NEW ENTRY INTO GHOSTBUSTERS UNIVERSE

HOLLYWOOD – Sony have announced they will be releasing three films into the ‘Ghostbusters Universe’: an all female one, a male prequel and one featuring an animated dragon, ‘you know, for kids’.

An insider (not Amy Pascal) told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We’re very excited about the possibility of genuinely exploring all the different aspects of the Ghostbusters Universe. Of course, we had the animated series already. We just thought that was like a spin off thing for the kids, but it turns out we were universe building even back then.

Can you tell us anything about the new film?

Of course, How to Train Your Ghost Dragon will see Venkman Jr. befriend a ghost dragon which his dad and his pals are trying to bust. Venkman Jr. learns to fly the ghost dragon and in the end there is a mutual understanding as the two outsider find a common bond, protecting New York from another ghost who really is a bastard.

How did you come up with the idea?

Well, we were in talks with Dreamworks about doing a co-production on something and they had this script for How to Train Your Dragon 3, but they weren’t 100 percent happy with it. They felt the quality was really falling off and it was going to be difficult to hook audiences for the third time around. Then someone – and to this day we don’t know who – said Ghostbusters, really quiet like. It was magical, we all actually heard a ca-ching! sound like God was blessing us. With money.

How to Train your Ghost-Dragon will be released in 2016.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor

NEW ALIEN FILM WILL ALSO STAR SPIDER-MAN

HOLLYWOOD – District 9 and Elysium director Neill Blomkamp confirms that his new Alien film will also feature Spider-Man.

How the ubiquitous web-slinger will be joining the Xenomorph has not yet been made clear, but Blomkamp tweeted an image which shows clearly some concept art featuring Spidey’s mask pasted over a hunter xenoform’s body, apparently from Aliens. Alien watcher Emily Zapatta said:

This is a very exciting prospect.  Neil Blomkamp is someone who obviously loves mixing up genres. The documentary style with the alien film in District 9. The good film at the beginning of Elysium with the awful one that just goes on and on with the rest of the film. So Spider-Man fighting Aliens or even being an Alien… Why Not?

 Neill Blomkamp spokes with Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

I didn’t really want to put Spider-Man in my film but the fact of the matter is we’re going to be releasing it in 2017 and there is a rule that any film post 2016 has to have a Marvel character in it or it won’t be distributed. I hear Star Wars are going with The Guardians of the Galaxy.

But how is that going to make sense with the original series?

Sense? Ha! That’s not considered that important any more. Look we’re trying to get Sigourney in but apparently she’s going to have to dress as a Ghostbuster.

But how does that…?

Don’t ask! I mean, it makes me want to go and do something less morally dubious. Design and sell chemical weapons to Third World dictators.

The Amazing Alien will be released in 2017.

LENA DUNHAM TO PLAY SLIMER IN GHOSTBUSTERS REBOOT

 

HOLLYWOOD Girls star Lena Dunham announced she is to be the new Slimer in the all female reboot of Ghostbusters.

Dunham spoke to the Studio Exec about what she has planned for the character.

Hey Lena, congrats on the gig. How do you re-invent such a classic character?

I hate to sound all ‘actory’ but for me it’s like that thing where actors say putting on the character’s shoes gets them in the zone…same thing, but shit loads of slime, I’m dripping right now.

Is it helping?

I think so, I’ve tried sneaking into friends houses in the middle of the night and, like, standing at the foot of their bed moaning, without the slime it would look like either a mental breakdown or a heavy come-on. And it’s just that kind of psycho sexual ambiguity that has really helped me tap into the core of the character.

Where are you getting the slime?

Jack Nicholson hooked me up initially, he’s the go to guy for a lot of viscous material at short notice. But you wear it long enough you start to produce your own unique bacteria culture and it forms independently. I’ll be producing my own slime entirely by the time shooting starts.

Ghostbusters 3 will be released some time in the next future.

DAN AYKROYD’S VODKA IS ‘SALTY WATER’

NEWFOUNDLAND – Ghostbuster, Blues Brother and now spirits manufacturer Dan Aykroyd has been accused of bottling and selling salty water and labelling it as vodka.

The accusation came after years of trade as Dan Aykroyd secretly formulated a recipe for what he called the purest essence of vodka in 2007. Packaged in a crystal skull in honor of the one bad Indiana Jones film – Aykroyd appeared briefly in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom – the transparent liquid was labelled as being pure additive free vodka, which was also gluten free and certified kosher.

Vodka aficionado Mary Stopes said:

At first we of the vodka community were blown away that Ghostbuster and Blues Brother, Dan Aykroyd was deigning us with his presence. No one wanted to criticise him, despite the fact that his crystal skull vodka was really salty and no one seemed to get drunk when they drank it. You have to understand that vodka experts tend to me quite lonely people with really unhealthy lifestyles, so any shred of glamour we can get we pick up with both hands. We’ve been drinking his salt water for years now, but finally it’s time we joined together and said, Dan, this isn’t vodka. It’s possibly sea water, or it could be water you cooked your pasta in.

A close associate of Aykroyd anonymously stated that ‘Dan is a follower of homoeopathy and believes that the memory of vodka exists somewhere in the salty water. That means you can gain the same effects of vodka but without the sclerosis. And you can drive!’

Since this article was published everything it contains has been found to be untrue and potentially ruinously libellous. 

 

GHOSTBUSTERS 4 GREEN LIT

HOLLYWOOD – Grab your Proton Packs because The Ghostbusters are back!

The Studio Exec can exclusively reveal that a brand new live-action Ghostbusters film will start shooting later this year and the long-awaited sequel will be released in December 2014. Ivan Reitman will once again be at the helm and the entire original cast WILL be returning, INCLUDING Bill Murray!

But, there’s a catch. The film will be Ghostbusters 4, NOT 3.

Confused? 

Dan Aykroyd explains:

We spent far too much time trying to come up with a good idea for a third film that everyone could get behind and commit to. But we just couldn’t agree on a story. Bill was in, then he was out, then he was in again, then he was out again. And frankly none of us wanted to go ahead unless everyone was fully on board. But then Ivan and I came up with a fantastic idea for a FOURTH instalment which everyone simply loved, so we’re going to go ahead and do that instead.


Ghostbusters 4 Ever will tell the story of the old team (Venkman, Stantz, Spengler and Zeddmore) planning for their retirement and taking on the challenge of training in their young, fresh-faced replacements. No official word on casting yet but Aykroyd hinted that Bradley Cooper, Liam Neeson, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson and Sharlto Copley are strong contenders for the roles. Jessica Biel is also rumoured to be playing the role of the Ghostbusters’ new young secretary and Patrick Wilson is the hot contender to play the villain.

When we pointed out to Aykroyd that this was the exact same cast as 2010’s The A-Team, he replied, “Aw, shit. Really?”

Ghostbusters 4 Ever will be in theatres December 2014.

DAN AYKROYD BREAKS DOWN OVER GHOSTBUSTERS 3

NEW YORK – The world’s most famous Canadian (after Mordechai Richler, Leonard Cohen, Margaret Attwood, William Shatner and Keanu Reeves) Dan Aykroyd broke down on the late night talk show Letterman when asked about plans for a forthcoming Ghostbusters sequel.
A bewildered Letterman watched as the thin Blues Brother burst into tears and started tearing the buttons off his shirt, ‘What’s the fucking point? Bill doesn’t want to do it, nobody wants to see it,’ Aykroyd said. ‘It will be the Blues Brothers 2000 all over again.’


Aykroyd then curled up into a ball on the famous sofa and emitted animal like wails that ‘spoke of a pain so deep as to eschew the articulation of this our broken language’ said one surprisingly erudite audience member. Akyroyd’s appearance, however, might never be seen as a cable was cut and the show had to be taped again. 

Representatives for Mr Aykroyd denied the burst of clarity had taken place, arguing that it was more likely there was some sort of mass delusion rather than Dan Aykroyd admitting that making a follow up to a film made in 1989 (Ghostbusters II the Empire Strikes Back of the trilogy) would be a waste of time and money. 

Ghostbusters 3 will be released in 2015.