HOLLYWOOD – Sources confirm today that a ghastly apparition that has been haunting the set of the Poltergeist reboot is none other than director Steven Spielberg.

The director of the pointless remake Gil Kenan (City of Ember, Monster House… yes really) had this to say of the macabre experience. 

It was terrifying at first, I’d be working on a scene with Sam Rockwell and all of a sudden I’d feel this … presence, a willowy phantasm of sorts. And then I’d hear it whisper ‘Ooooh, I’d use a wiiiiiide angle for this shot … BEWARE!’ and I’d turn around and I could swear I saw, like an old man with a beard hobnobbing with the director of photography, then whoosh! Gone. Eerie.
When asked if the cast or crew ever reported any supernatural happenings, Kenan continued.
Yeah, especially the kid actors, they’d do a take and if it wasn’t going well you’d see them get this faraway look as if communing with an otherworldly entity, sometimes they’d disappear and come back all playful and happy and energized and I could just tell they’d been in some kind of contact with the elusive phantom.
The director then revealed how he came to identify the paranormal entity that was plaguing his set:

I looked at my history and discovered that there were similar happenings on the set of the original movie. It was uncanny! Could this restless spirit be the same phenomena? So I set a trap! I deliberately created a bad atmosphere on set one day, totally skewed the aesthetic of the scene and used a Dutch angle for what should have been a standard coverage shot and BOOM! It was in the room.  ‘Whooo aaaaargh, can I make a suggestion? Raaaagh! Here why don’t you check out some of this pre-vis ooooooooh’ and I was like, ‘what are you astral wanderer?’ And he was like  ‘Hi, I’m Steven’.

Kenan successfully exorcised the unwanted Spielberg by repeatedly telling it that he had invited George Lucas to the set to discuss collaboration on a Young Indiana Jones TV special.

It went pale and vanished as dawn glimmered in the East and the cock crowed. I think he’s now at peace, wherever he is. Unfortunately, it turns out that if you invoke the name of Lucas 3 times, that f*cker actually turns up. 

Young Indiana Jones in the Valley of the Yeti will be released on Cartoon Network this summer.