JAMES GUNN KUNDUN REMAKE GREENLIT

Hollywood – Disney today announced they have greenlit a James Gunn Kundun remake.

The Suicide Squad director will helm a remake of the Scorsese tale of the young Dalai Lama. With the James Gunn Kundun remake greenlit, The Guardians director promises it will be an all action CGI spectacular. The Exec sat down to talk remakes and Scorsese with Gunn.


 

How will your Kundun be different to the Scorsese version?

“What many people don’t know about the early life of the Dalai Lama, he was a hyper-violent vigilante. He would often dress up in a costume, sneak out of the monastery and fight crime.”

 

Was there much crime to fight in rural Tibet?

“Oh shit, yeah. There were gangs of psychopathic supervillains everywhere. But many of them had superpowers. Luckily, the Dalai Lama can fly with his rocket boots. So, many nights, he would put his Walkman on, listen to Bowie and fly around looking for criminals.”

 

That sounds a bit like Star Lord from Guardians?

“No. It’s completely and totally different. Honest.”

 

Who is playing the Dalai Lama?

“Chris Pratt. Because he has the right balance of physicality, spirituality and slapstick comedy chops. Michael Rooker will play the Chinese Government representative who shafts the Lama. But in this version, the Lama doesn’t go into exile. There’s gonna be a huge CGI fight between the two. Because Skyscrapers blowing up everywhere as they fly around in their laser-ships is true cinema.”

 

What do you think Martin Scorsese will make of this, given his recent comments?

“Marty? He wrote the fucking script! This was the story he originally wanted to tell but couldn’t get the funding. He wanted to film mid-air battles but the technology wasn’t available. People are making a whole thing about what Marty said. But it’s all misdirection, believe me. Taxi Driver would never have ended like that if he’d had a decent budget. Travis Bickle would have become a masked vigilante. Goodfellas would have had a running gun battle like Heat. It’s all bullshit.”

 

James Gunn’s Kundun Begins Filming Next Month

ROBERT DE NIRO MAKES BEST FILM IN YEARS

NEW YORK – Robert De Niro’s new film is the best in years and will make you forgive him for Dirty Grandpa and Meet the Fockers.

Grudge Match was awful, as was Meet the Fockers and a whole list of other woeful comedies. But this new film is equal to Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, Godfather Part II, The Mission, Goodfellas. Welcome back Bobby. We missed you.

 

DIRTY GRANDPA NOT AS GOOD AS RAGING BULL

HOLLYWOOD – The internet was shocked today to learn that Robert de Niro’s new film Dirty Grandpa is ‘not as good as Raging Bull.’

Film critics have almost unanimously asserted that the comedy starring Robert de Niro and Zac Efron – Dirty Grandpa – is not as good as Raging Bull.

Xavier Poulis of the World Film Critics Association was not alone in expressing his disappointment.

It’s really galling. Every time we go to a new Robert de Niro film we think this time it’s going to be great. This one is going to be the one that really knocks it out of the park, but it’s not even nearly as good as Raging Bull. It’s almost as if it’s terrible. I don’t know how this has happened.

Variety, The Hollywood Reporter, Deadline, The New Yorker, The New York Times, The LA Times, Slash Film and the UK Guardian all took the unprecedented step of issuing a joint statement.

Robert de Niro’s film Dirty Grandpa is not as good as Raging Bull, this much is clear. But what the public should know before they go and see this picture, is that it is not as good as The Deer Hunter either, nor The Godfather Part 2, nor Once Upon a Time in America, nor The King of Comedy, nor Goodfellas, nor Casino. It isn’t even as good as Cape Fear, We’re No Angels and Midnight Run. It’s not as good as Angel Heart or A Bronx Tale. So by all means go and see it, but don’t expect to see anything like what Mr. De Niro has provided in the past. Except perhaps Meet the Parents, Meet the Fockers etc.

Strangely, DirtyGrandpa has been hailed in France as Robert De Niro’s best film ever because of ‘post-modernism’.

Bad Grandpa is out now.

FIRST POSTER FOR ALL FEMALE GOODFELLAS

HOLLYWOOD – The first poster for Martin Scorsese’s all female Goodfellas was released EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec today, along with the title: GoodBroads.

The news that there would be an all female Goodfellas came through only yesterday, inspired by the wisdom of the New York Post film ‘critic’ Kyle Smith, who claimed that women ‘don’t get Goodfellas’ based on his extensive (and potentially fictional) girlfriend. The poster shows the principal cast members – Jessica Chastain as Henrietta Hill, Meryl Streep in the role of Jemima ‘the Lady’ Conway and comedienne Melissa McCarthy as Tammy DeVito, the role made iconic by Joe Pesci.

Martin Scorsese hand delivered the new poster to the Studio Exec bungalow and had this to say:

Everyone here is very excited about this revisiting of a classic film, but from a new angle. We have a very talented cast and I already have the original cast members signed up to to do cameos. Ray Liotta will play Henrietta’s father, Robert de Niro will appear briefly as Goombah and Joe Pesci will play Tammy’s father, in a role that was played in the original by my mother.

GoodBroads will be released in 2017.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

SCORSESE LAND OPENS NEXT MONTH

NEW YORK – In New Jersey the finishing touches are being put on Scorsese Land, the new theme park inspired by and dedicated to the imagination and work of motor mouth film director, Martin Scorsese.

Park administrator Russel Stamper said today:

Marty is recognized by many to be perhaps the most influential American film director still alive and working today [although Coppola is a late challenger with Twixt] and the park seeks to celebrate his legacy and stand as a testament to the enduring pleasure his films have given over the years.


Attractions include

  • a tour of Shutter Island Gasp as you predict the ending about seven minutes in!
  • the Cape Fear Water ride protect your family from the tattooed lunatic played by former actor Robert de Niro; 
  • watch your crazy reflection just go plain crazy in the ‘Are you Talking to Me?’ Hall of Mirrors; 
  • the Go Home and Get your F*cking Shine Box Ride in which you and your friends will be beaten to a bloody pulp and then locked in a car trunk and taken out to the sticks to be stabbed to death by one of Ma’s steak knifes; 
  • relax in the Age of Innocence rest area for seniors 
  • and the whole family can enjoy a steak (bloody) at one of the five Raging Bull Steak Houses located in the park.    
If you visit the park this weekend and quote this website with the declaration: ‘I read Studio Exec and I saw Kundun‘ you will be granted free admission.

JOE PESCI’S LITTLE BOOK OF CALM







NEW JERSEY – When rumours that Joe Pesci was to star in Ang Lee‘s film version of Paul Wilson’s Little Book of Calm were first doing the rounds, many said that it was a perfect fit (for more on that article CLICK HERE).

But it just got even better, with the veteran actor and Goodfellas star Pesci – inspired by the making of the film – publishing his own version of the best-selling anthology of fluffy inspirational wisdom.

Here are some extracts:

When feeling as if the world is on top of you, close your eyes and imagine a beautiful scene; a white beach perhaps, or a tropical island. As calm returns go outside and punch the first person you meet in the throat.

There are two ways of dealing with a tense situation: either accept the stressful contours of life or put someone’s face in a vice.

If life gives you lemons, stab it in the throat with a f*cking pen. 

When you rest you are a king surveying your own calm kingdom. Look at the peacocks on the lawn, the fish in the pond, the mounds of recently turned earth.

Try doing something different for a change; like eating an apple, rolling your sleeves up or even not garotting someone for just one day. Strangle them with your bare hands instead. Has that helped?  


Joe Pesci’s Little Book of Calm is available from all good book shops and Amazon. 

HILL STREET BLUES: THE MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – The most popular Eighties cop show Steven Bochco’s Hill Street Blues is finally getting a film version, courtesy of Martin Scorsese.

The new film version will star Robert de Niro as Captain Frank Furillo, Daniel Day Lewis as Captain Belker and Catherine Zeta Jones as Joyce Davenport. Leonardo di Caprio will play Lt. Howard Hunter. Scorsese spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

For years I’ve been trying to make an epic of police vs. criminals film and I’ve done my best with Mean Streets, Goodfellas and Casino, but I’ve never really got there. I mean if you look at my career, you would have to say it is a complete and utter failure. The Hill Street Blues was always my inspiration. And now I have the chance to really do a proper thing and not that shitness which was Boardwalk Empire.

The story – set in West Chica-Brooklyn-go, LA – features a whole sequences of crime stories and private lives that will be intertwined and resolved in the space of 90 minutes.The story features an undercover operation that has gone wrong and will basically be The Departed but with a retro feel and a whole plethora of English actors will use their best generic American accents.

Hill Street Blues: Let’s Do it to Them Before They Do it to Us will be released in 2016.

SCORSESE TITLE REVIEW

NEW YORK – Martin Scorsese’s new film The Wolf of Wall Street has caused huge controversy partly for it’s use of the phrase ‘cerebral palsy’, partly for its explicit scenes of sex and drug use, but mostly because the film does not feature ‘an actual wolf’.

‘I went to see a film about a wolf, possibly killing people in the financial capital of our country, perhaps not, but a wolf,’ said theater-goer Blan Haverstock. ‘And what do I get? Some bullshit about Leo DiCarpio.’

The New Yorker review of the movie had as its headline ‘Crying Wolf?’

However, Scorsese defended himself from his critics:

Usually, I am scrupulous with my titles, making sure they advertise exactly what happens in the movie. But sometimes I use a slightly more oblique approach. So no, there isn’t a wolf in Wall Street. Not as in the actual animal. It’s a metaphor or an analogy, or a simile. It’s one of those.

To help the confused here is a brief guide to the veracity of Martin Scorsese’s movie titles.

  • Mean Streets:  The streets are quite mean. 

Veracity score 8/10

  • Alice Doesn’t Live Here Any More: Alice does move but where is here? 

Veracity score 7/10

  • Taxi Driver: It is about a taxi driver.

Veracity score 10/10

  • Raging Bull: There’s no bull, just a boxer 

Veracity score 2/10

  • The King of Comedy: He isn’t funny 

Veracity score 1/10

  • Goodfellas: They’re actually Bad Fellas 

Veracity score 1/10

  • Casino: It is set in a Casino 

Veracity score 10/10

  • Kundun: Haven’t got a clue 

Veracity score ?/10

  • The Aviator: Partially true, he’s also a  nut plank 

Veracity score 4/10

  • The Departed: No one leaves for anywhere 

Veracity score 3/10

  • Shutter Island: Set on Shutter Island 

Veracity score 10/10

  • The Wolf of Wall Street: No wolf confirmed (though there is a monkey) but no wolf

Veracity score 2/10. 

 
The Wolf of Wall Street is in Theaters.