Hollywood – After removing Gay and Lesbian references from the cover of the US release of British film Pride, CBS has decided to remove all mention of homosexuality from all of it’s past and future releases.
CBS president Rick Rothstien explained to the The Studio Exec why he has chosen to ring in the changes:
It was brought to our attention that some of our viewers are put off if they think one of our movies contains scenes of, you know, ‘weird love’, so we came to the decision to evolve our pictures in order to meet the needs of the majority. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got nothing against gay people myself, I’ve even spoken to a few at parties but I swear I always kept my back to the wall.
The Reverend Royce Stone of the Church of the Flaming Cross applauded CBS’ decision.
I’ve been tellin’ those crackers in Hollywood for years to get those ring snatchers out of the industry. I don’t want my children going to see a movie and thinking it’s all right to be a certified pole smoker. Christ clearly said the only good fag is a dead fag. Well he didn’t actually say it explicitly but I know for damn sure there ain’t no room at the lords table for no butt-hugging honkeys.
The Studio Exec asked Rothstien if he could reveal any specific changes CBS would be making:
It’s going to be a long process so we’re going to start with the titles and move onto the content. First on the list is the Rock film Faster, which we believe is a reference to lesbian sex. I don’t know how Inside Llewyn Davis got past us the first time but from now on we’re just calling it Llewyn Davis. The one we need to change immediately is Salmon Fishing in the Yemen which I’ve been reliably informed is a euphemism for a particularly disturbing homosexual act involving a live fish and at least one person of Arabic descent.