Are you interviewing yourself again?

Yes. Yes I am.



Because writing reviews is extremely dull, pointless and unsatisfying.


True dat. So what did you think of Ghostbusters?

It was alright. Entertaining enough for the first hour then it ran out of steam. Kate McKinnon was exceptionally charismatic and she was by far the biggest positive.


What did you think of the cameos?

Pointless, wasted, uninspired.


Anything else to add?

I’m pleased that it wasn’t the disaster a lot of people expected it to be but some of the generous reviews floating around are ridiculous. I still don’t understand the appeal of Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy has been better. I can’t comment on Leslie Jones as I don’t know her previous work, but a lot of her jokes fell flat. Yes, there were some amusing moments but generally, the script was weak. I have no idea how many drafts were rejected before they settled on the one they shot but they chose…poorly.


So it’s not worth seeing?

You should see it for Kate McKinnon’s star-making turn alone. Also, it’s worth remembering that I am a man. If I was a woman watching four female action stars on the screen, my joy could easily overwhelm my critical faculties. I appreciate that. There are not enough female roles of this ilk and hopefully, this will lead to more.


What about men giving it four and five star reviews?

A bunch of f*cking idiots overcome with liberal guilt. If a reviewer on my staff gave Ghostbusters four stars, I’d slap them about the head. If they gave it five, you’d never find the body.


Anything else?

The final ghost was very poor and aiming the proton cannons at his crotch…well. Let’s just say there were little swipes at men all the way though and I look forward to the day a female driven movie doesn’t feel it has to play that game.


Great. Is that it?

Did I mention how good Kate McKinnon is?


Several times.

I think I’m in love with her.


Well that’s going to piss off the militant feminists. Also, she’s a lesbian.

Can’t a hetrosexual man be in love with a lesbian?


Er…let me check the rulebook.

What rulebook?


It’s like an unofficial social media rulebook that changes on a daily basis. So, it looks like a hetrosexual man professing his love for a Lesbian is not okay.

What if I just say that I like her very much?


Sorry, people will still think you’re weird and creepy.

What if I say I admire her because she’s very talented?


Hmm, they’ll think you’re just saying that.

So what can I say?


Absolutely nothing. You’re a straight man. A relic of a bygone era. Little more than a primitive beast.



Sorry. Now go back to your cave, jerk off and pretend you’re still relevant. Oh, and if you’re going to throw your own shit around, try not to get any in your eyes. 


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HOLLYWOOD – A bunch of men who are furious at the all female remake of beloved mediochre comedy Ghostbusters have started weeping, it was revealed today.

As the day draws close that will see the release of the Ghostbusters remake starring Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones, men very angry have started to go to the bathroom to have little cries.

Ted Nungent told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

It’s not fair. They ruin everything, with their dresses and periods. It’ll probably end up being like some kind of tea party.  I know that if I catch myself having a few sniffles it isn’t my fault. So sometimes I just go somewhere quiet all by myself and bawl my eyes out.

Stephen Baldwin was also furious, but frustrated as to where he put his anger his voice broke into a tremulous whisper and he blinked away the streaming tears:

Ghostbusters for most men of my generation was our Vietnam. And to remake it with ovaries and vulvas and useful nipples… it’s like you’re spitting on the memory of all those men who died making Ghostbusters and Ghsotbusters 2.

Dan Aykroyd, who starred in the original film, said that he sympathized with the reactions of some men.

I’ve seen the movie and I know it is really good, but I understand how meaningful Ghostbusters is to many men and anyway we all need to cry. I remember when we made Dragnet – I cried all year. I was dehydrated I cried so much.

Ghostbusters will be released in July.


HOLLYWOOD – The new Ghostbusters movie got its first trailer this week and the internet did a back flip and two treble double nelsons in delight.

The Studio Exec watched the new Ghostbusters remake with some trepidation and was ready to find all the Easter eggs and other goodies hidden in Paul Feig’s take on the classic 80’s paranormal comedy starring Dan Aykroyd and Bill Murray. We discovered the secret Easter Eggs and here they are. All five of them.

  1. The Ghostbusters are WOMEN! This is unbelievable. I mean… women! Talk about crossing the Goddamned streams.  Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy’s particle physicists join with Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones, the latter is not well educated but brings sass because she is ‘black’.
  2. There are no men Ghostbusters, but just women. Thor is a nerdy janitor!
  3. The women Ghostbusters get puked on by the Slimer, just to show that women can do the same sort of brain dead comedy gunk as the men.
  4. They drive an extremely similar car; the black actor is still the only non-scientist and graffiti is used to consign some sort of ‘street’ legitimacy to the whole proceeding. And I know this is not strictly legitimate and we haven’t seen enough to properly judge, but good Christ it really does look like comedy by committee and as funny as a very small coffin. These are talented people who are very creative and I’m sure that the film is going to be wonderful, but I do wish they were making their own film, their own idea, which would then be rebooted twenty years from now.
  5. There are no Easter Eggs. Easter Eggs are made of chocolate and there is often a gift or something inside. I watched the trailer three times and I’ll be buggered with a rusty rod if I found even one.

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