5 ACTORS WHO MISSED OUT ON THE ROLE OF A LIFETIME

HOLLYWOOD – It’s hard enough to be an actor. Imagine how much harder it is knowing you were THIS CLOSE to that iconic role!

The following actors may have a career now … but they’d be icons had they not been runners-up on some amazing roles.

 


Nedry, JURASSIC PARK. 

Winner: Wayne Knight.    |   Loser: Andy Dick. 

That’s right. Hollywood’s hot mess, Andy Dick, was almost computer nerd Dennis Nedry in Jurassic Park. Andy was the front runner, until he started licking Laura Dern, and sitting inappropriately on prop dinosaur tongues during a call-back.


Jason Bourne, THE BOURNE IDENTITY. 

Winner: Matt Damon.    |   Loser: Gary Busey. 

A fresh-faced (?) Gary Busey was slated to appear in the Bourne franchise. The original script wanted a world-weary, older Bourne looking back on his life, and trying to piece together the conspiracy that made him a killer. Unfortunately, Busey was, at the same time, trying to piece together his own conspiracy and schedules conflicted.


Bruce Wayne, BATMAN. 

Winner: Michael Keaton.    |   Loser: Johnny Depp. 

Tim Burton’s history with Johnny Depp almost had another credit, when Depp was slated to appear as Bruce Wayne. And, that was ultimately the problem. The role required Depp to play both Bruce Wayne AND Batman. Depp was so unnerved at the sight of the Batman suit, he’d retreat to corners of the soundstage to “fear pee”, as one PA put it. So, the roll was recast.


Lara Croft, LARA CROFT: TOMB RAIDER. 

Winner: Angelina Jolie.    |   Loser: Jennifer Aniston. 

Brad Pitt wasn’t the only reason these two actresses don’t get along. Aniston was scheduled to appear as the voluptuous video game star, but at the last moment, Jolie had placed a blood curse on the beleaguered actress, who’s breasts deflated, as a result. The part was taken back from Aniston in favour of Jolie.


Gollum, THE LORD OF THE RINGS. 

Winner: Andy Serkis.    |   Loser: Clint Howard. 

Serkis made history for playing the part of a digitally-created character, but the original plan was to have an actor without visual effects. Clint Howard had a number of outstanding chemistry tests, and won the role. But, the look of him against the backdrop of New Zealand was so unsettling, Peter Jackson decided to go “less realistic” and made the character computer-generated.

For more FACTS click here. 

DENTIST TO THE STARS: 1. GARY BUSEY

HOLLYWOOD – Malvin Putobis, Dentist to the Stars, lifts the lid on the pearly whites of Gary Busey.

Hi! My name is Malvin Putobis and I am Dentist to the Stars. I can’t tell you how much time I’ve spent inside the mouths of the rich and famous. Drilling here, polishing their, occasionally (sniff) extracting. My best pal the Studio Exec asked me if I could reveal some of the secrets about my famous clients. Immediately I said, ‘No f*cking way!’ Then he mentioned money and I said:

When Gary Busey first came into my office I said ‘it’s Xmas, or Hanukkah!’ Who cares! It’s great news. Gary has what we in the trade call ‘Table Top Joke Store Teeth’ because the upper set so closely resemble those teeth that you wind up and send across the dinner table to break the ice at parties. Point Break, Big Wednesday and various tabloids have all featured these gnashers in full throttle. It makes you feel sorry for food.

Gary needed another dentist. Rumor had it the last one had lost an arm. No one knew exactly how.  I decided to have a look inside with the swanky little mirror on a pole that we dentists call ‘the mirror’. What secrets would be revealed? Well it turns out Gary had a little spinach behind there that had been there since 1989. I say spinach, it was a vegetable plot. Once that was sorted out I polished away and looked busy. Gary seemed happy enough jawing away. Mainly maligning John Wick, someone he seemed to think was real. ‘And to think I almost got wasted by that asshole!’ he concluded.

I told him to floss and he seemed happy with the work. He ran his big pink tongue over the enamel and let out a howl of something close to ecstasy.

Next week, Mila Kunis.

BEN WHISHAW OPENS UP ABOUT HIS FEAR OF SHARKS

HOLLYWOOD – Talented British actor Ben Whishaw is absolutely terrified of Sharks, he revealed to the Studio Exec today.

Although his hi-tech boffin Q is preparing to arm James Bond in the upcoming Spectre, British actor Ben Whishaw has confessed to an irrational phobia of sharks. He popped round to the Studio Exec Penthouse to explain himself more fully.

Ever since I was a child, I’ve been morbidly terrified of sharks. If I’m in the ocean swimming and I say the tell tale dorsal fin of a Great White, or a Hammerhead Shark coming in my direction, I don’t know what’s the matter with me. I just begin to shake and my heart starts to race and I get this irresistible urge to get out of the water.

That’s terrible. What do you think caused it?

When I was a child, we would always go on beach holidays to Cornwall, first with my family and then with an elderly aunt. I was swimming with my brother and he started to make the music from Jaws, with his mouth. Du-num, du-num etc. You know John Williams. Of course it kind of freaked me out but just then a shark swam up from the depths and took his leg off below the knee. I don’t know if it was that, or perhaps it was the music but ever since then I’ve really felt uncomfortable being in the water while sharks swim near me.

The 35 year old actor first came to prominence as the poet Keats in Jane Campion’s Bright Star. Since then he has had roles in Cloud Atlas, The Danish Girl and most famously as Q in Skyfall. However, he hasn’t let his debilitating phobia effect his career.

The thing is there are roles I would have to turn down. Sharknado for instance. But even then I hear they use CGI sharks and I’m not at all scared of them at all. I mean they can’t hurt you, can they?

How about socially in Hollywood? How does it feel to be openly sharkphobic?

Elasmophobia is the technical term, but I feel fine about it. Once I opened up about my problem, I was amazed by the flood of support and messages that came from many people who suffer from the same fear. It turns out that almost everybody in Hollywood is elasmophobic except for Gary Busey. There are groups that meet and talk about it and there are even therapists who get you to confront your fears and swim with the sharks, but I don’t think I’m ready for that.

Spectre will be released on 5 November, 2015.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT POINT BREAK

HOLLYWOOD – The first trailer for the Point Break remake caused waves today, then surfed those waves with CGI like style, but what do we actually know about Point Break?

We sent the Studio Exec FACT squad, wearing masks of former presidents, to heist the shit out of the Point Break FACT vault and this is our haul:

1. The original Point Break came out in 1991, was directed by Kathryn Bigelow and starred Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves and was made famous by the line ‘Nobody puts baby in the corner’, when Patrick Swayze finally gets Keanu to dance in front of his uptight parents.

2. Keanu Reeves plays Johnny Utah, but revealed in a recent interview that he has never been to Utah.

3. The script of Point Break was written by the Wachowski siblings. They later revealed that the whole film was actually a prequel to the Matrix and if you look carefully you can see several glitches which reveal the Matrix at work. The line ‘Not too bright’ apparently came from an episode that happened to Patrick Swayze while making the film, when he tried to eat a jar of gherkins with his hands tied behind his back.

4. Patrick Swayze almost died while making the film and this gave him the idea of writing and directing Ghost, in which he starred with Bruce Willis.

5. The events the film depicted were based on a true story that Gary Busey experienced while on mescaline.

For more FACTS click HERE.

GARY BUSEY’S MOUTH STOLEN

HOLLYWOOD – In the early hours of this morning, Hollywood legend Gary Busey woke to find his mouth had been stolen.

The thieves had managed to enter Mr. Gary Busey’s home in Malibu via a screen door at the back of the property, disable his security system and steal the Point Break actor’s mouth without waking him or his wife. Police detectives called to the scene said that this was a highly unusual crime but Mr. Busey’s mouth was an extremely valuable collectable with some collectors willing to pay up to $3ooo dollars for the item.

Detective Stokes of the LAPD said that such body thefts were becoming increasingly regular in the Hollywood Hills:

Essentially there is a roaring trade in black market body souvenirs and the thieves have become incredible  sophisticated. We have reason to believe that they might be recruiting plastic surgeons who ‘know their way around’ the target’s anatomy so to speak.

The theft comes only two weeks following the theft of John Travolta’s body hair. In the 1990s Daniel Day Lewis has his left foot surgically removed as he slept but the thief was apprehended and Day Lewis’ foot was sewn back on, an adventure which led to his New York Times Bestseller My Actual Left Foot.

Detective Stokes said that they were confident of retrieving Gary Busey’s mouth and making arrests in the following 24 hours:

If it’s still in the country then I believe we will be able to track it down and retake it. I mean this is Gary Busey’s mouth.  There’s no way they’re going to be able to keep it quiet.

Gary Busey was unavailable for comment, because his mouth had been stolen.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT PREDATOR 2

HOLLYWOOD – Frankly the FACT squad were bored, and so they got drunk and watched a film on cable. And here are the 5 FACTS about Predator 2 which is (aside from headaches) the only result of that sad evening.

1. Danny Glover’s trousers are scary. Although supposed to be a hard ass, Dirty Harry type of loose cannon, the only thing loose about Danny is his waistband and weird chalky strides. He does a lot of swearing but there’s a Walter Matthau vibe going on that makes you feel that the Xenomorphs are just pesky kids who have kicked a ball into his yard.

2. Some people say Predator 2 is not as good as Predator, and this is the only occasion in the history of film criticism, that some people have been right.

3. Gary Busey and Adam Baldwin were cast as the strait laced government men!

4. Arnold Schwarzenegger was not in this film because he asked for money. He apparently not only wanted money but also wanted to branch out into acting and felt that the Predator series wasn’t giving him the opportunity.

5. This was the first film in which the sound torch beams make was finally realistically realized. Every time a torch beam passes the camera it makes a whooshing sound.

For more MOVIE FACTS Click Here.