HOLLYWOOD – HBO today revealed that Game of Thrones Season 8 will contain a substantial increase in beer, but with the same calories.

Game of Thrones Season 8 is only a few short months away but already details are beginning to emerge. A spokesperson close to HBO told the Studio Exec:

There’s going to be a lot more beer. Specifically, Bud Light. And by a lot I mean, it’s not just in the background or being drunk during feast seasons, I mean whole scenes are taken up with discussions about the merits of beer. There’s a character and everything.

You mean like in the Superbowl ad?

Yes, that’s the guy. He’s actually a character.


I know. And we have bits where we see Jon Snow drinking a Heineken and everyone shouts ‘You know nothing Jon Snow’ and shame him into changing to Bud the King of (the North) Beers.

Jesus Christ. Why?

Money. Game of Thrones is incredibly expensive to make and a lot of the money doesn’t come back to HBO because of piracy primarily. So they decided to be more inventive and use product placement to help raise the budget to make the show. These are long episodes as well.

Are there any other products?

One of the characters uses a magic tablet that has a visible Apple icon on it. And everyone eats pop tarts. That gets quite distracting.

Game of Thrones returns April 14th.


YORKSHIRE – The city of Kingston Upon Hull was in turmoil today after local resident, Davy Garratt, violently assaulted a man after he allegedly heard a spoiler about the last episode of Game of Thrones.

“It was like something out of a film,” said supermarket counter clerk, Shaun Addison:

This chap was stood waiting at the till and these two others fellas behind him were talking about Game of Thrones. The next thing I knew he’d picked up a bag of frozen chicken thighs from his basket and started attacking the man with it. His mate tried to intervene but it was like the guy was indestructible. You know, like Liam Neeson in Taken.

After beating the man unconscious, Mr Garratt was apprehended by security staff.

“We apprehended a man at 11am for an alleged attack on another customer, ” said chief security office, Adam Skog:

However, after he explained the situation we decided to let him go. He was clearly provoked and it would have been wrong of us to press charges.

Asked what happened to the victim, Officer Skog was candid:

We took him in the back, broke his fingers and cut out his tongue. That will teach the big spoiling bastard.

Game of Thrones season six is due in 2016.