REVIEW – Time can be a great healer as paradigms and perceptions change. People age and mellow as tastes develop and evolve. What were once forgettable mediocrities upon release are often now viewed as classics of their time. And so we reconsidered The Phantom Menace. George Lucas’s prequel trilogy starter now has the reputation of an unpolish-able turd. But is that summation fair? The Exec reconsidered The Phantom Menace with an open mind and a blank slate.

Reconsidered – The Phantom Menace… Still Shit, It Is

Jesus Christ. Just imagine if George had opened with this one back in the 70s. It makes Star Crash look like Tarkovsky’s Stalker. Even the opening crawl manages to be so dull, reading it aloud could dehydrate fruit within a 30 yard radius. Who gives a shit about taxation trade routes? A long time ago, in an administration center far, far away.

At Best, Questionable Is Your Racial Stereotyping

Ok, so the Trade Federation guys aren’t that great in terms of progressing the franchise’s racial stereotyping images. But let’s gloss over that and move on. I’m sure George Lucas wont have any other characters that are racist- oh my, Jar-Jar has just arrived. Sweet Jesus, this is difficult to watch. Even if you ignore the god-awful attempts at physical comedy. I’m pretty sure you can see the moment Ewan McGregor realizes how bad this all is. Something in his eyes dies the first times he looks up at Jar-Jar. It’s probably about the same time he remembers he’s signed on for all 3 films and it’ll take more than a Jedi mind trick to get him out of his contract.

More Gungans. Embarrassed, Are We

Dear lord. Let me follow Boba Fett into the Sarlaac pit. It wont be as painful as having to watch this Gungun sequence again. This is what happens when a white, middle aged billionaire has nobody to say no to him or even question their decisions. This is how we now have Elon Musk. I blame you entirely George.

Watch More Of This Crap, I Can’t

At least Darth Maul is a very cool and genuinely threatening villain. I can’t wait to see how his character and story develops over the trilogy. Oh. What a sh *t kicker.

Watched The Phantom Menace Did We, So Have To, You Do Not. Welcome, Are You.


HOLLYWOOD– George Lucas’ lawyer confirmed earlier today that his client is suing acclaimed director J.J. Abrams:

I can confirm that Mr Lucas has filed a lawsuit against Mr Abrams. Mr Lucas believes that Mr Abrams has knowingly and shamelessly ripped-off his Star Wars series in his latest picture, The Force Awakens.

Many commentators have already dismissed Lucas’ outrageous claim but Justin Chang of Variety agrees that Abrams film does share many similarities with the famous franchise:

I know it’s verging on conspiracy but Lucas might have a point. Many of the characters in the Force Awakens are remarkably similar to characters in George’s Star Wars universe. Sure, they’re a lot older, but maybe ageing them was a cunning ruse to pull the wool over our eyes.

Meanwhile Peter Mayhew who played the character of Chewbacca in the original Star Wars series and a character called Chewbacca in The Force Awakens, denies any similarities.

It’s just a load of nonsense. I spoke to J.J. on set and he told me he’s never even seen Star Wars so how the hell can he copy it?

Mayhew wasn’t the only actor to spring to Abrams defence.

“Lucas is just bitter that he hasn’t made a movie in years,” said Harrison Ford:

If J.J. is ripping him off  where is Yoda, where is Obi Wan Kenobi? Do you see Luke Skywalker in any of the trailers? I love George, but he’s way off the mark on this one. He called me up and asked me if I thought J.J. was stealing his idea and I told him straight, the only thing Star Wars and The Force Awakens have in common is they’re both set in space and you don’t own space, Mark Zuckerberg does.

The Force Awakens is out nowish.