ll post about he Oscars again before the actually ceremony. Feel free to comment in the box about how you think the whole think went down. We never read them.

The Academy announce the winners on February 26th, 2017.

SILENCE – REVIEW

REVIEW: SILENCE – Spider-man and Kylo Ren go to Japan to find Ra’s Ghul.

Martin Scorsese’s new film apparently took 20 years to make or more accurately he wanted to do it for twenty years or something. Anyway the adaptation of Shusaku Endo’s amazing novel is faithful, perhaps overly so. Large slabs of prose are Terrence Malicked onto the soundtrack, but at the same time Scorsese also literally renders paragraphs, often risking silliness. The story often slides towards Christian propaganda and one wonders how Mel Gibson would have dealt with it. And how critics would have looked at the film if he had.

Hacksaw Ridge actor Andrew Garfield does some more blinking as the priest who with Adam Driver goes looking for Liam Neeson and proselytize to the heathens in Japan. The persecution that follows provides a stations of the cross for the priest who enters his crisis of faith. There’s some dodgy CGI and some wonderfully inventive direction. But the ambiguity of the novel has its hand tipped with a clumsy last shot and dedication.

For more Reviews, Click Here.

HACKSAW RIDGE – REVIEW

HACKSAW RIDGE – REVIEW: Andrew Garfield plays pacifist superhero in bloody World War 2 drama.

Mel Gibson returns to blood and violence with a have-your-cake-and-eat-it Pacific theater war movie. Andrew Garfield stars as the pacifist stretcher-bearer Desmond Doss. Having volunteered to join the army at the outbreak of the Second World War, Doss refuses to carry a rifle, much to the consternation and then fury of his comrades and superiors. Vince Vaughn, who plays Vince Vaughn giving up smoking, is a sergeant with a particular grievance against him. However, once on the battlefield Doss’s heroism proves divinely inspired and life-saving.

Hacksaw Ridge is going for the same ideological spill-over that proved such a success for Clint Eastwood’s American Sniper. Those who like war will like it, those who don’t like war will like it and those who say they don’t like war but secretly kind of do will love it. There’s muscular Christianity, muscularity generally and blood and guts galore. Garfield is good as a ‘holy fool’ whose pacifism seems to be reductively inspired by an aversion to his abusive father. Gibson seems to like him as a saintly character that you don’t really need to feel any need to imitate.

This is an insanely dishonest movie and as such will be hugely popular.

Oscar glory beckons.

For more Reviews, Click Here.