JEFF GOLDBLUM GETS A JEFF GOLDBLUM TATTOO

HOLLYWOOD – Jeff Goldblum – star of Jurassic Park and The Fly – showed off a new tattoo earlier today… of himself!

The 61 year old actor and jazz musician Jeff Goldblum said that he’d always wanted to get a tattoo of himself ever since he was a struggling theatre actor over forty years ago.

People told me not to do it because if I ever had to do a nude scene, or even take my shirt off it would be distracting. And that was true when David Cronenberg got me to strip for The Fly he said straight away ‘Thank God you don’t have a tattoo of yourself. That would be really distracting!’ So I was lucky I hadn’t done it, but nowadays no one wants me to take my shirt off so I figure I’m safe. Unless maybe Wes Anderson asks me but in that case he’ll love it. He’ll think it’s quirky.

The reception to the news was predictably explosive with some calling for Goldblum to resign from whatever it is he actually does.

I’ve always been a controversial figure. I uhm tend to provoke a reaction wherever I go. Uhm, you see, I have so much … I guess you’d call it personality. I have a lot of that. When it came uhm to chooooosing a tattoo, my wife, Emily, said, hey! Why not get one of yourself? And as ever she was right. I remembered my dream and here we are. 

Jeff Goldblum is currently appearing.

ZOOEY DESCHANEL SIGNS UP FOR QUIRKY QUIRKY KOOK QUIRK

NEW YORK – The New Girl herself Zooey Deschanel is to star in Wes Anderson‘s post- The Grand Budapest Hotel offering: Quirky Quirky Kook Quirk.

For the first time Anderson will be working from a script by another writer, a much touted script by the Duplass brothers.

The Studio Exec has it on good authority the screenplay was doing the rounds of the studios for three years. However, many believed the level of quirk was so high as to render the property ‘practically unfilmable’. Then Anderson got hold of it, tapped his heels and phoned Bill Murray. His motto: ‘if it quirks, it works!’

Zooey Deschanel will join Anderson regulars Jason Schwartzman, the Wilson brothers, Brian Cox, Willem Dafoe and Angelica Houston. Anderson told fans to expect an eclectic mix of music, highly stylized sets, an arch acting style, postmodern self-awareness. Although laughs will be few and far between, ‘there will be much to smile wryly at.’

Anderson answered critics who say that he’s reached a creative cul-de-sac in impenetrable French.

new comedy film

 

Quirky Quirky Kook Quirk will be released in time for everyone to feel really pleased with themselves. 

POMPEII RECEIVES RECORD NUMBER OF OSCAR NOMINATIONS

HOLLYWOOD – As predicted Paul Thomas Anderson’s gladiator/disaster movie, Pompeii, is dominating the Oscars nominations with over thirty nods.

Read the Oscar nominations in full below.

Best picture

Pompeii

A Million Ways to Die in the West

Pompeii

Dumb and Dumber To

Pompeii

Left Behind

Pompeii

The Grand Budapest Hotel

Pompeii

Best director

 Paul Thomas Anderson – Pompeii

Seth MacFarlane – A Million Ways to Die in the West

Paul Thomas Anderson – Pompeii

Wes Anderson – The Grand Budapest Hotel

Vic Armstrong – Left Behind

Best actor

Kit Harrington – Pompeii

Matthew McConaughey – That advert with Scarlett Johansson

Nicolas Cage – Anything he was in this year

Bradley Cooper – American Hangover Part Four

Kit Harrington – Pompeii

Best actress

Emily Browning – Pompeii

Charlize Theron – A Million Ways to Die in the West

Emily Blunt  – Edge of Tomorrow

Scarlett Johansson – That advert with Matthew McConaughey

Best supporting actor

Kiefer Sutherland – Pompeii

Jared Harris – Pompeii

Liam Neeson – A Million Ways to Die in the West

Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje – Pompeii

Best supporting actress

Carrie-Anne Moss  – Pompeii

Jessica Lucas – Pompeii

Keira Knightley – Pompeii

Rebacca Eady – Pompeii

Meryl Streep – Pompeii

Best original screenplay

Alejandro G. Iñárritu, Nicolás Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris, Jr. & Armando Bo – Pompeii

Richard Linklater – A Million Ways to Die in the West

Max Frye and Dan Futterman –Dumb and Dumber To

Wes Anderson & Hugo Guinness – The Grand Budapest Hotel

Best adapted screenplay

Jason Hall – Pompeii

Graham Moore – The Imitation Game

Paul Thomas Anderson – Inherent Vice

Anthony McCarten – The Theory of Everything

Damien Chazelle – Whiplash

Best foreign film

Pompeii (Italian Version)

Pompeii (German Version)

Pompeii (Canadian Version)

Pompeii (Japanese Version)

Pompeii (UK Version)

Best documentary

The Making of Pompeii

Pompeii: The Science Behind the Film

Pompeii: an Intimate Look

Where’s Pompeii?

I’m in Pompeii! Get me Out of Here!

Best animation

Pompeii: the Ainmated Movie

Pompeii: the Cartoon

Pompeii 2: Simba’s Pride

Anything else EXCEPT the Lego Movie

Best original song

Everything is NOT F*CKING Awesome – The Lego Movie

Disco Inferno – Pompeii

Burn Hollywod Burn – Pompeii

Thunderball – Pompeii

Light My Fire – Pompeii

WES ANDERSON OPENS RUSHMORE ACADEMY

DEVON – The Grand Budapest Hotel director, Wes Anderson today opened his own college for talented quirky geniuses The Rushmore Academy Educational for the Inexplicably Talented.

The school – which was inaugurated in the English village Quirkington, Devon – is a converted four story country house, the whole back of which comes away to reveal the idiosyncratic rooms within, in cross section. The ceremony was attended by Gwyneth Paltrow and Prince Charles, as well as a gaggle of White Russians and a peck of jaded jet-setting ex-wives and a bundle of Fellini-esque party-goers and drug addicts. The Royal Tenenbaums director explained:

The idea is we all have talents, but wealthy outsiders with floppy hair have more fascinating talents and are also prey to dark thoughts, which no amount of twee irony or alternative acoustic pop can successfully keep at bay. 

What is the curriculum going to be like?

There will be childlike intricate drawing, escape plans, list making, voice over, knot tying, ornithology, dog fighting, orienteering, book keeping, Asperger’s 101 and obnoxiousness. 

And who will be teaching lessons?

There will be no permanent teaching faculty as such. We hope to have visiting eccentrics occasionally offering guidance.  The pupils will be served by a small uniformed troop of Indian servants who will help their almost exclusively white wards in a post-racist way. Everything will be under the supervision of a strict but unconditionally loving matriarch with a sad rapscallion father figure (Bill Murray is already under contract) who will appear bi-annually to offer pathos and one liners. 

Rushmore, however, has stiff competition in the US where Zooey Deschanel has set up the Girls Academy for Tilting Their Heads to One Side Kookily.