DONALD TRUMP’S TOP FIVE MOVIES

MIAMI – Donald Trump chooses his top 5 movies.

Taking time off running for President and avoiding paying tax, Donald Trump popped into the Studio Exec election bus to talk to the Studio Exec about his favorite films.

One. Pink Floyd The Wall. “When it comes to building walls, no one is better than me. I build beautiful walls believe me. And when I build walls I think I always go back to the advice of Roger Waters and the boys. I put a brick in the wall. You know. And then I put another brick in the wall. And that’s how it goes.”

Two. Grown Ups 2. “It doesn’t have the freshness of Grown Ups, but it is deeper. I mean beautiful really. Ask anyone.”

Three. Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull. “This for me was the one time that Indiana Jones made sense. The minute he stepped into the fridge I said to myself, this guy is smart. Forget the archaeology and the fruity whip cracking. Hide in a fridge. That’s advice we could all listen to. And when Shia LaBeouf swings through the jungle like Tarzan, very funny. Hilarious.”

Four. Goldfinger. “I love the bit where James Bond grabs the Bond girl. What’s she called? Honor Blackman plays her.”

Five. The Triumph of the Will. “My favorite Charlie Chaplin. Hilarious. Funny, because it’s true!”

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NETFLIX WIN NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

STOCKHOLM – Entertainment streaming service Netflix today won the Nobel Peace Prize, beating off (but not violently) stiff competition from human rights protesters and Pakistani school girls.

The Academy decided to award the prestigious Prize as a direct response to the selflessness and sacrifice of the business in diminishing the violence perpetrated on the public. Academy Chair Olaf Spatt told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Netflix has given Adam Sandler a deal to make four films which will be distributed exclusively by  Netflix. This means that the public can go to the cinema without fear of accidentally seeing an Adam Sandler comedy such as Grown Ups 2 or Jack and Jill. And it will protect the weak-minded who might even believe that some of these comedies ‘are not that bad’.

Netflix joins James Franco who the other day won everything and who will share the Peace Prize.

THINKING COMEDY: ADAM SANDLER

In the fifth of our series Thinking Comedy, film comedian Adam Sandler talks about the relationship between comedy and pain.
I think that all comedy comes from pain. It has to. I know mine does. And for it to be really funny, the pain has to belong to someone else.
This is what is called the superiority theory of humor. It appears everywhere, in the Bible, Shakespeare (think of Malvolio in Twelth Night) but it was first conceptualized by Thomas Hobbes in his masterpiece Leviathan. In this treatise on almost everything, Hobbes remarks that laughter is a sign of Sudden Glory, when we recognize our safety and strength over another. We glory in it. The suddenness is what makes this particularly funny. It is unexpected and the surprise makes us laugh before we realize what we are doing.
Look at when I slap David Hasselhoff in Click. It’s unexpected, funny and we revel in our superiority. The fact that David plays my asshole boss makes the glory all the more glorious.
In all my films I am careful to portray myself as an ordinary Joe, but one who is revealed throughout the film to be superior to the despicable caricatures I surround myself with. Guy Pearce played that role very well in Bedtime Stories for instance. My humor is quite deliberately ungenerous. It could all be summed up by Nelson’s laugh in The Simpsons, because that’s what it is the laughter of the bully. That’s what I am in Happy Gilmore, Little Daddy and Grown Ups. But I’m in good company.  There’s a scene in Paradise Lost by John Milton when Jesus and God are watching the rebel angel army led by Satan approach the walls of heaven. ‘Let’s retreat,’ says God. ‘There are so many.’ But Jesus knows his dad is just taking the piss and has a hearty laugh. And if you want to know what it sounds like, it probably wasn’t a million miles away from Nelson’s laugh.

Sudden Glory bitches!

For more Thinking Comedy, CLICK HERE. 

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT ARMOND WHITE

NEW YORK – The New York critical fraternity were in uproar last night following Armond White‘s jeering of Steve McQueen as he received an award from New York Film Critics Circle last night for his film 12 Years a Slave.

Mr. White – formerly a chair of the association – called McQueen ‘a garbageman and an embarrassing doorman’. But who is Armond White? And what are the FACTS!

1. Armond White doesn’t believe a single word that he says or commits to print.

2. Armond White denies that Stanley Kubrick wore a beard in his later years, claiming that his hairline was incredibly low and he had a bald patch where his mouth, nose and eyes were.

3. Armond White believes Grown Ups 2 to be better than Tarkovsky, Kieslowski, Kurosawa ‘and any other motorcycle you care to name.’

4. Armond White has a succubus that lives in his armpit and is made only happy by provoking leering attention and contrariness, otherwise it bites him.

5. Armond White secretly wishes he had made 12 Years a Slave and has spent quite a lot of time since drunk and weeping.

For more FACTS click here