BARACK OBAMA INTERVIEWS GOD FOR NETFLIX

NEW YORK – Barack Obama interviews God for his new show My Next Guest Needs No Introduction…

Netflix dropped the first episode of Barack Obama’s new in-depth chat show My Next Guest Needs No Introduction, featuring an interview with God. Lasting fifty minutes, the interview covered God’s basic biography while revealing a few intimate details like the relationship with his son Jesus.

‘When it came that first day I had to leave him on Earth, I was … I was emotional. You know you see them grow and then what do you know there already right there, ready to go out and lead a ministry to save humanity from eternal damnation. And I’m not going to lie the crucifixion was hard for a father to see.’

They talked about a man who inspired them.

‘Morgan Freeman is an inspiration to me. Not simply because he’s a great actor. Not because of the beautiful timbre of his voice – my what an instrument – but because he didn’t get a break until he was in his fifties. Can you imagine that? All that work and it took so long. What dedication!’

God also asked Obama some questions. Specifically about the new President. But as skillful and tactful as ever, Obama refused to be drawn and turned the interview towards God’s hopes for the future.

‘There a such a huge amount of inequality out there. I see people hungry, people without homes. I think there but for the grace of me goes me. I can’t work it out. I put enough stuff down here for everyone. And yet some people have more than they can ever possibly use and others have nothing. I can’t help but feel that’s on you guys.’

Barack Obama will interview Buddha and George Clooney on the next episode of My Next Guest Needs No Introduction on Netflix.

TYLER PERRY’S THE PASSION PROVES ‘THERE IS NO GOOD GOD’

HOLLYWOOD – Tyler Perry conclusively has proven there is no such thing as a benign omnipotent God via his live television event The Passion.

Critics of religion such as Sam Harris and Richard Dawkins congratulated Tyler Perry for doing away with the notion that there was some kind of all powerful good God. Perry’s Palm Sunday live television broadcast The Passion showed on Fox last night and proved beyond doubt that a good God was at best a chimera, at worst a delusion. The semi-live  musical featured a huge glowing crucifix being carried through the streets of New Orleans on Palm Sunday, to a souped up Karaoke soundtrack sung by half famous people.

Fox’s second live musical event of the year so far, the tale of the last hours of Jesus Christ featured Tyler Perry himself as the narrator in pre-taped segments,  Trisha Yearwood played Mary the Virgin Mother, Seal as Pontius Pilate, Prince Royce as the future St. Peter, Chris Daughtry as Judas, and Telenovela’s Jencarlos Canela as Jesus. Singing covers of such classic Spirituals as Tears for Fears’ Mad World and We Don’t Need Another Hero (Beyond the Thunderdome) from Mad Max 3, the telecast had an immediate and significant effect on the belief in God on audiences throughout the country.

“I’ve always been a God-fearing church goer,” said Conor Wickam (43) from Idaho, “but now there just doesn’t seem to be any point.” These sentiments were echoed as religious groups suddenly decided their time would be better spent writing long introspective novels, or having sex with people they actually wanted to have sex with. Even the Vatican issued a statement.

The Holy Father watched with dismay as Tyler Perry made the existence of a all powerful and beneficent deity seem silly. He’s decided to take a few days of retreat and meditation while he knocks his resume into shape.

Tyler Perry however pointed to the fact that some had their faith strengthened:

I spoke with my good friend Paul Rudd and he said that he felt the show was deep and that he would be practicing his own beliefs with far more fervor than hitherto.

For more on Paul Rudd’s satanism, Click Here.

INTERSTELLAR: FIRST REACTIONS

HOLLYWOOD – Following the first screenings of Christopher Nolan’s new science fiction epic Interstellar the first reactions from the internet are in and we have collected them.

Generally speaking the reaction from the celebrities who have seen the film have been overwhelmingly positive. For example, Gordon Ramsey tweeted ‘F*cking great f*cking science f*cking fiction film, Chris!’ and Fox News’ Doctor Manny tweeted ‘Interstellar cures cancer AND herpes’.

Here are some other responses gathered EXCLUSIVELY by the Studio Exec:

Christopher Nolan’s new film Interstellar was so good it made me want to JUMP!

Dave Lee Roth

WTF! Casey Affleck is in  this? When did that happen?

Ben Affleck

One of the funniest films I have ever seen. Nolan is a master.

Adam Sandler

Interstellar is a deeply religious film. Truly spiritual and Christopher Nolan must be applauded for actually spending so much time in space to make this.

Sarah Palin

Interstellar sh*ts on Gravity. From a height!

NASA

Matthew McConaughey is awful. Embarrassing really.

Woody Harrelson

I should have used more tuba.

Hans Zimmer

Good to see it done well and not have to think about Ghostbusters 3. Which will be out in 2016.

Dan Aykroyd

Okay Chris. I give up. You’ve got the job.

God

XAVIER POULIS: DOES CINEMA PROVE THE EXISTENCE OF GOD?










GENEVA – Today Swiss cinema and cheese expert, Xavier Poulis tries to resolve one of the most difficult question in philosophy: does God exist?

‘Allo.
God, Jesus, Mohammad, Buddha, L. Ron Hubbard. We all have different names for God and different relationships to him. Richard Dawkins doesn’t believe he exists and George W. Bush talks to him frequently. One of these intellectual giants is telling ‘le whopper grand’ as we say in the cantons of Switzerland. So I’ve decided to settle the matter once and for all, after which no more talking, etc. Just bide by my words. And enough with the talking and silliness.


Arguments for God.

  1. Woody Allen’s early output, especially Love and Death and Manhattan.
  2. Scarlett  Johansson.
  3. Jean Luc Godard.
  4. The Empire Strikes Back.
  5. Robert de Niro in Raging Bull and Taxi Driver.

Arguments against God.

  1. Woody Allen’s later output, especially Scoop and Curse of the Jade Scorpion. 
  2. Scarlett Johansson singing.
  3. Jean Luc Godard.
  4. The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith and Ewoks.
  5. Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers.
  6. Adam Sandler.
So there we have it. God doesn’t exist. Carry on.