HOLLYWOOD – Following his success in Edge of Tomorrow, Tom Cruise announced that he will next be starring in the remake of 1982 cult hit Koyaanistqatsi.

Everyone’s favorite Thetan said: 

I’ve always been a huge admirer of Godfrey Reggio’s film and not only his film but in a way all films and the things that films do. We’re very much at the pre-production stage and the script still needs a couple of rewrites. But we hope to stay close to the original. At least in spirit.   

But the original didn’t have a script, or story, or any characters as such.

That’s one way of looking at it. Yes. But I think our take is going to do the same thing – talk about the fractured nature of modern American existence – but by different means.

 What different means?

Well, I play a John Marcus, a man with a preternatural ability to fight the hoards of aliens that have invaded …

Woah. What has this got to do with Koyaanisqatsi?

Hang on. Invaded the Earth. Okay? And I am the only man, and I mean the one and only man who can stop them via my fighting skills and my audacity. Do you understand?

I still fail to see where Koyaanisqatsi comes into it.

I’m getting to that. The aliens – who are seriously the most horrific creatures ever and they have this hive mind – come from a planet called… wait for it.


You’ve read the script? 

Koyaanisqatsi will be released in 2016.