AFTER BREXIT CHILDREN OF MEN RECLASSIFIED AS DOCUMENTARY

LONDON – Following the shock result of the UK referendum to leave the European Union, the dystopian satire Children of Men has been reclassified as a documentary.

The British Film Institute has reclassified Alfonso Cuaron’s 2006 dystopian satire Children of Men following the Brexit result of the UK referendum on the European Union. A spokesperson for the BFI said:

The thing is we originally thought that the racism and hatred towards immigrants shown in Cuaron’s film was over the top, but actually we see that it is the driving thought of most little Englanders, of who there are much more than we realized.

But why is the BFI making such a political stance?

Well, did you like An Education? Or Hunger? Or Macbeth, Nanny McPhee, Amy, or Tinker Tailor, Soldier ,Spy? Or Game of Thrones? Or Under the Skin, or Pride, or Berbarian Sound Studio?

I didn’t like Nanny McPhee.

But did you like The Lobster, fish Tank, Belle? Shaun the Sheep?

Yes.

Then those were all made with vital help from the EU Media fund which paid the UK over 130 million pounds over the last decade. That won’t be there anymore.

Oh.

Exactly.

Children of Men star Clive Owen.

KIT HARINGTON TO STAR IN BLACKADDER REMAKE

 

LONDON – Kit Harington has signed up to play loveable historical rogue Edmund Blackadder in a remake of the popular BBC comedy.

 

Written by Richard Curtis and Ben Elton, Blackadder Goes East will be set during the Iraq War featuring Edmund as a Captain in the British Army stationed in Bagdad.

 

The Studio Exec sat down with Curtis to discuss the eagerly awaited show:

 

Mr Curtis, I suppose the obvious question is why is Rowan Atkinson not returning as Blackadder?

 

Well, nobody could replace Rowan but Kit Harington is so hot right now.

 

Nobody could replace Rowan but you’ve replaced him with Kit Harington?

 

I wouldn’t say replaced, we’ve simply cast a new actor in a role previously played by another actor.

 

I see. How did Rowan Atkinson take the news?

 

Oh, I haven’t told him yet. Thanks for reminding me I’ll send him a text after this interview.

 

Kit is a global superstar thanks to Game of Thrones but we’ve yet to see if he has a flair for comedy. Are you confident he’s the right man for the job?

 

Absolutely certain.

 

I take that to mean he smashed the audition?

 

There was no audition. I haven’t even met him yet but we’ve got a lunch booked in for next Tuesday. A nice fish restaurant in Soho. I’m a big fan of crab.

 

If there was no audition and you haven’t met him, how can you be so certain he can take on a role like Blackadder?

 

I’m certain because Netflix have given me 10 million pounds to make a Blackadder show starring Kit Harrington.

 

So Netflix wanted him?

 

Well, I pitched them a new series of Blackadder with another actor in the role but they wouldn’t stump up the budget for him. I never really had a second choice so I was a bit stuck but I’d seen an episode of Game of Thrones the night before and Kit was the first name that popped into my head. Hey presto, they came through with the cash.

 

 

That’s very bold. What would you have done if Harington had turned down the role?

 

I don’t know, I’ll find out when I tell him over lunch. I do hope he likes fish.

 

 

Well, good luck with that. Before we end the Interview, who was your first choice for Blackadder. Rowan Atkinson I assume?

 

Ha. I can see why you’d think that but no. It was Kevin Spacey.

 

THE BLACKADDER REMAKE IS DUE IN 2021

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT GAME OF THRONES

HOLLYWOOD – On the eve of the third season premier of Game of Thrones, let the amazing fact dragon Studio Exec breathe a fire of purifying non-fiction into your Hordor-shaped head, dispelling the enchantments of myth concerning the HBO masterpiece of televisual umphka-ba-rumph.

Let the Game of Thrones FACTS commence:

1 The Game of Thrones television series is an adaptation of Danish crime drama Spil af Troner which starred Mads Mikkelsen as a weary alcoholic police inspector, who was weary and alcoholic until a young girl is murdered and then he’s weary and alcoholic and searching for a killer in the white wastes of Northern Denmark.

2 The writer George R.R. Martin is the great grandson of J.R.R. Tolkien, but when an English gentleman has a baby with a dirty Yankie scullion maid (as Grandma Martin then was) offspring are legally allowed to keep only the middle initials. 

3 In adapting the books for the screen, writers changed many names to give the material a more realistic grittier feel. The Banstickitons were changed to the Lannisters; Biggus Dickus was changed to Little Finger and Portcullisarian Ephmayllindyoniousi was changed to Ned Stark. 

4 Peter Jackson has consistently embarrassed himself by publicly praising the use of forced perspective and motion capture to create Peter Dinklage’s character Tyrion Lannister, or the Imp. 

5 The dragons are all from Romania. Seventeen dragons are used in total even though there are only three dragon characters. This is due to Romania’s strict labor laws for mythical creatures, which means any one dragon can only work for four hours a day.

For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE! 

GAME OF THRONES SEASON 8 TO CONTAIN A LOT MORE BEER

HOLLYWOOD – HBO today revealed that Game of Thrones Season 8 will contain a substantial increase in beer, but with the same calories.

Game of Thrones Season 8 is only a few short months away but already details are beginning to emerge. A spokesperson close to HBO told the Studio Exec:

There’s going to be a lot more beer. Specifically, Bud Light. And by a lot I mean, it’s not just in the background or being drunk during feast seasons, I mean whole scenes are taken up with discussions about the merits of beer. There’s a character and everything.

You mean like in the Superbowl ad?

Yes, that’s the guy. He’s actually a character.

Fuck!

I know. And we have bits where we see Jon Snow drinking a Heineken and everyone shouts ‘You know nothing Jon Snow’ and shame him into changing to Bud the King of (the North) Beers.

Jesus Christ. Why?

Money. Game of Thrones is incredibly expensive to make and a lot of the money doesn’t come back to HBO because of piracy primarily. So they decided to be more inventive and use product placement to help raise the budget to make the show. These are long episodes as well.

Are there any other products?

One of the characters uses a magic tablet that has a visible Apple icon on it. And everyone eats pop tarts. That gets quite distracting.

Game of Thrones returns April 14th.

PEDRO PASCAL IS THE NEW SEAN BEAN

HOLLYWOOD – Pedro Pascal is the new Sean Bean.

Pedro Pascal got his splashed to pieces like an overripe water melon in Game of Thrones. He got himself mince-meated to death in Kingsman: The Golden Something. And now in The Equalizer 2 he has an eye torn out, a leg torn up, and then his neck cut open and he’s dropped off a  building to then be smashed by a massive wave.

So it goes alongside Boromir being arrowed, or Ronin Sean Bean shot or Goldeneye dropped from a height or impaled from behind in Patriot Games. We spoke to Sean Bean.

So Sean, Pedro…

That asshole Pedro Pascal. He’s trying to steal my bloody crown.

What are you going to do about it?

I watched him in Narcos and I liked him. He doesn’t die in that show. I thought this is guy has a future. But then everything I saw that he did afterwards he was dying in horrible ways.

Game of Thrones…

He stole that show. And how? by having his head stomped in. That was my signature move and I was in the same show.

If I meet him I’m going to …

Kill him?

No. That would be too predictable. I’m going to give him a lovely cake.

Sean Bean and Pedro Pascal will be appearing in Waiting for Violent Death.

GAME OF THRONES PREQUEL WILL SHOW GEORGE RR MARTIN STEALING JRR TOLKIEN’S INITIALS

WESTEROS – Details of the new Game of Thrones prequel have emerged.

George RR Martin and Jane Goldman have revealed one of the main story-lines for the Games of Thrones prequel. Martin came into the Studio Exec bungalow this morning to drink some mead.

So the idea is we’re going right back to the beginning to the late thirties, England. JRR Tolkien is sitting in his study napping when … what’s this? … a svelt looking George Martin sneaks into the Oxford don’s office and steals his initials.

His initials?game of thrones

And his notes.

Wow!

I know. Then we return to Middle Westeros thousands of years before the beginning of the original series and we see the creation of that world. We find out about the dragons and the Hobbits and the …

Hobbits?

Okay maybe not Hobbits. People say I steal from Tolkien but that’s just not true. Sure, we’ve all been inspired by him, but I would never try and just rip something off. I don’t have Orcs, I don’t have Ents. I don’t have a magic ring. So it’s totally different.

George RR Martin’s The Millmarillion will show on HBO.

AVENGERS 4 WILL KILL OFF EVERYONE

HOLLYWOOD – Marvel big boss Kevin Feige revealed that Avengers 4 will kill off the entire cast.

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec, Marvel president Kevin Feige promised that the next Avengers film – Avengers 4 – will be a character blood bath.

First, we’ve looked at all the superhero films around and we’ve seen that audiences are getting tired of this stuff. There’s a point that comes where they want some kind of closure. So, for the next Avengers movie we’ve decided on a radical solution. A kind of WTF finale. Where everyone dies! Do you get it?

Wow!

I know. I first got the idea from watching Game of Thrones. You see those guys came up with a brilliant idea. You have established characters everyone knows and loves and they seem to be on a journey. And then BHAM! They’re dead. Or squish, in the case of the guy who got his head caved in.

Oberyn Martell?

That’s the guy.

So you’re going to kill them all off?

Iron Man, Captain America, the Hulk Thor.

The Black Widow?

Who?

Scarlett Johansson. 

Oh yeah. Definitely.

Aren’t you worried that telling us this will spoil the movie?

Telling everybody? I’m only telling you SE. Hey, you’re not going to tell anyone are you?

Er. No.

Good. You got anymore shrimp. These are delicious.

Avengers 4 will be released in 2018.

WESTEROS IS SHRINKING

HOLLYWOOD – Yesterday it was confirmed that Westeros is shrinking.

Westeros – the land of Game of Thrones – is shrinking, a new report today confirmed. HBO told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

When the show began, Westeros took weeks to travel. Winterfell was miles and miles from King’s Landing for instance and it would take so much time to get from one place to the other. In fact, a lot of the time the difficulty of moving was fundamental to the story. However, recently we’ve seen that Westeros has shrunk. At first this just meant that people pretty much moved along at such a speed as to help the story along. But now they seem to have hidden motorcycles somewhere, the speed with which they move. The island is apparently so small that it takes about an hour for a bird to fly from one end to the other.

What caused this shrinkage?

At first we thought it might be global warming. Possibly dragons don’t help. All that, you know, fire. But Winter is Coming, as we all know. So it looks quite cold. Maybe the place was actually always really small, but Sean Bean was really, really slow. Honestly, I’m not sure, but if it continues shrinking all the characters are going to end up living in the same room.

Game of Thrones continues.

HBO’S CONFEDERATE: ‘NOT THAT BIG A DEAL’

HOLLYWOOD – HBO’s new TV show Confederate is ‘actually not that big a deal’, according to everyone now.

Initially, Confederate the alternate history show by Game of Thrones creators David Benioff and D.B. Weiss is no longer a priority to be upset about. The drama shows a present day America in which the Civil War was not won by the North and the confederate states still exist.

Activist Journey Plank spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

Initially, I was really upset at the idea. These white guys are writing this show including depictions of slavery. I just didn’t think they’d proved themselves in anyway competent to deal with the various sensitive racial issues that this would inevitably bring up. But since we have a White Supremicist in the White House. Also torch lit rallies, the KKK unhooding and actual Nazis walking the street, I guess it’s slipped down my list of priorities.

Insiders from the show are actually talking about how real life events are slowly changing the show’s concept.

One source told Studio Exec:

We were actually thinking that the Civil War really didn’t end the way we think it ended. Generally speaking countries don’t tend to have statues to enemy generals who lost the war. It is an example perhaps of American Exceptionalism which we could do with rethinking.

Confederate will be broadcast shortly after the outbreak of the second American Civil War.

 

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT WESTWORLD

HOLLYWOOD – Don’t know anything at all about Westworld?

Okay. The Studio Exec FACT squad has entered the park where cowboys and slatterns exchange quips and bullets. What could possibly go wrong?

One. The original pilot for the series written and directed by Michael Crichton featured Dinosaurs but it was decided that it would be too expensive.

Two. Rachel Evans Wood, who plays Delores, spent six months being a robot to prepare for the role. She even learned the ‘robotics’ dance style. Later, she said that learning to dance like a robot had been ‘a complete fucking waste of time’.

Three. Anthony Hopkins is almost certainly a robot who killed Arnold and took on his role. Or someone else is a robot.

Four. The sex scenes were the first thing that Jonathan Nolan and Lisa Joy wrote. And then they built the story around them.

Five. The weird British guy has to die. And the weird lesbian. How did they sneak the weird lesbian into the show? At one point did they think we’ll get a lesbian in, but let’s make her weird, because you know, she’s a lesbian?

For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE! 

 

HBO NEW SHOW JUST CALLED ‘ORGY’

NEW YORK – HBO have announced a new show simply titled Orgy.

Following the success of Game of Thrones and Westworld, HBO have announced a new show Orgy.

An insider from the studio told the Studio Exec:

The new show is simplicity itself. There’s fifty minutes of orgy every week. There’s not going to be a plot. Maybe five minutes. Characters I suppose but you know… It’s going to look amazing. And that’s it. We’re thinking of weaving in some other shows. We still have the sets and costumes from Vinyl. It was set in the 70s so that has a porny vibe. But that’s it.

Gaspar Noe is to direct the pilot episode and David Duchovny will star.

Orgy will show in early 2017.

SAM LOWRY KILLED IN CHURCH EXPLOSION

LONDON – Former bureaucrat and long-term political prisoner Sam Lowry has been killed in a church explosion.

News came in earlier this week that Sam Lowry has been killed when the church he was in blew up. Lowry first came to prominence in the 1980s when his short career in Information Retrieval was cut short following an ill-advised dalliance with a terrorist.  He subsequently spent three years in prison and on his release fell out of the public eye, living an itinerant life. Rumor also tells of several stays in mental health facilities. Over the last few years Lowry joined a religious cult and changed his name to the High Sparrow. His group gained a foothold in the city of King’s Landing which is just south of Bristol in the United Kingdom. A friend spoke EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec:

What makes this so tragic is that Sam was putting his life together and I’ve never known him to be so happy. He had a group of helpers around him, with some quite gruesome tattoos. But he was doing what he wanted to do. He kept telling me that I had the blessings of the seven. I don’t know what he meant but it seemed to bring him peace.

Lowry and many of his followers had congregated in the church when suddenly and inexplicably a massive green fireball erupted from its very foundations, causing damage to nearby buildings and injuring several passers by.

The police are not treating the incident as suspicious.

GAME OF THRONES WRITERS FLOWN TO UK TO REWRITE REFERENDUM

LONDON – The team that brought you Game of Thrones are being flown into Great Britain in an attempt to rewrite the EU referendum as the country slides into chaos.

Game of Thrones showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss are flying to the UK by the British Government in a last ditch effort to rewrite the last five days of UK storyline. David Cameron announced the decision this morning, having watched the last episode of Season 6 of Game of Thrones.

I got the idea after having watched the episode and thinking how good it was to see Jon Snow alive again. In fact, the boys have done a magnificent job of putting their heroes in some terrible predicaments and then at the last minute getting them out of their scrapes. I don’t know what they will suggest: it could be a red wedding or the birth of dragons, but frankly anything is better than letting the Tory Hordor, Boris Johnson loose.

The move was welcomed by many in the country who have come to regret their voting to leave the EU and many in Europe have called on Brussels to slow the process while it is seen what the Game of Thrones writers come up with. Leader of UKIP Nigel Farage said that the move was without precedent and unpatriotic. He, however, did say that he would support a move to get George RR Martin involved:

He would come up with a plot where all your favorite people are killed and as I’m not anyone’s favorite, I think I’d be pretty safe.

However, it was revealed that George RR Martin was already in London writing the script for the Labour Party.

More news as it comes in.

FINAL GAME OF THRONES TO BE LEGO EPISODE

HOLLYWOOD – The final episode of Game of Thrones is to be a Lego episode.

‘Everything is Hordor! Everything is Hordor when you’re part of a team!’

HBO’s epic fantasy series Game of Thrones is to conclude its 6th season with a Lego episode, it was revealed today. Showrunners Philip Lord and Chris Miller said that they had been saving up a special crossover conclusion that will have fans laughing and shrieking with horror in equal measure:

As we began to bring our surviving characters closer and closer together it became obvious that the main confrontation would take place in the penultimate episode with the Battle of the Bastards. In the Winds of Winter, we wanted to lighten the mood a little and we thought why not a Lego episode? From a budgetary point of view it was a lot cheaper and the actors didn’t have to get up so early in the morning to be on location so it was a really fun shoot.

But surely the adult nature of the show makes a Lego episode inappropriate?

I don’t know. After all you have Spongebob in talks for True Detective Season 3 and with Pixar making such clever children’s films, that demarcation between kids and adults is really coming down.

So the violence…?

And the anal sex, yep, we’re doing it all. A little Lego penis will be seen at some point for the first time in television history. And some of the gore… I think because it’s Lego we can actually go further than we would otherwise be able to. I felt quite sick after the test screening.

And the story?

I’m not giving away spoilers man. But I will say that there be dragons and Yellow Walkers.

Yellow walkers? You mean White Walkers?

Nope.

Game of Thrones Season 6 concludes tonight.