WITH YOU, WHATEVER: TONY BLAIR AND GEORGE W BUSH STAR IN NEW ROM-COM

HOLLYWOOD – Tony Blair and George W. Bush are together again in a new romantic comedy With You, Whatever.

Based on the popular novel The Chilcot Report by Nicolas Sparks, With You, Whatever will be directed by Cameron Crowe and stars former British Prime Minister Tony Blair and ex-President George W. Bush in what the studio is calling a touching heartfelt comedy about how we all make mistakes, but some of them cost two million lives and lead to regional breakdown. The Studio Exec had the opportunity to talk to the two stars.

So Tony, George, neither of you are professional actors, how did you prepare for the roles?

George W. Bush: Well, hold on there. I think being a politician has some of the actor’s trade to it, don’t you Tony?

Tony Blair: Yes indeed George. Yes. Insofar as we perform. Though not in the sense that we play a role. We are I think deeply sincere. And I was also in a band.

So this film is set during the build up to the Iraq War. 

GWB: It was a really hard … time. There were lot’s of things we knew but at the same time there were things we thought we knew that later it turned out we didn’t know but we didn’t know that we didn’t know them. We thought we knew them. I mean…

TB: What George is trying to say, if you’ll forgive me George, is that there was a state of tumultuous febrile confusion and we were dealing with the most fragmented forms of information. But in the end a decision had to be made. George and I grew very close in those days.

GWB: Tony would come out to the ranch and we found out we shared the same taste in toothpaste and such.

TB: I don’t think they need to know that George.

But that was the beginning?

GWB: Any how, that was the beginning of a friendship that was to last for decades and this is our story.

TB: We’re both terribly proud of what we did, but we occasionally pretend to be very sad. It didn’t work out the way we wanted it to, but that isn’t what matters. Consequences and the like. No, it is self-belief and holding true to your principles no matter how many experts are calling you crazy, or how little evidence you actually have.

GWB: You get to the edge of the precipice and you just have to leap.

TB: What else are precipices for?

GWB: With you, whatever.

TB: Says it all.

Can you say something about the plot?

GWB: We buy a zoo.

TB: Yes.

With You, Whatever will be released in 2018.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

NASA CLAIM FACE ON MARS ‘TRICK OF THE LIGHT’

MARSNASA poured cold water over the hot lonely crotches of conspiracy theorists everywhere this week by claiming new images of the Mars surface, which apparently show a mysterious looming obelisk with what appears to be a sinister smiling face depicted on it, are nothing but a trick of the light.

With our newly acquired satellite ‘Deep Peep 3000’ The Studio Exec decided to have a look for ourselves but our results are sadly inconclusive.

For many years Capricorn One viewers have argued that Elvis Presley, the assassin of John F. Kennedy, had not actually died but was living on Mars and shooting a film directed by Stanley Kubrick. The Shining is a key text which reveals in hidden patterns and code the location of Presley and a complete confession of how the Moon landings were faked because NASA in effect missed the Moon and landed on Mars. Watch Danny’s jumper closely.

More recently rumors that Tom Cruise had moved to Mars alongside John Travolta and Giovanni Ribisi were dismissed out of hand by ex-President George Bush who added that he did not bring down the twin towers as part of an intricate plan to do a load of things that nobody wanted to do.

Recent photographs relayed back from Mars have given theorists fresh grist to their mill, but as we can see from the evidence above it is likely that this is merely an optical illusion caused by the Loch Ness monster which was just out of shot.

WHO WILL REPLACE JAY LENO?

NBC has announced it will not be renewing gerbil faced former comedian Jay Leno’s Tonight Show contract when it expires in summer 2014.

The Internet is already buzzing with speculation as to who will replace Jay with some media outlets suggesting that imbecile for hire Jimmy Fallon has already secured the gig; but the Studio Exec has received an e-mail from an anonymous source at NBC claiming that Fallon is by no means the first choice and there are a number of other potential candidates for the coveted job.
 
Here are just some of the names on that highly confidential list:

Conan

 
English might not be his first, or even his fourth language but Conan would make up in gravitas and sheer physical presence what he lacks in delivery. Also, Hollywood stars tend to be more open and amiable guests when threatened with the possibility of decapitation.




George W. Bush
 
The Ex president has been making millions on the public speaking circuit but would relish the opportunity to return to a position of power. His witty monologues about how he plunged America into the biggest financial crisis in history and how he conspired with Saudi Oil Barons to plot the destruction of the world trade centre are bound to delight audiences. Make Dick Cheney band leader and you’ve got instant TV gold.
 
 
Jason Sudeikis
 
It makes sense to replace an unfunny, ageing white male mysteriously beloved by millions of American twinkie sucking couch potatoes with an unfunny, slightly younger white male mysteriously beloved by millions of American twinkie sucking couch potatoes. Sudeikis easily fits the template but Bill Hader, Charlie Day or indeed, Jimmy Fallon would also suffice.



Mel Gibson
 
A controversial choice but Mel would not be afraid to ask the difficult questions such as “ Steven Spielberg, why did you kill Christ?”, “Woody Allen, why did you exaggerate the  Holocaust?” and Joe Eszterhas “ Why the f*ck did you send me this S*tty f*cking script you no good Hungarian C*nt!”



Best of the rest:

Demi Moore
Lance Armstrong
Robert Mugabe
Charles Manson
A bottle nosed dolphin
A Philadelphia cheese steak
A pile of used tissues