GASPAR NOE DIRECTING ROADRUNNER: THE MOVIE

Warner Brothers surprised everyone today with Argentinian director Gaspar Noe directing Roadrunner: The Movie. With Gaspar Noe directing Roadrunner, audiences can expect the unexpected. The Exec caught up with the director to discuss this surprise undertaking.


Gaspar Noe directing Roadrunner? How did that come about?

 


Is it a surprise? Gaspar Noe directing Roadrunner? Warners have decided they’re going to try and make darker, grittier cartoon adaptations. They figured that it worked for Nolan and Batman, so why not with Roadrunner and Bugs Bunny? And it seems like an obvious choice for me. It’s the next stage in my evolution as a visual artist.

 


But how does Gaspar Noe go from making Climax for Netflix to directing Roadrunner, a Warner Bros cartoon?

 


Well, as you know with many of my previous films, I have been fascinated with the body, all things physical, biological. The ‘sturm und strang’ of it all as one body struggles to survive against the will of another. In this case, how can the Roadrunner survive against the efforts of Mr Wile. E. Coyote and his attempts to kill the Roadrunner? It is one of the great questions.

 


Any news on casting yet?

 


I can’t possibly comment on that. But, let’s just say I have just shot footage of Vincent Cassell opening a box of ACME Rocket Powered roller-skates. Also he’s the only actor I know who can stand on the edge of a cliff as the main part of the cliff falls into a canyon below. He can then remain in mid-air long enough to pull out a white flag and wave it pitifully, before plummeting to the ground in a comedic puff of dust way below. The man is a comic genius.

Will there be any other contraptions from ACME?

 


Oh yeah, sure, sure. There’ll be the usual box of dynamite rockets, giant magnets and paint-on holes in the wall to run through, as well as some other surprises.

 

Such as?

 


I can’t tell you that! Ok, just one. As a little Easter egg for all my wonderful fans out there, I have an ACME weapon that is a little nod to a rather violent scene in Irreversible. Mr. Wile. E. Coyote will use a pneumatic fire extinguisher. Needless to say it all goes horrifically wrong for him and it is poor Vincent’s face that gets pounded into a bloody pulp in graphically disturbing detail over and over again. The kiddies will love it!

 


ROADRUNNER: THE MOVIE IS RELEASED NEXT SUMMER

GASPAR NOE OPENS CLIMAX-THEMED NIGHTCLUB IN PARIS – FIVE DEAD

PARIS – Tragedy strikes as shock-meister filmmaker Gaspar Noe opens a night club inspired by his own film Climax.

Paris is reeling after Gaspar Noe opened a new night club based on his own film Climax. The opening night involved dancing, music and sangria with everyone apparently having as good time.

However, at some point something went terrible wrong and police were called at four o’clock, following a disturbing phone call to the emergency services. Witnesses described the scene as ‘shocking’, ‘horrific’ and ‘weirdly compelling’.

Delirium

Noe himself commented:

I’m delighted with the way everything went. It was truly in the spirit of my film. And it was great to see how enthusiastically everyone took part. As for the people who died, I’m sure they will be pleased to have been part of a work of art which will be talked about for centuries. Or until I make another film.

Autopsies

Paris authorities claimed that the night club will remain closed until the investigations are complete.

The things we found made seasoned officers vomit. And it didn’t help that Mr Noe was filming the vomiting and kept yelling for us to not look at the camera.

Gaspar Noe’s new night club Enter the Void will open in Coventry England later this month.

HBO NEW SHOW JUST CALLED ‘ORGY’

NEW YORK – HBO have announced a new show simply titled Orgy.

Following the success of Game of Thrones and Westworld, HBO have announced a new show Orgy.

An insider from the studio told the Studio Exec:

The new show is simplicity itself. There’s fifty minutes of orgy every week. There’s not going to be a plot. Maybe five minutes. Characters I suppose but you know… It’s going to look amazing. And that’s it. We’re thinking of weaving in some other shows. We still have the sets and costumes from Vinyl. It was set in the 70s so that has a porny vibe. But that’s it.

Gaspar Noe is to direct the pilot episode and David Duchovny will star.

Orgy will show in early 2017.

GASPAR NOÉ PREPARES PG-13 CUT OF LOVE

CANNES – Controversial director Gaspar Noé has confirmed that he has prepared a PG-13 cut of Love to be shown in the US.

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec on the Croisette the shock director Gaspar Noé said that he believed the core message of the film was so important that he wanted young people to have the opportunity to watch it as well, albeit in a truncated form.

It was very difficult obviously to reduce a film with some quite explicit scenes to something that the MPAA would award a PG-13 certificate to, but we consulted with them and listened to their concerns and we cut accordingly. Even at times perhaps erring on the side of caution.

Noé denied the move was prompted by commercial  necessities which make it very difficult for an R rated movie to make money.

I am an artist and my most important thing is my message. But second to that is having my message heard and understood by as wide an audience as possible. I want to have all the children in the world see my film and join hands and dance around little bonfires. And then we can sit down and discuss the implications. The yogurt quirts and nudity and crass language are not essential to that message.

Love won’t be the first film that has been cut for a wider audience, despite having explicit adult content. The children friendly version of Mary Poppins is now even more famous than the original three hour sex epic.

The 23 minute Love will be released in July.

CANNES REVIEW – LOVE

CANNES REVIEW – LOVE – Gaspar Noé first cut his teeth directing one of those Muppet movies in the mid-nineties – The Muppet’s Treasure Island I think – but has since made his name as an arch-provocateur, with a full stock of schlock shock, so when he turned up on the Croisette with a film called Love, boasting 3D jizzing members and unsimulated full-on hardcore sex, you can bet I was in the front row, but was it any good?

No.

Which isn’t to say it’s awful. Just not great.

Electra (Aomi Muyock) and Murphy (Karl Glusman) are irritatingly attractive lovers, who have handily demonstrative sex, almost as if they know they’re being filmed from above. They’re particularly keen on fulfilling Gaspar Noé’s sexual fantasies, especially the one about a threesome with the conveniently blonde neighbor Omi (Klara Kristin). They grunt, hump and sigh, and then talk so much donkey shit about art, film, love etc, that almost seems to have been written down for them. And it goes on. Noé himself turns up to screw his female lead on screen. Imagine a Hitchcock cameo, but with the emphasis on the second syllable.

It’s indulgent and silly, and it gets a bit boring. It isn’t as if these two have that much imagination in the bedroom and Murphy’s misogynistic bullshit tires fast and leaves us with no one really to root for. Plus sexy Electra has to have some tragic angle because, you know, girls can’t actually just enjoy sex (!?) which leaves us with the feeling that Love isn’t radical, but kinda conservative. It’s not so much the Emperor’s got no clothes, as the Emperor is wearing a skin toned body stocking. Which, if you think about it, is creepier.

Love is (ahem) coming soon. 

PIXAR TO REMAKE LOVE

CANNES – In news that rocked the Croisette John Lasseter announced that Pixar is set to remake Gaspar Noe’s 3D porn film Love.

The Toy Story director spoke EXCLUSIVELY to George Miller, who told close friend the Studio Exec:

Love is one of those films that as soon as you see it you know there has to be an English language remake.

But Love is in English.

It is? Really? I didn’t notice. Okay, but still what I meant to say was an animated version. This will be the first time Pixar takes an existing property and turns it into a film. So we’re very excited.

But isn’t this a departure for Pixar?

Not at all actually. You see we’re tired of making films which appeal to children and adults alike. We have made some films – Cars 2 for instance – which appealed to no one at all. But now we want to make our first adult film and Gaspar Noe’s Love seems like the perfect fit.

How so?

We initially were thinking of making a sequel to Inside Out, taking the story into adulthood, but obviously that means that we would be dealing with some issues that we don’t normally deal with. Sex for instance. So when we saw Love I slapped my forehead and cried out ‘This is the sequel to Inside Out.’

Pixar’s Love will be released in 2017.

SIMON PEGG AND EDGAR WRIGHT REVEAL NEW COLLABORATION

LONDON – Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright revealed today that they would be collaborating on a new project together, a remake of Gaspar Noé’s nihilistic masterpiece Enter the Void.

Star Trek’s Scotty told Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We were kicking around ideas for a while. We had done horror/comedy with Shaun of the Dead. Then we did action film/buddy-cop/comedy with Hot Fuzz. And finally we did a sort of Science Fiction/comedy with The End of the World. So there was a long thought process about what to do. And then we went away and wrote down a list of our three favorite films and came back to compare them and guess what Enter the Void was top of both our lists.

The original 2009 French film tells the strange hallucinatory story of a brother and sister who orphaned as children live in Tokyo, he making money selling drug s and her stripping at a neon nightclub. A lot of the film takes place in a hallucinogenic haze with a roving camera representing (perhaps) the soul of a dead character. There are scenes of explicit hardcore sex and some gory body horror, not to mention an overwhelming sense of dread and doom which pervades the whole affair.

Pegg is pegged to play the brother – ‘it’s the funny role’ – but  admitted there will be some quite radical changes: ‘We want the tone to be lighter and I don’t think we really need the incest angle to be quite so strong.’ The Scott Pilgrim Vs the World director chipped in:

We want to make the two main characters brother and brother instead of brother and sister, and get Nick Frost in. Already the film is going to be very different territory for the two of us, but having Nick on board as well will make this a little like having a comfort blanket.  This doesn’t mean that the Cornetto trilogy is becoming a quadrology. Although it could be the start of a new trilogy I suppose. Of ultra depressing art films/comedies.

Comedies?

Yeah, well obviously the tone can’t be quite so grim. And we’re going to ditch a lot of the weird stuff, the sex and violence and what not. And the nihilism and the void. We don’t really do void.

When asked what he thought of the duo remaking his film, French director Gaspar Noé said: ‘Ppppffffffffffffff! You know. C’est la vie!’ and shrugged.

Enter the Chuckle Brothers will be released in 2016.

 

5 MORE FILMS ABOUT YVES SAINT LAURENT

PARIS – There will be five more films on the subject of iconic fashion designer Yves Saint Laurent in the next six months.

Two films came out in 2014 – Yves Saint Laurent directed by Jalil Lespert and Saint Laurent by Betrand Bonello – covering the biography of the man who wore glasses and made a lot of clothes. It is unclear in what order the films will be released but the titles are as follows:

YSL: We can expect a glossy period piece from Olivier Assayas, who insists that his film will take in the designers political activities in the late sixties. It will also be the shortest  at only 23 minutes in length.

The Fabulous World of Yves: a whimsical fairytale version of the designer comes from the vision of Jean Pierre Jeunet, as the designer (Dominique Pinon) makes a series of gadget laden designs 

C*NT: Shock director Gaspar Noé’s film is set to concentrate on torture, sexual perversion and murder with a magisterial Vincent Cassel as the animal murdering fashionista.

Yves: Having recently expressed their desire to make more glamorous material, Belgian directors the Dardennes Brothers abandon their social realist principles for this glossy take on haut couture starring Adrien Brody.

Asterix and the Saint Laurent Collection: The return of everyone’s favourite potion glugging Gaul sees, Asterix teaming up with Yves Saint Laurent to fight the Romans (Valentino).

ANTHONY HOPKINS RULES HIMSELF OUT OF JUSTIN BIEBER BIO-PIC

CARDIFF – Welsh actor and human chameleon Sir Anthony Hopkins has today formally withdrawn his hat from the ring and ended speculation that he was to star in Bieber, the new Gasper Noè directed biopic of the post-pubescent singer.

‘I’m just a little bit too old,’ said the former Hannibal Lecter.

I sat down with Gasper and he tried to persuade me and we spoke for some time, but in the end  I had to say look at me, I can’t play a teenager,’ said Hopkins, who is famed for his transformations as Hannibal Lecter, C.S. Lewis, Nixon, Hannibal Lecter, Methuselah, Hannibal Lecter and most recently Alfred Hitchcock. It would have been nice to add to the gallery of portraits, but alas, not to be.

The film – a prequel to Justin Bieber: Never Say Never – was to chart the rise of the teen sensation from his lowly humble origins as a ‘Canadian’. Schlock French director Noè – famous for his twenty minute rape scenes – said:

Initially, I had no interested in this disgusting little twerper. Who is he? A no one. But then I saw him vomit on stage and I though a-ha! This is art. This is L’Avant Garde!

It isn’t all bad news though. Helen Mirren has agreed to play Selena Gomez, Mr. Bieber’s paramour.

Bieber will be released in 2016.