DARREN ARONOFSKY AND DAVID FINCHER FOUND ALIVE AND WELL AFTER HAVING GOT LOST IN THE WOODS

HOLLYWOOD – Film directors Darren Aronofsky and David Fincher have been rescued alive and well from the Appalachian Trail which they had begun two years ago.

Black Swan director Darren Aronofsky and his best pal Seven director, David Fincher yesterday emerged from the woods in Georgia. They were dehydrated and hungry, but otherwise in good health.

Darren Aronofsky and David Fincher decided to embark on the Appalachian trail in 2014, following the release of Fincher’s Gone Girl, an adaptation of the best seller by Gillian Flynn. However, friends of the pair became concerned when the two film directors failed to contact anyone for six months. A friend of the pair told Studio Exec:

The boys had wanted to do this trail for years. But I was always worried, because neither one of them is particularly capable. I remember David telling Darren, ‘The first rule of the Appalachian Trail is you don’t take a map of the Appalachian Trail.’ I thought that was dumb. I was hoping that Darren would have more sense, but then again he did think Noah would be a hit, so what does he know, right?

 According to Aronofsky, problems began almost immediately:

We set off but whenever I asked David about a decision – putting up the tent, lighting a camp fire, orienteering – he just kept telling me that he’d fix it in post with CGI.

However, Fincher also criticized his companion:

Darren is a wonderful friend, but he isn’t very practical. He kept haring off into the woods looking for what he called ‘the cure for death’. I think it was something Natalie Portman had told him about.

A Walk in the Woods 2 will be released in 2018.

GONE GIRL: REVIEW

HOLLYWOOD – Batman (Ben Affleck) might have killed (or not) his Bond girl wife (Rosamund Pike) in a film by David Fincher, THE airport novel director of choice.

One day gone: Ben Affleck puts on his acting face and gets to say all the lines that were cut from To the Wonder.

Two days gone: Rosamund Pike speaks in a convincing American accent.

Three days gone: David Fincher likes photographing America at night because he just likes those tungsten yellows and oranges.

Four days gone: [SPOILER ALERT] Tyler Perry is actually good!

Five days gone: f*cking men are all assholes, am I right?

Six days gone: but wait f*cking women, as well, right, can be real bitches, can’t they? Yeah. Post-feminism baitches.

Seven days gone: better than Panic Room and Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, but not a patch on Seven, Fight Club, The Game or (my fave) Zodiac.

Where has my David Fincher gone? Can someone free him from Oprah’s book club?

Gone Girl is on release.

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FINCHER SIGNS ON FOR GONE GIRL PREQUEL

HOLLYWOOD – David Fincher has finally signed on to direct the prequel to his smash hit Gone Girl, Going Girl, and has confirmed that Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike will be returning to play Nick and Amy.

Gillian Flynn who wrote both the original novel and the screenplay to the Fincher film is already understood to be hard at work on a draft of the screenplay. She spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

Everyone is interested in the original mystery of Gone Girl but what the book and the film are both really about is the nature of marriage and relationship between men and women. This is what Going Girl is going to be about. I’m going to show Nick as a young man getting his first job in the city and raring to go and Amy, trying to creep out from under the shadow of her parent’s success. It is going to be captivating and strange. Like a lemon meringue pie eaten on a roller coaster.

Going Girl is due out in 2016, shortly after The Girl with Another Dragon Tattoo.