VAN SANT EXORCIST REMAKE IN B&W GREENLIT

GREENLIT – A Gus Van Sant Exorcist remake in black and white has been greenlit. Following the runaway success of the director’s Psycho remake, the Van Sant Exorcist remake is to be a black and white, shot for shot version. The Exec caught up with the director at Exec HQ to find out more.

So, Gus Van Sant, an Exorcist remake. Where did you get that idea?

‘Look man, we made so much fucking money with my Psycho remake, we didn’t know what to do with all that cash. It was a huge smash hit, ya dig? So anyway, there I was with my manager, floating in our money swimming pool when we heard about these Exorcist sequels with Ellen Burstyn on board. Me and my manager looked at each other with dollar signs in our eyes. We both said at the same time, ‘THE POWER OF CASH COMPELS YOU!’ It’s as simple as that.

Will Your Remake Be A Part Of These New Films?

If they make any kind of decent green, then yes, of course we’re part of the franchise. If they don’t, no fucking way man, ours is a stand-alone remake.

Have You Cast The Film Yet?

Yeah, you betcha we have. We got Andrew Scott playing Father Karras. Because who don’t love a sexy priest? I’ve seen Fleabag. People go wild for that shit. Brian Cox will play Father Merrin, but we’ll just get him to shout ‘Oh, fuck off!’ throughout the exorcism. You know, just like he does in that Meme-GIF thing. And we got Macauley Culkin playing Regan.

Is Regan Going To Be A Grown Man In This Version?

No. What do you mean?

Well, Regan Is A Little Girl In The Original. And Culkin is male. A grown man.

No he isn’t. He’s that cute little boy that gets left home alone in that movie… I can’t remember the name of it now.

Home Alone.

I know he is. I just said that, but what’s the name of the movie?

 

It’s Home A… Never Mind. Forget It.

The Exorcist Redux Starts Shooting In 2022.

CADDYSHACK REMAKE LINES UP ANDY SERKIS

HOLLYWOOD – Andy Serkis is to star in the upcoming Caddyshack remake.

The Caddyshack remake will star Andy Serkis and directed by Gus Van Sant. The Lord Of The Rings star will don the mocap suit to play the cuddly Gopher. Andy found fame as Gollum in the Lord Of The Rings films. As a result of his genius for motion capture, Serkis went on to star as Caesar in the Of The Of The Of The Apes Trilogy. Serkis will star in a shot for shot remake of the 80s classic comedy as Caddyshack celebrates its 40th anniversary this year. Gus Van Sant will direct the film because of the runaway success of his shot for shot remake of Psycho. 

‘We’re delighted Andy will join us to battle with his character’s nemesis, a greenskeeper called Carl Speckler.’ said Van Sant, ‘Back in the 80s, the role was played by Bill Murray. With Speckler played by Rob Schneider in this version. We chose him because is such a funny man. It’s going to be side splitting.’

‘Jason Sudeikis will join the cast as playboy millionaire, Ty Webb. Chevy Chase played the role of Webb in the 80s. Because of that, Chevy will play Judge Smails, the right wing, hot headed judge.’

‘Because we have such a great cast, Caddyshack will be the summer smash of the year, I guarantee it and we wont stop there. As a result of it’s success we will use it to launch a whole new cinematic universe. The Old Film Remake Universe or OFRU will challenge any old crap Marvel or DC has out there. So, we have several films all ready to go like Kramer Vs Kramer, Weird Science, Klute and A Nightmare On Elm Street.’ I told Van Sant that Elm Street had recently been remade with Jackie Earle Hayley as Freddie Krueger. As a result, Van Sant did not react well. ‘Wait, what?’ he shouted, ‘Why didn’t Jackie tell me? Because we signed him on to play Freddie. That son of a bitch! Why can’t people do anything original these days?!’

Caddyshack is due for release on various platforms in July.

KEVIN SPACEY TO RETURN IN MILK 2

HOLLYWOOD – Kevin Spacey is to return to the world of movies in the role of Harvey Milk.

Following his fall from grace, not much has been heard from Kevin Spacey. But now the Studio Exec can reveal he is to return as Harvey Milk in Gus Van Sant’s Milk 2. The sequel to the Oscar winning Milk lost its main actor Sean Penn who decided to become a writer of bad novels. We spoke with Spacey about his rehabilitation:

Harvey Milk is of course a fascinating character. He’s also gay and I’m gay. Did you already know that? I’m not sure if I ever properly came out but I am gay. That’s what I identify as. So I identify with Harvey as well. Not Weinstein. Milk. Harvey Milk!

Do you hope that the part will restore your reputation?

I don’t know. I hope so yes. But the main thing is I want to act again. I’m an actor so without that I have no meaning.

Didn’t Milk die at the end of Milk?

Yes of course. This is very much a speculative piece of work. Milk goes to heaven and is told he has to return to Earth to continue his work. It’s like Warren Beatty in Heaven Can Wait.

Milk 2 is in theaters Tuesday.

JESSE PLEMONS ON BOARD FOR GOOD MATT DAMON HUNTING

HOLLYWOOD – Friday Night Lights and Breaking Bad star Jesse Plemons has signed on to play Matt Damon.

Jesse Plemons to star in the upcoming Gus Van Sant film Good Matt Damon Hunting, documenting the behind the scenes tensions which launched Matt Damon’s career.

Plemons spoke of his approach to the role EXCLUSIVELY to Studio Exec:

Throughout my career people have said to me that I resemble Damon. Add to this the fact I’ve studied Damon. I watch what he does in Ocean’s 13 and I take notes. I study The Informant! and he blows me away. So to go back to where it all began is almost like an actor’s pilgrimage for me. 

Gus Van Sant, who directed the 1997 drama from a script by Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, commented:

My career has always been one for the studio, one for me. Good Will Hunting despite being my most critically and commercially successful film was for the studio. And so is this one. 

What insight can we expect to see into the making of a modern day classic?

 None. None whatsoever. What insight did you want?

Kenneth Branagh will be play the role of Robin Williams and Chris Pine is currently in talks to take on the Ben Affleck role, scotching rumors that Affleck would appear as himself following huge internet backlash.

Good Matt Damon Hunting will be released in 2020.   

NEW BLAIR WITCH FILM IS FOUND VIDEO OF OLD BLAIR WITCH FILM

HOLLYWOOD – Critic claims that the remake of The Blair Witch Project, released this week, is actually just the same film as The Blair Witch Project.

Remakes, reboots, prequels and sequels are all the rage but none have gone as far as the new version of The Blair Witch Project, entitled Blair Witch, which is essentially the original film according to cinema expert Burt Gubbins.

Burt spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

The Blair Witch Project is widely known as one of the best examples of the found footage film. That is it purports not to be fictional but to simply be the film that someone has found documenting a real event. The new film directed by Adam Wingard keeps up the pretext by simply finding the footage of the original film on DVD projecting it onto a wall and filming it.

So there’s no new cast or anything like that?

Not at all. But what Wingard has created is a fascinating meta-film that goes even further than Gus van Sant’s shot for shot remake of Psycho in adding nothing original to the world.

Amazing. But Wingard obviously denies this?

Yes, he does. And that’s what makes the whole affair even more fascinating. His iMDB page, the publicity materials, interviews and all the paraphernalia insist that this is a new film, but aficionados like me can tell the difference by snoozing in front of the movie and seeing if when they wake up they feel happy or sad.

Blair Witch is in theaters.

 

CANNES DIARY – GUS VAN SANT’S SEA OF CRAP

CANNES: Gus Van Sant’s The Sea of Trees might be his most experimental film, a film that seems to be intentionally trying with all its might to be worse than Hereafter.

Gus Van Sant visited the Studio Exec Cannes Pavilion to speak about the film:

I have been a big fan of Clint Eastwood’s ever since I was a boy. I loved his Dollar movies, Bird obviously and Unforgiven. But when I saw Hereafter I couldn’t believe it. Clint had reinvented the crap movie, making one that was boring, morally bankrupt and spiritually tedious. How does he do it? So when I was speaking with Matt Damon we began to wonder if we could make an even worse movie. Matt said it couldn’t be done, Matthew McConaughey got involved and I knew we at least had a chance.

The reviews have been terrible.

You see! Exactly what I was going for. I was leaving nothing to chance though. I personally attended the press screening and started the booing. It was enthusiastically booed I am proud to say.

You booed your own movie?

I am happy to say I was not alone. Hereafter was the touchstone for all of us in crap movies but now Clint, watch out!

In more Cannes news:

Diane Kruger can speak French!

Amy Winehouse is dead!

Club Poulet is chicken sandwich and NOT a brothel as I was led to believe.

Our Cannes coverage is better than anything you’ll ever do, except oral sex.

OUTLAND REMAKE PLANNED

HOLLYWOOD – Sean Connery is set to star in an Outland remake to be directed by Duncan Jones, the Moon and Source Code director and son of ‘Rock Star’ Elton John, or David Bowie.

Peter Boyle is also set to return in the remake as well as Steven Berkoff, who has said that his performance in the 1981 masterpiece marked the zenith of his career.

The original film – directed by Peter Hyams – is set on Jupiter moon of Io and tells the story of a lone marshal’s attempt to impose order on the mining colony, in a High Noon – like stand off. A dangerous drug given to the miners to improve production is causing psychotic episodes and the Marshal is the only man who seems to care.

Jones told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

This is going to be a shot for shot remake. I want it to be as close to the original as it can possibly be. I’m not interested in adding anything at all. I don’t want any CGI, or jokes. I want the original cast as far as possible. This is going to be like Gus Van Sant’s version of Psycho, except it isn’t going to have Vince Vaughn in it and it is going to be good. We have alerted authorities and Colin Farrell is being kept away.

Studio Exec has learned that there is rival remake with Shoot ‘Em Up director Michael Davis at the helm. However, we hope that this is just some kind of parody film site wheeze.

The Outland Remake will be released in 2016.