LARRY VAUGHN WINS NEVADA

NEVADA – Larry Vaughn has won the Nevada caucus beating front runners Donald Trump, Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio in what is being described as a stunning upset for the GOP.

The Nevada victory is the first that Larry Vaughn has registered having polled so poorly that he was not even featured in the televised Republican Debates. Larry Vaughn first came to national prominence as Mayor of the small island town of Amity in the 1970s. His leadership was called into question after he insisted on keeping the beaches open despite a series of deadly shark attacks. When quized about the attacks and the fact that they might damage his campaign he responded to reporters:

Love to prove that wouldn’t you. get your name in the National Geographic.

Running on a platform of stopping vandalism – ‘especially kids karate chopping fences’ – and climate skepticism – ‘You say sunscreen on the Fourth of July, and you’ve got panic!’ – Vaughn has come to prominence largely because of the paucity of serious candidates. One Nevada voted told the Studio Exec:

At least we know that Larry Vaughnis friend to the businessman. He’ll do his darnedest to keep tourism going no matter what the dangers. He doesn’t like the Richard Dreyfuss type of snooty intellectual. All those things sit well with me. And who else am I going to vote for Donald Trump? If I’m going to vote for a fictional character I might as well go hog wild.

However, President Vaughn is by no means a foredrawn conclusion. Mrs Kitner is only one of many voices who still hold against his candidacy, branding Vaughn untrustworthy when it comes to issues such as integrity and defending bathing children from shark attack.

Image provided by good friend to the Studio Exec @BetterDuck

For more political news on the progress of Larry Vaughn’s Presidential Bid CLICK HERE.

 

DONALD TRUMP DROPS OUT OF ELECTION BECAUSE MEGYN KELLY WILL BE THERE

WASHINGTON – Former TV reality star Donald Trump has dropped out of the race to be the next Republican candidate for the US presidency.

The surprise move came following a no-show at the Fox hosted debate yesterday evening. Mr. Trump had cited the presence of the ‘lightweight’ reporter Megyn Kelly as well as the pronouncements by Fox News boss Roger Ailes as his motivation for that decision. The property tycoon, who was ahead in the polls is a popular presence on social media which is expected to rise this year. Trump attended an event to raise money for a veterans charity instead and despite his absence it has been claimed that he won the debate anyway. However, in a statement released by the Trump camp yesterday saying that Mr. Trump was withdrawing his candidacy:

We have tried to run a fair campaign, but I have discovered that even if I were to win the candidacy of the Republican party I would be forced as a Presidential candidate to endure more debates with Megyn Kelly and she might also be involved with the coverage on election night. I cannot put up with her micro-aggressions and I have already talked to Roger Ailes – who remains despite everything a good friend – and he has told me that Fox will not provide trigger warnings before that woman appears on the screen.

Mr. Trump refused to say whether or not he would be running as an independent candidate but it is believed that such a decision would be highly unlikely.

One top analyst told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

The man is shattered. I mean he’s a wreck. The amount of hostility he has had to put up with and the protesters at his rallies, something that doesn’t seem to happen to other candidates. You see this big blustering asshole with this huge blustering mouth, but Mr. Trump in private moments is a very delicate flower that needs nurturing and watering and a little sunshine. You know how he relaxes? He reads Marcel Proust in the original French.

With Donald Trump off the ticket, Ted Cruz now looks like a front runner. God have mercy on our souls.

DONALD TRUMP HIRES NEW ADVISORS

NEW YORK – Billionaire, TV Reality star, mogul and now Presidential candidate for the Republican Party, Donald Trump today announced that he has hired a new set of political advisers to correct the course of his fledgling campaign.

Donald Trump published a statement from Trump Tower, welcoming his new collaborators and predicting great things:

I firmly believe in the role of greatness in America. Eisenhower had it; I have it and perhaps Tom Clancy had it. Now however our country, which is in danger of tipping up with the weight of Mexican rapists entering from the South, has become a country of the small minded and the fearful. Having utterly misunderstood the message I tried to convey I have hired a new team of political advisers, whose role it will be to make sure that message is heard by as many people as possible and that dissenting voices are not allowed to besmirched its purity with criticism of any kind whatsoever. I have seen their work in two films, including one where they really held their own without the lead character.

Although Donald Trump is currently high among the ranks of Republican hopefuls, currently placed second, his candidature is seen by many as a political disaster waiting to happen for the GOP. Several business and media partners have withdrawn from collaborations as a direct response to some of his more inflammatory rhetoric. Political commentator Horse Stephenson believes however that Donald J. Trump is far from being a cartoon candidate.

Not at all. Any who think he’s a joke should remember how many thought that old ham of an actor Ronald Reagan didn’t stand a chance when he stood. The Republican Party has a hankering for forceful leadership and business based celebrity. And his new team are a crack bunch of analysts and advisers. They have also proven their worth in distracting the public’s attention both from what comes out of Mr. Trump’s mouth and what is on the top of Mr. Trump’s head.

The US Presidential elections are not until after Star Wars 8.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

FROZEN 2: CONCLUSIVE PROOF AGAINST CLIMATE CHANGE, GOP CLAIMS

WASHINGTON – The GOP took a break from being pen pals with the Ayatollahs to announce that the green-lighting of Frozen 2 is conclusive proof against the theory of man-made climate change.

Senator Tom McKinley told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We have been living in fear for years of man-made climate change. The environmentalists have painted a nightmarish picture of high tides, droughts and other imminent catastrophes. But what Disney have proved by announcing the  production of Frozen 2 is that we have no longer anything to worry about and can use as much coal, shale gas and oil as we feel fit.

How does that follow?

Princess Elsa has the magical power to make things colder, right? And she freezes up the harbor and the land, even though it’s summer, yes? So how is carbon production causing the Earth to get warmer if Princess Elsa is doing those things?

But she’s under a magical curse? I mean it’s a fairy tale.

And I tell you what else is a fairy tale, the idea that using solar panels and renewables can save the planet. What we really need is magic Princesses. And thanks to Disney, that is what we’re going to get. Princesses and magic comedy snow men, who by the way dream of climate change and summer but only because they’re comically stupid.

Frozen 2 will be released in 2016.

PRESIDENT SNOW WINS REPUBLICAN PRIMARY


MISSISSIPPI – President Snow – best known for his part in the Hunger Games franchise – has won the Republican Senate Primary in Mississippi unseating Senator Thad Cochran and setting up a possible run for President in 2016.

Snow, who ran as an independent Tea Party candidate, said that he was committed to preserving and protecting the rights and privileges of the one percent and the unity of Panem:

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