5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT GAME OF THRONES

HOLLYWOOD – On the eve of the third season premier of Game of Thrones, let the amazing fact dragon Studio Exec breathe a fire of purifying non-fiction into your Hordor-shaped head, dispelling the enchantments of myth concerning the HBO masterpiece of televisual umphka-ba-rumph.

Let the Game of Thrones FACTS commence:

1 The Game of Thrones television series is an adaptation of Danish crime drama Spil af Troner which starred Mads Mikkelsen as a weary alcoholic police inspector, who was weary and alcoholic until a young girl is murdered and then he’s weary and alcoholic and searching for a killer in the white wastes of Northern Denmark.

2 The writer George R.R. Martin is the great grandson of J.R.R. Tolkien, but when an English gentleman has a baby with a dirty Yankie scullion maid (as Grandma Martin then was) offspring are legally allowed to keep only the middle initials. 

3 In adapting the books for the screen, writers changed many names to give the material a more realistic grittier feel. The Banstickitons were changed to the Lannisters; Biggus Dickus was changed to Little Finger and Portcullisarian Ephmayllindyoniousi was changed to Ned Stark. 

4 Peter Jackson has consistently embarrassed himself by publicly praising the use of forced perspective and motion capture to create Peter Dinklage’s character Tyrion Lannister, or the Imp. 

5 The dragons are all from Romania. Seventeen dragons are used in total even though there are only three dragon characters. This is due to Romania’s strict labor laws for mythical creatures, which means any one dragon can only work for four hours a day.

For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE! 

GAME OF THRONES PREQUEL WILL SHOW GEORGE RR MARTIN STEALING JRR TOLKIEN’S INITIALS

WESTEROS – Details of the new Game of Thrones prequel have emerged.

George RR Martin and Jane Goldman have revealed one of the main story-lines for the Games of Thrones prequel. Martin came into the Studio Exec bungalow this morning to drink some mead.

So the idea is we’re going right back to the beginning to the late thirties, England. JRR Tolkien is sitting in his study napping when … what’s this? … a svelt looking George Martin sneaks into the Oxford don’s office and steals his initials.

His initials?game of thrones

And his notes.

Wow!

I know. Then we return to Middle Westeros thousands of years before the beginning of the original series and we see the creation of that world. We find out about the dragons and the Hobbits and the …

Hobbits?

Okay maybe not Hobbits. People say I steal from Tolkien but that’s just not true. Sure, we’ve all been inspired by him, but I would never try and just rip something off. I don’t have Orcs, I don’t have Ents. I don’t have a magic ring. So it’s totally different.

George RR Martin’s The Millmarillion will show on HBO.

5 BAFFLEMENTS CONCERNING GAME OF THRONES SEASON 6

WESTEROS – The new season of Game of Thrones is almost over and it is time to send the traditional raven of criticism towards the King’s Landing of your face.

The Studio Exec Game of Thrones FACT Squad rode to River Run to lift the siege on the Black Fish while the High Sparrow and the Mountain did their thing and the mother of dragons, breaker of chains did something else.

1. Time. Time passes very strangely in Game of Thrones. The actors are obviously aging a year a season – Bron joked with Poderick about being too old to be a squire – but the story seems to be going along pretty much uninterrupted with no elisions. Of course time is always an odd concept for the books as well. The winter is supposed to last for years in the book. Oh and by the way, Winter is coming? When exactly? And this feeling that time is passing too slowly and too quickly was exemplified in the last episode (8 I think) when Arya Stark goes to sleep – cut away to other events happening elsewhere, siege etc. – and then back to Arya Stark waking up. Did that all happen in one night? Was Arya asleep for more than one night? Did more time pass? And the treatment of time is also a problem of scale which brings us to…

2. Epic or soap opera?  Everyone dresses and talks like an epic. There is the different climate zones of epic. There are the crane shots of epic. But the show dabbles increasingly in soap opera. Cersei has become Alexis Colby (ask your grandmother); there’s a number of ‘will they or won’t they’s (most revolving around Brianne of Tarth) but most importantly there is this soap opera inspired structure to the show of three minutes with these characters, now three minutes with this other group, which makes the show almost like watching MTV and waiting for your favorite song to come on. And the fact is that for some of these popular characters there is simply no story to be had. The Imp is the worst victim of this during this season. He has little to do except sit around with Grey Worm and Missandei, trying to do comedy improv like the shittest Whose Line Is It Anyway? you’ve ever seen. By the way, that has to go down as the worst written scene of the whole series so far. There is a sense that they put it there as a place holder, saying we’ll write something better later and then forgot. The sense of palpable relief when Daenerys turned up was not only the character’s but the actor’s as well. They probably thought she was dead. Which brings me to…

3. Dead or alive? Ever since Bobby Ewing turned up in the shower (ask your grandfather), the idea of bringing back a much beloved dead character has been seen as the Kryptonite of believable drama. Yes, we have dragons and we have magic, but bringing a character back from the dead is like Superman flying around the world to reverse its spin and turn back time. Death loses its power and sting and before you know it other characters are coming back, like the Mountain and the Hound. What we felt when Jon Snow died is rendered null and void and although Melisandre uttered the secret incantation ‘fannnn servissssss’, the fact of the matter is giving the fans what they nakedly want is not really doing them any favors. We liked Game of Thrones when it was cruel to us. Now we see it trembling before our displeasure what will happen next? Maybe we could ask George RR Martin, but that would mean…

4. So George RR Martin is not involved with this season and the show has finally reached escape velocity from the books. You could sense several moments where the writers were boldly and intentionally undoing some of the knots Martin had tied himself in. Raising Snow from the dead did mean we got to keep one likable character. Freeing us of Reek was another move that foreshortened a tedious plot line (though at the expense of credibility -‘I am Reek’ ‘Snap out of it’ ‘Oh, okay.’) Sansa’s description of her rape and the consequences of it also felt like the show was trying to redress the wrongs it had done to women throughout by at least voicing some of the aftermath of what was turning the abuse of women into water cooler conversation. But unfortunately this urge is chipping away at the internal coherence of the story – already fairly shaky I’ll grant you – and although Martin was always a bit of a mad bastard, I preferred that to this script by committee. Now we get the feeling that anything might happen and there is some fatigue as we giddy up toward the ending.  But about that ending…

5. The end is nigh! We know that the next and final two seasons are going to be shorter and we know that the showrunners and HBO want to close this thing. Forces are gathering and duels are being set up, showdowns are foreshadowed and navies need to be procured,  dragons house trained etc. This is going to be undoubtedly a good thing, but I wish they hadn’t announced it two years in advance. Now the outline of what they will set up is too evident. I imagine the last season is going to be one surprise death after another from episode one onward. I suppose this shouldn’t worry me. The show is no longer a TV drama, but a CULTURAL PHENOMENON and we have to respect how it is now located as much in comment boxes, twitter rants, podcasts and clickbait articles (like this one) as it is located on HBO. The whole idea of SPOILERS which has now overtaken our culture is driving the way stories are told and this is a bad thing, because it privileges one audience response – surprise – over the whole range of possible emotional reactions.

For more Game of Thrones, Click Here. 

NED STARK TO RETURN TO GAME OF THRONES NEXT EPISODE

WESTEROS – Everyone’s favorite patriarch and former Hand of the King, Ned Stark is to return to Game of Thrones next episode, following a surprise announcement by actor Sean Bean.

Ned Stark played by Sean Bean is to return to Game of Thrones on Sunday’s episode: ‘Waking Ned’.

Bean spoke with Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY about his character’s resurrection:

I began to get excited as soon as I heard that the Mountain was coming back to the show. And then Kit phoned me up to say that Jon Snow was also going to come back from the dead. Of course, I knew that he was coming back because otherwise we were going to lose half the audience. Then I got the call from the lads at HBO and they asked would I like to read a script they were preparing. Of course I would, I said. I almost spat out me beans on toast (and yes I address the name pun constantly). I read it through and I was immediately on board. After all, what else was I going to do?

What can you tell us about the episode?

I don’t want to spoil too much. Actually even telling you that I’m in the episode might itself be a spoiler. But basically I get my head sewn back onto my neck stump by the High Sparrow and then I go to search for my wife and eldest son.

Both dead.

Aye, so I gather. Any how, I have lots of adventures and a great old time.

You die, don’t you?

What?

You die. Again.

Of course I bloody die. When don’t I die?

The latest episode of Game of Thrones ‘Waking Ned’ will show Sunday.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

HODOR SPIN OFF MOVIE GREENLIT

HOLLYWOOD – A spin off movie of the popular Game of Thrones character Hodor is to be made into a separate movie, HBO revealed today.

Everyone’s favorite mono-word character Hodor is to get his own spin off film HBO announced today. The movie will star Kristian Nair and is currently being written by David Benioff and D.B. Weiss in conjunction with George RR Martin.

The big friendly giant will have his own story which is set before they events that being season one of the television series but will not feature him as a youth.

George RR Martin took time out from not finishing the latest book to talk EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec:

We did think about making a version of the story where we would go back to when he was called Wyllis. I even toyed with a Different Strokes situation. He would always be getting into trouble with the Starks and Jon Snow. It was very funny, but ultimately we just realized there wasn’t enough story there and so we decided to go back to the idea of what makes Hodor great and that’s basically Hodor.

So what is the story?

I can give you a twist that I hope the guys don’t mind me telling. We were obviously worried that the main character just has one word for the whole film to repeat. That’s okay for TV where you have lots of other characters but we thought it might not be enough for the movie. So we came up with this idea that Hodor is only saying Hodor whenever the Starks are in earshot. Aside from that he speaks normally with a slight Oxford accent. This is really funny. It gets him out of so much trouble. The only problem is Kristian is having real difficulty learning his lines. So there’s a chance we might just go back to him saying Hodor all the time. David Mamet did a first draft for us two years ago so we’d just go back to that one.

Hodor: The Motion Picture will be released in 2018.

 Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

GAME OF THRONES 6: MID-SEASON REVIEW

WESTEROS – HBO’s Game of Thrones reached the mid-point of its season on Sunday and the Studio Exec has taken the opportunity to cast his gin filmed eye over the happenings in George RR Martin’s fantasy world.

At the beginning of the latest episode of Season 6 of Game of Thrones, Sansa once more meets Little Finger. It is one of the features of this new George RR Martin-free Game of Thrones that characters are beginning to reunite with increasing frequency. In fact, Season 6 could even be rename 1.0, because there is a definite tendency to reset. Danerys gets out of her endless palace politics and back to the Dothraki; Arya after the briefest of banishments is back training to be merely ‘a girl’; Theon is back with his family; the surviving rump of the Lannisters are back together once more. Martin’s favored narrative model is aimless wandering through various climate zones – snow, desert, forest etc. – interrupted by interludes of violent surprising/unsurprising death. The show-runners are now gathering their characters into clumps ready to do battle and some minor characters are getting offed to clear the underbrush. Likewise there is a sense that they are repairing Martin’s more masochistic blood letting. The resurrection of Jon Snow is only the most obvious example of this and was halfway between a shark jumping incident and sigh of relief.

Back to Sansa’s meeting with Little Finger. Maybe I’m being too meta here but it sounded like finally the women of Westeros and environs were speaking directly to George RR Martin. It’s all very well showing rape and using rape as a danger and dramatic turning point, but the real suffering of the characters has not received much in the way of acknowledgement. Sansa’s insistence on the details of her ordeal at the hands of Ramsay Bolton felt like a corrective. As did the nudity during the play Arya watched. First we get a flash of breasts and then a close up of a penis.

However, moving away from Martin’s vision also means moving more towards a regular television feel. The return of a seemingly dead character mirrors Bobby Ewing’s return in Dallas. When the ginger bearded Wilding made goo-goo eyes at Brienne of Tarth, it felt like a comic note in a sitcom. The cinematic climax to the episode was powerfully done, but once you step back and think about it, poor Wylis’ whole life was destroyed just so he could repair the umpteenth Bran Stark f*ck up.

As the show goes on the divergence is going to get broader and whether this proves liberating, or a betrayal of the original spirit of the books and the first five seasons is still very much up for grabs.

For more Game of Thrones, Click Here.

GAME OF THRONES 6 INTRODUCES JON SNOW’S TWIN BROTHER

HOLLYWOOD – Jon Snow is dead but Game of Thrones Season 6 will introduce his twin brother Todd Snow.

The new season of Game of Thrones is about to kick off but a major SPOILER just dropped and the internet is wild with speculation. Kit Harington has revealed that he will be returning to Westeros but no longer to play Jon Snow, the bastard of Ned Stark, but instead his twin brother: Todd Snow.  Kit spoke to us EXCLUSIVELY on the condition that we wouldn’t publish anything:

This is so exciting. Everyone is just going to shit their pants. It’s amazing. Basically, going back to the beginning, when Jon was born he was given to Ned to bring up though he was a bastard. But his twin brother stayed with his mother who later died, there’s still a mystery there. His brother is totally different to Jon and that’s why it will be such a challenge playing him. Whereas Jon Snow dressed in black, was very broody and knew nothing, Todd is a font of useless trivia, wears a vest and jeans and hangs around in tractor tires smiling a lot. Like an idiot if truth be told.

Harington – obviously excited – went on to say how the presence of Todd Snow in the show would change the tone:

It isn’t going to be as dark and dour and anal as it has been. It’s going to be more frothy and full of zip and vim. Fizzy is the word we keep using. Far less oh my God deaths, and far more tickling and giggles.

Game of Thrones: Season 6 will be showing April 24, 2016.

SPIDER-MAN WILL BE IN GAME OF THRONES

WESTEROS – Following a deal between Sony and HBO, Spider-man will appear in the new season of Game of Thrones ‘because basically we want to put him everywhere’.

Marvel’s best-loved web-slinger Spider-man is to join the cast of Game of Thrones for an eagerly anticipated Season Six. Tom Holland who has taken over from Andrew Garfield as Peter Parker’s arachnid alter-ego swung into the Studio Exec bungalow to talk EXCLUSIVELY about his new role:

Hi everybody!

Hi, Tom. So what’s this about Game of Thrones? 

I was so excited when I got the gig to play Spider-man. I grew up watching Tobey Maguire and reading the comic books. Hell, I grew up watching Andrew Garfield for that matter. But the fun thing about my Spider-man is that I’m going to be in a whole bunch of films, not only Spider-man ones. The next Captain America: Civil War for instance, but also Game of Thrones.

So how did you get the Game of Thrones role and who are you going to play?

I have been a huge fan of the TV series and also of the George RR Martin books. They are fantastic. I got an opportunity to talk to George and he told me that one of the characters is actually based on Spider-man, then we ended up having long conversations about how Spider-man might fit in to the Westeros Universe. Sony were dead keen because basically money. We’re in talks to appear in Fuller House and the Walking Dead too.

I see. 

In this season a lot of characters are coming back from the dead. Partly because of the necromancer and also because of the White Walkers. And one character who died very recently is going to come back because he got bit by irradiated spider. Can you guess who? No, you can’t huh. You know nothing Studio Exec! Huh? A clue? Still no?

Game of Thrones Season 6 will drop in April. Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

 

GEORGE RR MARTIN’S WINDS OF WINTER ALREADY PUBLISHED

HOLLYWOOD – Game of Thrones author George RR Martin has already published his next novel in the fantasy saga A Song of Ice and Fire, Winds of Winter, but didn’t tell anyone, it emerged today.

Despite claiming to have missed another deadline for publication which would see the new Game of Thrones novel The Winds of Winter be published after the next season of the HBO show, it has come to the attention of the Studio Exec that not only has George RR Martin finished the novel, he has also had it secretly published in Malaysia. A avid George RR Martin watcher (or Martinette, as they prefer to be known) Lou Aggrandizement told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY that Martin had actually finished the novel seven moths ago and had already publish it in Malaysia.

This is typical George. He is very nervous about the reactions every new book elicits and that has only got worse with the fame and enthusiasm generated by the HBO television series of Game of Thrones. So his usual method is that he has the book translated into a foreign language and gets it published under an assumed name somewhere remote so that he can gauge the reaction on an audience who aren’t as familiar with the hoopla. Dance of Dragons was published in Afghanistan in Pashto, A Clash of Kings was translated into Latin and published at the Vatican, and a Storm of Swords was translated into Cornish, which is unfortunately a dead language and no one read it.

So the Malays have read it.

Very much so. George miscalculated. Although the title in Malay read Billy’s Great Big Chocolate Box, no one was fooled for a minute. You see because of internet piracy now shows like Game of Thrones reach everywhere and Malaysia has a huge fan-base who immediately started to translate it back into English. In fact this is why the official book has been pushed back. Martin denies that he published the book already, he says he’s never heard of ‘Billy’s great Big Chocolate Box’, but he is now rewriting the book so that it isn’t identical with the stuff coming out of Asia.

That’s f*cked up.

I know. But the general reaction is good.

Okay Spoiler me baby. 

From what I’ve been able to piece together, Daenerys dies, Cersei dies, Theon dies, Arya dies, the White Walkers don’t die. Then there’s a kind of reverse that happens. Jon Snow comes back to life, Stannis comes back to life and so on until Ned Stark comes back to life at the very end and it ends with King Robert (now alive) turning up at Winterfell and asking Ned to be his Hand. Yeah. It was all a dream!

The Winds of Winter is already available.

FIRST LOOK AT JON SNOW IN GAME OF THRONES

WESTEROS – HBO has released the first picture of Jon Snow in the new season of Game of Thrones.

Season 6 of Game of Thrones is due for April next year but already the first picture of Jon Snow has leaked EXCLUSIVELY onto the Studio Exec. Actor Kit Harrington also popped down the Studio Exec Keep to discuss his new role and explain what is going on after the shocking conclusion of the last season, which seemed to show Jon Snow being [SPOILER] killed to death.

So Kit what the frick is going on?

Initially everyone who has read the novels knows what happens to Jon Snow and so the producers and writers wanted to carry on the story. They have changed some things but they don’t want to go to far away from George RR Martin’s vision. But the reactions of the fans was unbelievable and I think they began to get cold feet.

So is it fair to say that you are back among the living?

Well, there was the idea that I could be recruited into the army of the White Walkers, but I don’t think that would really work and it wasn’t what my fans wanted to see so they decided that what would happen is they would do… well you know when you break a phone.

You reset to factory settings.

Exactly. What we would do is make part of the show leading up to the climax part of a dream and then I would be in the shower and I would be alive.

That’s amazing. So how far back can we expect to go? Just part of that episode?

That was the original idea but then we got really ambitious because you know, think of the possibilities. And so David Benioff was like there were firecrackers going off behind his eyes. And I said, ‘we’re just going back one episode right?’ And so guess what he said? It was so clever.

You know nothing Jon Snow. 

He said, ‘You…’ oh yeah that’s what he said. So he wanted to go further back basically.

So the season was a whole dream?

I can’t say much. But what I can say is that Sean Bean will be back.

For more on Game of Thrones CLICK HERE!

FIRST LOOK AT IAN MCSHANE IN GAME OF THRONES

HOLLYWOOD – An exclusive first look at Ian McShane’s new character in Game of Thrones arrived at the Studio Exec bungalow via raven.

Ian McShane is perfect casting for The Game of Thrones and ever since news of his casting fans have been eager to get a glimpse of what the former Deadwood star would be up to. Fortunately for all, the Studio Exec has EXCLUSIVE access to the star and is able to confirm some facts about his upcoming role in the HBO hit fantasy show.

So Ian, who’s this character?

He is called Lovejoy and he is a collector of rare antiquities and objects of worth. A kind of wheeler dealer but also a loveable rogue. He has a small Bravos swordsman friend called Tinker who follows him around and does his bidding.

That sounds great.

It is great. I love Game of Thrones. I can swear as much as I f*cking like and I get killed off in the second episode so basically I only had to work two weeks.

Er… Isn’t that a spoiler?

Okay. I mean I DON’T get killed in the second episode. No, not at all.

There’s been a lot of speculation about the role you play already and how it ties in to the other story lines. Can you say something about that?

Okay. But I’ll try and avoid spoilers. So, basically, the old girl who died at the wedding, she’s back and she’s zombie like and everything, but she’s also a bit of quality so my character looks after her in the woods and kind of falls for her, until he’s … NOT killed.

Game of Thrones will be broadcast in 2016.

GAME OF THRONES SEASON 5: REVIEW

REVIEW – GAME OF THRONES SEASON 5 – So the 5th season of Game of Thrones has [SPOILER] finished, but what did the Studio Exec think? Read this comprehensive review of the fantasy show that has taken Westeros by storm [WARNING: There be SPOILERS ahead].

It has been the way with Game of Thrones in the past to finish one episode short – with a great twist, or some horrorshow violence – and have the season finale basically be an epilogue. Remember how in Season One Ned Stark was killed in the penultimate episode?

Season 5 did things a little differently. To begin with the first part of the season was a bit dull. This isn’t necessarily the fault of the show. The narrative has no direction in the books either. Lord of the Rings  has a really direction to it. To Mordor and then back again. Likewise the Hobbit: To the Misty Mountain and then back again (although watching Peter Jackson’s The Hobbits… well anyway.) Game of Thrones by contrast has a whimsical arbitrariness. No one is going anywhere much or they’re taking a long time getting there. Daenerys seems to have spent the last couple of seasons being taught Civic Administration in Meereen; Arya Stark is stuck with the God of the Third Person, whose deadly enemy is correct grammar; Stannis and Jon Snow are at the Wall. When Jaime Lannister goes on an excursion to Dorne, it feels like an episode of On the Buses where they all go to Spain for some reason. Jaime gets something to do in a visually different location and although it pays of in the end, it’s a long way to go for something happening to someone we don’t really know.

At its worst, showrunners David Benioff and Dan Weiss can be guilty of a lot of pottering about and then jamming in two or three great WTF moments near the end.  However, this season closed strongly with the last three episode offering some fantastically way out scenes. The finale of Hardhome has already become a classic show defining moment and the end of Dance of Dragons was a good topper, finally giving Daenerys and us a cathartic escape from the drudgery of ruling a city we really don’t care much about.

There is sometimes a danger that the show is now beginning to drown in its need for the epic. Why Daenerys needs to be caught by a million Dothraki and not just twenty makes the scene vaguely daft. However, that scale worked perfectly with Cersei and her Walk of Atonement. I couldn’t help wonder if this scene wasn’t a bit meta, considering the careful misogyny of the show. A woman might use sex but when it comes down to it she is trapped by her need to maintain her reputation and her sexuality and body can be used to bring shame on her. Nudity as a form of punishment to demean a powerful woman? No wonder some female cast members began to demand less flesh in their scenes. The scene effectively sets up the motivation for Season 6’s annihilation of King’s Landing (I’m guessing).

The Starks have not been fortunate. Arya finally refers to herself in the first person and must be punished and Sansa and Reek jumping off the wall was a silly way to escape, but Sansa can continue her wandering. Maybe Brian of Tarth will help her, or Little Penis, or her Walking Dead mother.

Worst to come was Jon Snow. I thought this scene was brilliant actually. It was quick and underplayed and brutal. And totally in line with George RR Martin’s anti-hero methodology. The heroic, the honest and the decent simply don’t survive long in Westeros. Jon Snow’s continued survival was always going to beggar belief somewhat and the show creators were careful to show that he was marginalized all the way through, becoming Lord Commander by only one vote (and not the popular mandate of the novel).

One problem with this removal of popular characters is compounded by a bigger problem. The misogyny of the show has been mentioned and debated time and again, but here’s a thing: what about the misanthropy? The crowd during Cersei’s walk of shame is a good example. The ‘people’, the crowd, the mob, are seen almost constantly as venal, despicable, easily swayed, violent and untrustworthy. The whole population of Westeros are a bunch of bastards who can’t wait to spit at you or jiggle their man bits in your face (and not in a nice way). The most heinous act – burning your daughter alive for instance – is met by no act of disobedience so great as looking a little put out, and then sneaking off later. There is no goodness in the heart of man and the only thing that you can truly rely on is betrayal.

So the question must be, given the moral turpitude, if not outright active immorality of EVERYONE south of the wall: Are the White Walkers now the true heroes of Game of Thrones? 

For more on Game of Thrones CLICK HERE!

GEORGE RR MARTIN ASKS FANS TO HELP FINISH GAME OF THRONES

HOLLYWOOD – Fantasy author George RR Martin has written a blog post requesting fans to help him both improve the television series Game of Thrones and complete the saga A Song of Fire and Ice from whence it came.

George RR Martin published the appeal on his blog, Notes on Wind and Thunder:

Everyone has been writing to me with complaints about how the TV show is different from the books and how the next book seems to be taking ages to come out and it is really very, very stressful. Last night I awoke from a deep slumber in the crow black of night and a thought fluttered like a raven into my mind pan. What if these importunate hoards who seem to have nothing better to do all day than grouse in electronic form to corpulent award winning fantasy authors, actually took their finger out of their asses and did some writing themselves? That would speed things up considerably.

I’m about halfway through The Winds of Winter. But I still need chapters 11-35 to be written. So please email me and tell me which chapter you want to do and have at it. Likewise with the television show. Now that you’re going to be writing the book, I’ll have more time to listen to your complaints, so let me know what you want to see happen and how you’d like to change it (please, no more ‘more tits’ messages; you already have all the tits you can handle) and I’ll see what I can do. Ultimately, we have to contend with HBO and the TV folk as well, but I’m sure you have some great ideas and I can’t wait to hear them all.

Finally, the final novel of the series A Whiff of Spring has little more than a title. Do you like the title? I can change it if you don’t. Anyway, you can write this novel completely. There are so many people whop want to be involved with this, I think it’d be best if you all took a sentence and see how that works.

Please don’t hesitate to get in touch if you have any questions or suggestions.

Game of Thrones: Season 5 is currently showing on HBO.

GAME OF THRONES EPISODE DOESN’T HAVE A RAPE

WESTEROS – Fans of hit fantasy show Game of Thrones were left in shock last night, when the latest episode failed to have a rape.

A fan of the show told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

The sexual violence is one of the hallmarks of the show. Not to say that it ever condones rape, or treats sexual violence lightly for quick shock value, but it is there, if not as an explicit scene certainly as a threat. I mean there’s the sex and there’s the violence but more often than not there’s the sex and the violence at exactly the same time.

Writer George RR Martin told fans to not freak out, ‘There will be loads more rape going forward.’

In the latest episode ‘Hardhome’ Cersei got hit by a ladle, repeatedly. And she had to lick the floor. Sansa told Theon she’d chop his cock off if his cock hadn’t already been chopped off. Which has to sting. Tyrion wondered why Daenerys wanted the Iron Throne – he obviously hasn’t been watching the show because there’s very little real evidence she wants the Iron Throne from what she does. And Jon Snow, it turns out, knows something. As the White Walkers that he was concerned about for four seasons finally turn up in force leading to the high point of season five thus far.

For some, however, the absence of rape in the episode came as a relief.

Swiss expert Xavier Poulis writes in French cultural magazine Chapeau:

The sexual politics of Game of Thrones doesn’t need much analysis to detect an underlying misogyny. There are strong female characters, Daenerys, Cersei etc, surrounded by the threat of sexual violence but the portrayal of that violence when it does happen has been ambiguous to say the least. Look at the recent Sansa rape. The scene itself was curtailed, focusing on Theon/Reek’s reaction rather than Sansa’s suffering. In the following episode, we see a bruised and serially abused Sansa, but also with a creepy decolletage, as if now Sansa as we’ve seen her as a girl, has become a sexually available woman via rape! Rape, as a reality in a fantasy show, of course can/should exist, but Game of Thrones repeatedly mixes its violence and sex to the extent that the blurring makes for some very uncomfortable ideas.

Game of Thrones Season 5 continues on HBO.