DAENERYS TARGARYEN TIMELINE

HOLLYWOOD – Wanting to catch up with Game of Thrones but can’t be bothered watching the show?

Here at the Studio Exec we are providing a complete timeline to all the characters you need to know to enjoy Season Five. In our first guide here’s Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons played by Emilia Clarke.

Season One

Daenerys is in Essos, gets some dragons.

Season Two

Daenrys is still in Essos, still has dragons.

Season Three

Daenerys, Essos, dragons.

Season Four

Daenerys is in Essos (not Westeros) with dragons.

Season Five

The season opens with Daenerys in Essos with dragons.

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GAME OF THRONES GUIDE FOR NOVICES

WESTEROS – So everyone has been talking about Game of Thrones and now Season 5 is on and you’ve not watched, or read the 23,467 pages of the George RR Martin novels Songs of Fire and Ice.

Especially for you the Studio Exec FACT squad has prepared a quick catch up guide so you won’t look like a complete fool as you watch the new Season of Game of Thrones with your ‘friends’.

1.  When watching the character called the Imp (Peter Dinklage) DO say ‘He’s my favorite’; DON’T say ‘Elijah Wood’s aged.’

2. If there is a scene of sexiness DON’T say ‘I didn’t know this was porn’; DO say ‘What a refreshing take on Tolkienesque fantasy tropes!’

3. If you really like a character and storyline DON’T say ‘wow this is an interesting storyline and fascinating character’; DO say ‘They’re going to die horribly’.

4. When watching an apparently unrelated story taking place somewhere hot involving someone called Daenerys Targaryen, DON’T say ‘This bit is dull’; DO say ‘What a lovely pair of dragons!’

5. When confused by the mass of characters, the number of strange almost normal names, the weird places, the way everything seems to be happening but nothing ever actually happens, the apparent arbitrariness of the plot and the endless, endless wandering about, DON’T say ‘This is bullshit’; DO say ‘what a wonderfully complex almost Tolstoyan reinvention of the fantasy genre’.

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JUDE LAW TO STAR IN GAME OF THRONES SEASON 5

HOLLYWOOD – Jude Law has revealed that he has a small but significant part in the upcoming Fifth season of award-winning HBO fantasy show Game of Thrones.

‘When I was approached by the producers I was really excited,’ said Mr. Law. ‘I really wanted to be a Lannister, because I have blond hair, they have blond hair. And which actor doesn’t want to play a great villain?’

Unfortunately, all the Lannister roles had already been taken and so the Alfie (shit remake) star had to make do with what was literally lying around. In season 5, Jude Law will play the Iron Throne. Writer, George R.R.R.R. Martin said that he had actually envisioned Law in the role when he was writing the books:

In my first draft the throne was called the wooden throne. And in this version I even had a picture of Jude Law above my desk to keep it in my head. I wanted the phone to be blank, unemotional, almost like a dead space. I changed it to iron and at that point I gave up on the idea of Jude Law but they’re going to do some CGI and make it iron-y.

Law – who appeared in Inception as a series of chairs –  says that he found the role stretched him to the full limits of his emotional range.

‘It isn’t just being sat on,’ he said. ‘It’s how you are sat on.’

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT GAME OF THRONES (SEASON 5)

WESTEROS – We all think we know The Game of Thrones (Season 5) but other than the fact that Winter is always Coming, what do we really know?

The Studio Exec FACT squad graphically murdered several lead characters in unexpected ways to find out some more of the lore.

1. The Game of Thrones show is now entirely divorced from George RR Martin novels following the discovery that Martin had no idea where the story was going and had actually placed his characters in a holding pattern – endlessly circling each other – for two books while he tried to figure out what to do next. Every episode of the new season is entirely improvised. Peter Dinklage told us that ‘it is really exciting, but dangerous. You can feel the fear among the cast. Except for Emilia Clarke who’s always too drunk to care.’

2. Since reinventing action cinema with Pompeii, Kit Harrington, who plays Jon Snow, now refuses to take any direction whatsoever and has forced everyone to greet him with the line: ‘Jon Snow knows everything’.

3. Despite the idea that Season Four was going to have a peaceful ending, violence has continued to be a part of the show’s fantasy cocktail, but real life violence on the set has caused a number of deaths. The main culprits are reportedly Emilia Clarke’s dragons which have grown so large and unruly that HBO are going through tens of interns every season. An inside source told the exec: ‘Those who aren’t incinerated are eaten, and the remains are thrown to the dogs.’

4. Although sex has always been a sure fire element of the show’s popularity, Game of Thrones producers have a very strict method of keeping the sex under control using charts which specify how many penises, breasts, buttocks and front fannies can be shown in each episode, with dimensions and heft specified.

5. Sean Bean will return for the finale of Season Five and kill everyone. This wasn’t in the original storyline, but Bean had been nursing his resentment for four seasons and so producers – at a loss how to conclude the season – called him back and allowed him free reign.

For more FACTS click HERE.

GEORGE RR MARTIN ABANDONS GAME OF THRONES

NEW YORK – All was chaos at HBO headquarters last night as the news came through that George RR Martin has abandoned work on the next Game of Thrones novel in order to begin a totally new saga, provisionally entitled The Chair Contest, or Ditties of Sand and Honey.

George RR Martin was due to complete the Songs of Fire and Ice fantasy saga with two planned novels – The Winds of Winter and A Dream of Spring – but friends said he was sidetracked by a new idea while watching Lawrence of Arabia and before anyone could stop him had written three hundred pages, or chapter one as he called it.

In a note posted on a Game of Thrones fan site, Martin wrote:

 I have decided to put the next two novels of the Songs of Fire and Ice series on hold while I pursue an interesting new idea that I had. Fans need not worry. The two concluding chapters of the Songs of Fire and Ice are already planned out and I will get to them as soon as I have finished the seven novels which will comprise the new series Ditties of Sand and Honey.

A representative for HBO said that the television series will continue regardless and a conclusion based on Martin’s own notes is in sight. Others however have criticised Martin’s meandering narrative – punctuated by the occasional WTF moment – and claim that the author has given up on the series because he has failed to come up with a satisfactory ending.

Martin appeared to address such criticisms in an addendum:

The ending of the books was there right from the very beginning. I knew exactly where the books were going. And if you really can’t wait for me to finish my new saga and get back to the final two books then here is the end. SPOILER FOR THE END OF GAME OF THRONES. We flash forward to the present day and everyone is in a passenger jet on their way to some unknown destination. The Lannisters, the Starks, Daenerys Targaryen all the families and their retainers and hangers on  but they’re all in modern dress. They’re just tourists and business people. Daenerys doesn’t have dragons but a couple of chihuahuas. Suddenly one of the engines of the jet fails and it starts to plummet towards the ocean where a speck like an island begins to appear. The plane crashes on the island and burning wreckage is strewn everywhere. The entire cast is killed except for Jack Shepherd and Locke and Hurley and a few others. The Game of Thrones we realize was a dream that the character collectively had in the last seconds of their lives!

The Chair Contest: Part One: We Begin to Wander will be published in 2019.

GAME OF THRONES SEASON 5 FIRST LOOK

 WESTEROS – The paint is still fresh on the finale of Game of Thrones Season 4, but HBO are already giving us a glimpse of a new character for Game of Thrones Season 5: Queen Ilesibiff of Angerland to be played by Helen Mirren.

Continue reading “GAME OF THRONES SEASON 5 FIRST LOOK”

HBO TO OPEN WESTEROS-WORLD

HOLLYWOOD HBO have somehow found the funding to open a fully realised interactive theme park populated by robotic versions of the cast of popular sword and maiming show Game of Thrones.

We spoke EXCLUSIVELY to chief engineer, the appropriately named Geoffrey Irons (son of Jeremy) about the unique challenges of bringing the world of Westeros to (robotic) life.

Well it’s certainly a challenge, but our motto all along has been ‘what could go wrong?’ The first step was creating realistic robotic versions of the cast who could react in-character to external stimuli. Be it combat (completely safe by the way) or the … ahem erotic. 

So you can actually fight with the characters? 

Yes. Say you walk up to the character The Hound, pull a sword and call him a ‘wet knickers ninny-muggins’, sure, he’ll react and come at you, but we have sophisticated software in place to stop the Robo-Hound from seriously harming you. It’s good clean fun. We can’t stop him cussing and asking for chicken though, a harmless glitch.

What could go wrong?

Hey that’s what we say! Wild.

So what kind of attractions can visitors to Westeros-World look forward to?

We have some fun set piece events that fans can take part in. For instance, there’s the ‘Red Wedding’ where you get to be a Stark soldier at the notorious feast. Visitors can expect to relive that classic episode up close…it’s so safe it’s ridiculous. There’s also the ‘Headless Ned’ tour where one can spend some time in the meticulously recreated dungeons before playing out that iconic death scene. Of course, in our version the King Joffrey robot will consistently judge the customer innocent and you can exit the scene unscathed wearing an ‘I kept my head at Westeros-World’ t-shirt. The Joffrey robot is programmed with ALL of the characters fun traits, including some nippy zinger-laden banter with the lady customers… folks will sure get a kick out of it! 

Cool! It sounds like you spared no expense.

I can’t say I didn’t have a few sleepless nights along the way, sweating the details. Especially when it came to the dragons.

You’ve got dragons?!

Of course! The very cutting edge of technology has been employed to make them as real as any dragon ever was. Motion sensors to hunt and track prey, super accurate flame throwing systems and behavioural subroutines to perfectly mimic the spunky temperament of the winged demons. And in just about every simulation the beasts can distinguish between humans and standard robotic targets. It’s without doubt the safest dragon experience out there. Once we figured the dragons out the White Walkers were a walk in the park. So come one and all! Bring the family. Pretty much nothing can go wrong. 

WESTEROS-WORLD will open before Winter comes. And it is coming. 

GAME OF THRONES ENDS WITH EVERYONE ‘AGREEING TO GET ON’

WESTEROS – Last night’s final episode of HBO series Game of Thrones was perhaps the most shocking yet.

Everything was set up for murderous conflict but in one of the most baffling scenes of the show’s 4 season history everyone got together in a large room and talked out their problems resolving in the future to just ‘get on with each other’ and ‘try harder to be friends’.

Tyrion Lannister and his father and sister broke into  tears and embraced as Jaime Lannister promised that there would be no more raping his sister.

Jon Snow and the Mance decided from now on the Crows and the Wildlings would be ‘like the best friends ever’. And Danerys Targaryan agreed in Slaver’s Bay that she really didn’t want to go to King’s Landing and claim her rightful inheritance and was happy to spend the rest of her life working for Amnesty International and tending to her dragons. 

Arya and the Hound, Sansa and Petyr Baelish all had a nice Chinese meal and promised to be more considerate, and, although Petyr was caught crossing his fingers, the incident was laughed off as he explained with a shrug ‘Old habits die hard’.

The last shot of the season was a montage of the various characters making a huge daisy chain to the sound of Pharrell Williams singing some guff about a room without a roof!

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GAME OF THRONES: SEASON 4: EPISODE 6

Every week we are going to have an episode review of Game of Thrones Season Four which will include SPOILERS for seasons One through to the last episode screened of Season Four. 

WESTEROS – I’ve been occasionally harsh on Game of Thrones this season, but it’s tough love and I was pleased to see the series regain some of its impetus in ‘The Laws of Gods and Men‘.

This was due in large part to Peter Dinklage’s Tyrion Lannister briefly regaining center stage and facing off with his father (an imperiously brilliant Charles Dance).

The show opens with the failed rescue of Theon Greyjoy/Reek, which has to be one of the most Monty Python moments of the show’s history – ‘Attack! Attack!’, ‘release the hounds’, ‘Run away! Run away!’ I do like Iwan Rheon as the lightly voiced nutcase Ramsay Snow, but I find myself waiting for this bit to end rather than following it with any real interest.

Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) is proving a fairly hopeless Queen. Her decision to compensate a goatherd three times the value of the goats her dragon immolated can only lead to widespread goat burning surely. And the noble who pleads to bury his father revealed her moral and practical naivety. She didn’t think the Masters had families? She doesn’t believe those families might lie? But everyone looks smug and happy with her education, until she finds out how many supplicants she has – over two hundred! Oh no. But wait a minute. Aren’t you the Queen? Just tell them to f*ck off. Or you know, come back tomorrow.

But then the scene was set for the trial and what has to be the best dramatic set piece thus far of the season. This is what elevates the HBO show above most other fare, characters that we care about coming head to head. Some of the strongest actors in the whole show were given their moment to pile on Tyrion, betraying him with a Tyrion’s Greatest Hits. He was always a smart mouth and now it looks like getting him killed. With studied economy, Dinklage was allowed only to play reactions. It was well directed by Alik Sakharov, who gave the characters space and time to do their thing. And the timing was excellent, as Tyrion’s increasing humiliation built, the possibility of a release, the final straw, the most painful rekjection and then his beautifully played rage. Magnificent. Keep it up.

For more on Game of Thrones Click HERE.   

GAME OF THRONES: SEASON 4: EPISODE 5

Every week we are going to have an episode review of Game of Thrones Season Four which will include SPOILERS for seasons One through to the last episode screened of Season Four. 

WESTEROS – This week’s episode of Game of Thrones –‘The First of his Name’ – began to take the piss, or water dance as George RR Martin likes to call it.

Tommen got a crown. Weddings are arranged. A keep is burned to the ground and Sansa is once more in trouble. The ‘A Lannister Always Pays his Debts’ Lannisters are in trouble with the Iron Bank. Mining output down, interest rates up, wasteful and inflated defense budget? The Credit Crunch has hit Westeros and Charles Dance is bricking them, but alas not gold bricking them. Okay, it’s a nice twist. But what’s this Daenerys Taragaryan has got a navy capable of carrying her unsullied army to King’s Landing and seizing it. Wooo Hoooo! Let’s go. Last one to decapitate a Lannister’s a rotten egg. But wait, what’s this Jorah? Daenerys? In danger of actually progressing some story here. Okay best not then. Might be in danger of a conclusion. 

‘I will do what Queens do. Faff about.’


But at least Jon Snow is going to attack Craster’s Keep where – as chance would have it – his long lost brother Bran and the family pet Hordor are captive. Great! There’ll be back together again and we can… no. No. No. Back off. That would be an end as well. Best to go on because of some LSD vision about a mutant crow. 


To be fair at least we found out that Arya is still water dancing (which is pretty good description of George RR Martin’s narrative elusiveness if you prefer not to go with piss-taking). And we get a huge revelation that Lord Petyr Baelish is a cad and that Lysa poisoned her husband at his instigation, given in a quick pre-coital exposition whisper. All but the most committed fans were probably thinking ‘erm…’ as they tried to remember Lysa’s husband and whether this information was as stupendous as it felt like it ought to be.

All in all the narrative incontinence of the books is beginning to take a toll on the series. The set pieces are still good (mouth sword action ahoy) and there is still some excellent dialogue: ‘Everywhere in the world they hurt little girls.’ But lots of stuff happening without the sense of a conclusion, or impending conclusion is beginning to make Game of Thrones the first fantasy soap opera. 

In next week’s episode Jon is worried about Bran and Arya gets into a tricky situation with her Hound. 

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GAME OF THRONES: SEASON 4: EPISODE 4

Every week we have an episode review of Game of Thrones Season Four which will include SPOILERS for seasons one through to the last episode screened of Season Four. 


Pussy alert! Has Game of Thrones gone too far with this full frontal close up pussy shot? Or am I making a cheap pun? We shall see.

After the controversies and violence of the last two episodes Oath Keeper was in some ways even more shocking. After all, if there’s something more disturbing than a rape, it’s seeing that a rape has no consequences and doesn’t mean anything. Did I dream it? Rapist Jaime continues his hero’s narrative as if nothing had happened and we’re still supposed to give a shit? And Cersei punishes him by referring to him by his formal title, rather than by his name? The bitch! I suspect the writers just don’t understand what rape is and should be sent on a course.

Danaerys has some fun with crucifixion, but when are her advisers going to learn that whatever they say she’s going to do the opposite? Even more fun was the language lesson that began the episode. As one of the sexy unsullied learns to speak English, taught by sexy handmaid. Where the Westerosi learned English is not specified but still… One of these days a fantasy series will do a Gibson and eliminate English altogether and Nerdopalypse will have arrived.

Finally, Jon Snow is in danger of becoming interesting, as he prepares to head off to Craster’s Keep for a show down with the mutineers as well as perhaps the Frank Sinatra monsters. These were by far the best thing in the episode. Riding a zombie horse, stealing new born boy children and then turning them into little Frank Sinatras. Terrifying. 

For more on Game of Thrones click here.

GAME OF THRONES: SEASON 4: EPISODE 3

Every week we are going to have an episode review of Game of Thrones Season Four which will include SPOILERS for seasons one through to the last episode screened of Season Four. 

WESTEROS – Women! What are you going to do with them? They never seem to be in the mood. Take Cersei Lannister. Finally, her brother/lover Jaime gets her alone in a lovely candlelit setting and she doesn’t seem at all romantically inclined.

If you think I’m taking rape lightly, I assure you I am not, but I am beginning to think the show is. This isn’t the first time the show has gone all rape: for which see Sonia Saraiya’s AV Club article for a considered response. Other commentators and recappers have used the rather soft, old fashioned ‘forced himself upon her’ phrase, but this was just rape, wasn’t it? And the horrible feeling is that we’re supposed to think that in manipulating Jaime with sex, Cersei ‘had it coming’ or got what she deserved. Even that there are (Gods help us all) ‘blurred lines’. 

Women don’t have much luck in the rest of the episode either. Sansa is carted off by Little Finger. Fat Sam – in order to protect his Wildling girlfriend – puts her to work in a brothel. As a cleaner it must be said and careful to insist that the madam doesn’t put her to any other work! An aside: what is the f*cking point of fat Sam? Is he there to make Jon Snow look a bit less boring? He’s just such a non-character. And he’s boggling in his stupidity. I mean, a brothel? 


Any other business? 


Arya and the Hound almost buy a farm, in the flimsiest sub-plot ever. The guy from Dorn is still enthusiastically bisexual and gave not only sexposition, sexosophy in which he delivered the astounding pearl that one should try and have a lot of sex. 

And Daenerys Targaryen does what Daenerys Targaryen always does and has been doing for four seasons now. If you detect a weariness, you’d be right. With a canvas stretched too thin and an insatiable need to off its most interesting characters, Game of Thrones badly needs a story. It has stories, vignettes and an absorbed fascination in the ‘universe’ that George RR Martin has created, but the blessed through line has unraveled. We have no hero, no villain: the ranks are thinned. Whether the show will just jump the shark or rape it and stab it to death first is yet to be seen (though I’ve read the books, so I have a fairly good idea), but I’m just hoping Jaime doesn’t come to the funeral.

For more on Game of Thrones Click HERE. 

GAME OF THRONES: SEASON 4: EPISODE 2

Every week we are going to have an episode review of Game of Thrones Season Four which will include SPOILERS for seasons one through to the last episode screened of Season Four. 

WESTEROS – I love King Joffrey. His name is brilliant for a start. George RR Martin has taken the name Jeffrey – which already sounds like an asshole – and made it even more assholey. And that from a man with an ‘RR’ in the middle of his name.

No dragons in this one. Danaerys Targaeryan is on autopilot now. We don’t actually need to see what she’s doing, because she’s essentially been doing the same thing for 3 seasons. I’d forgotten Bran even existed, and in the meanwhile he’s become a man/wolf. Jon Snow was thankfully absent. There are far too many characters who now seem to be simply wandering, meandering even. And although we have evidence every week of how brutally dangerous this universe is, some characters (Shae in this one) are so blasé about it as to render them utterly unsympathetic. I can’t care about you if you haven’t the wit to care about yourself.

Fortunately, narrative slackness was tightened up by a great last ten minutes with good old Joffrey putting the Imp in his place. Unfortunately, he’s now fallen victim to Martins’ need to kill off a major character once in a while to get our attention. It was a great scene, but this is narrative smack. We keep going back to the drug den for another high, but with diminishing returns, and when we finally come down from the buzz, we’ve sold our car and our children are crying. 

For more Game of Thrones stuff click HERE.

HBO AND NETFLIX JOIN FORCES FOR NEW FANTASY POLITICS DRAMA: GAME OF CARDS

NEW YORK – David Fincher and George R.R. Martin have announced that they are to collaborate with Netflix and HBO on a new political fantasy drama provisionally entitled Game of Cards.

The plot details are sketchy but the notion seems to be that following the wars the new President Stark (Sean Bean) and his political underlings are shifting for position in Westeros, D.C. An ambitious young dragon handling scribe (one of the Maras) teams up with the Hand of the President, Frank Underhill (Kevin Spacey) to connive and plot in a deliciously articulate way for incomprehensible ends.

David Fincher speaking about the project said:
We’re really excited. Fantasy has been dormant for years and many people said you can’t sell a political drama, now literally thousands of people are saying you can’t sell a political drama set in a fantasy world. Well I have two words for those assholes, Kevin Spacey. 

Mr. Spacey said he looked forward to the challenge:

Frank is a devious character who is able to get his own way manipulating people with his ability to use language and speak cleverly and wittily. I wanted to do it because it’s like nothing I’ve ever done before. It’s a real stretch. I’m exploring new territories. Oh wait. No, I’m not. Ha ha ha ha ha!  

George RRRRR Martin said that initially the plan had been to make a straight political drama called House of Thrones but ‘we decided I have a beard and so fantasy it is.’ Many are asking will women take their clothes off and give exposition whilst being taken from the rear. Fincher laughs, ‘Of course! If it’s artistically justi… Anyway, yes.’

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