NEW YORK – Actors Edward Norton and Eric Bana have been arrested by the New York Police Department after a nasty incident of Mark Ruffalo bullying, which initial reports suggested the involvement of both name calling and light physical damage.

According to a police source: 

The suspects approached Mr. Ruffalo while he was fixing his bicycle to some park railings near MoMa. They began chanting, ‘You wouldn’t like it when we get angry’ over and over again. And then pushed him around and tore his clothing. 

Mr. Norton was particularly insistent, according to one bystander, that ‘they go dark’, but fortunately a thirteen year old school girl intervened and chased the actors off. The attacks on Mr. Ruffalo began last yearbut have increased in seriousness and frequency. 
‘I used to get phone calls in the middle of the night,’ Mark Ruffalo told us. ‘I could tell it was Bana because he was always trying to do that generic American accent he uses and it’s so unconvincing. But more recently it got serious and they often sneak into my house and put meat derivatives into my vegetarian casserole.’ 

The motives behind the attacks is and remains a mystery.

Mark Ruffalo will be appearing in the Gruffalo in 2015. 


NEW YORK – After his success as one lumbering giant, Mark Ruffalo has signed up to play another, the loveable Gruffalo in a new feature length adaptation of the much loved Julia Donaldson book.

Director Duncan Jones said that many people had suggested Ruffalo ‘just because of the way it would look on the poster, and finally that was convincing enough for me.’
Ruffalo himself seemed enthused by the project:

You know the thing is as an actor, a serious actor I’m always looking for roles that challenge me and rhyme with my name, and unfortunately there aren’t many characters who rhyme with my name. And that’s really all we’re in this for. So when Duncan phoned and said ‘Ruffalo is the Gruffalo’, how could I say no?

The live action film will be filmed over six years and in seven different continents and has been tentatively budgeted at $350 billion, but Jones is confident that the money is in safe hands. ‘Sure we could probably cure cancer with that kind of moolah, but Mark Ruffalo’s name rhymes with the name of his character,’ Jones said. ‘That has to count for something.’

Duncan Jones will next be working on a biopic of chanteuse Sade, which will star Tom Hardy.

The Gruffalo will be released in 2015.